Pyro's Life: July 2004 </A>

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Xanga Blog

Saturday, July 31, 2004

Currently Playing
Cheshire Cat (Reis)
By Blink 182
see related
- M&M's

Today... kinda sucked. I worked for about four hours today and got twenty bucks. Then while

riding home from work, I lost my money somewhere... So I looked for it for about an hour and

a half then finally gave up and went home. Called Kara and talked to her for a bit then did

my Algebra II packet... fun huh? I guess the one good part about today (other then talking

to Kara) was talking to Britnee (I actually think thats the CORRECT way to spell her name).

Britnee Christensen is an extremely hot girl that I met on the Trek. Of couse, she's two

grades ahead of me and is 16. So, not too much of a chance for me. But DANG...

Sorry for everyone I lost right there. Rest of the night consisted of talking a walk with my

family. Now I'm out in my backyard dreaming up ways to get money so I can get my better (oh

yes, much better then last week's guitar) Les Paul Standard. Heavy mother of a guitar, yet

extremely nice tone . Lets find a way for me to get four hundred dollars shale we?

(donations are accepted in cash mailed to my home, or please paypal my email address at Thanks).

Kimball wanted to see a movie, I couldn't affored it. I suggested shooting pool, he needed

to get a new deck for his skateboard. Kara's out of town, Jessie's back in Wyoming, Jessie

(Jackman) has now moved= At home doing homework on a friday night. Oh joy!

Thank goodness for the guitar.


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Wednesday, July 28, 2004

Worked on sheetrock and played the guitar all day today. Again. Also played

Dodgeball for mutual tonight (which was fun). Not a whole ton to say. Waiting for Kara to

get back so we can do something. It's weird without her and Jessie here...

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Currently Playing
Blink 182
By Blink 182
see related
- Go


Lost within this earth again

Lost more then I had hoped to gamble

Answer the call, the whisper of the night

To slowly die within yourself, abandon the fight

Fight blindly in the dark again

Blood stained across your face

Catalyst of your own crypt

Within this morbid place

Cries in the dark, her broken grave

Corrupted soul, you cannot save

Lost in herself, she slowly dies

Tear stained cheeks and cold grey eyes

Call calm winds through this tainted land

Though all that comes is fear

Butchered soul corrodes from you

Last thought is her last tear

Wishing now for death to come

For the reaper to appear

Shed your life of troubled thoughts

Shed your life of fear

Try to recall your happiness

Veins bleed upon a page

Recall a life before this hell

Memories you cannot gauge

Blood writes the words before the end

Open wound, your only pen

One last word as your eyes fade

Into your lost eternal shade

Your tourniquet, your last escape

To warn the world of your mistake

A simple phrase by bloodstained hands

‘Escape the pain that love demands’

Wow, well for those of you who aren't plesantly depressed right now and made it though that,

I found my next guitar. Les Paul Special II... oh yes, I will be shooting for the Les Paul

for my B-Day. It's just so... beautiful. The Les Paul I played about two weeks ago, holy

amazing sound.... just so freaking clean and...*drool*. It truly is a thing of beauty. Check

her out here:




That specific one is custom made, pretty much a limited edition. I love those humbuckers...

so freaking clean.

*ahem* anywho, I gotta get that guitar. Today I worked my butt off putting up that sound

deadening board... gall that stuff is a pain in the butt to get up. Got one wall covered so

far. Hopefully, I'll get most of the sheetrock done tomorrow as well as the sound deadening

board. Still shooting for the room to be finished before school starts. Lets hope it gets



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Monday, July 26, 2004

Today... I guess all I can say was it was 'interesting'. I haven't really been feeling

particularly great today, headache all day long. No fun. So, I have slept like all day.

Watched 'The Last Samurai' which is an amazing show for any of you who haven't seen it yet.

Definately one of my favorites.

Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day, working on sheetrocking my room (yay!).


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Sunday, July 25, 2004

Guitar day number two:

Had a four hour guitar lesson from Dan. Which was totally awesome. Dan is extremely cool and

is a kick ass guitar player. He showed me a ton of cool stuff and really helped me out, it

was great. I should probably go to bed soon...


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Empty Memories (Of Her)

Play off of this empty stage

A place for me to gauge

How much pain it will take me to explode

Just a week away too close to here

Wish I could hold emotion in

And take another shallow cut and bleed onto this hollow stage again

Nobody sees my world

As I do through my eyes

Nobody feels the way I do

With you lying by my side

Nobody tastes the way you do

After this long night

Scream your name into the sky

And try to forget about this life

I still glare at the sun

Blinds my lifeless eyes

Once full of all the dreams and memories of you as I

Walk within the empty halls

Stare at all those blank walls

As I slowly cut myself in pieces, broken by a panic stricken light on me again

Nobody sees my world

As I do through my eyes

Nobody feels the way I do

With you lying by my side

Nobody tastes the way you do

After this long night

Scream your name into the sky

And try to forget about this life

Look into the crowd

Searching for that dream

Relived now by hollow lyrics and a guitar that plays for you a million times before

Wish somebody could just see

A new direction for me to live

Your heart stricken with panic as I sing

Nobody sees my world

As I do through my eyes

Nobody feels the way I do

With you lying by my side

Nobody tastes the way you do

After this long night

Scream your name into the sky

And try to forget about this life

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Saturday, July 24, 2004

Played guitar. All day long. Booya.

(oh yeah, got some sheetrock and sound deadening board too for my room. Yay!)


Friday, July 23, 2004

Today was interesting. I kinda hung out for the first part of the day then I went to the

mall with Bethany, Jess, and Ed. It was really great to see Beth for the first time in about

a year and a half. After the mall, I came home and pretty much didnt do a lot for the rest

of the evening. Decided to be a loser and work on my duct tape pants (when I should have

been playing guitar). I swear, I will be up at seven (or if I am tired, eight) in the

morning practicing guitar. Talking to Elise, one of my best friends in the whole wide world

right now, and its like midnight ish. Probably play Halo and talk to Elise till like four or



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Thursday, July 22, 2004

Too lazy to cover today. Mostly cause I've been lazy all day today. I think I may have mowed

the lawn, but I cant remember if that was yesterday or today... Anyways. About two thirty in

the morning playing Halo. Im addicted... scarry. Thanks for being a pirate Dave, I always

wanted my own 'borrowed' copy of Halo.


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Wednesday, July 21, 2004

This is a note I got, like back in early October of last year. Just thought it was kinda

ironic, more for Jessie then anyone else.

I am very tired again today. I rally wish I had a class with you today. I dont want it to

be the weekend in a way, because I want to see you. Thats why we should do something. I

still dont know what we're doing. lol. And Isnt life so confusing at times. Im just glad

we got some things worked out. Sometimes it feels liek were just back to where we started.

Im not gonna worry about it though. Its just life and I am going to live it I just hope

you'll be a part of it. You're one of my best friends and I don't know what I'd do without

you. I'm just confused in life. I really am Young and Hopeless.>

bad, we wouldnt appreciate all the good. Im glad you took the time to care about me. It

means a lot. I wish I could hug you right now. I wish you could hold me. Do I really love

you I wonder? Who is to say what love is. Or am I just setting myself up for the worst pain

of my life. You'd never hurt me, but you will. I know that probably sucks to hear. Who

knows though, maybe you'll be different. All I know is that Im willing to take the pain if

only I can love you. Because when you don't love someone, you cant get hurt. But you also

miss out on the good. So I'm going to take the chance. I hope you have a good day. Dont

worry about anything. Just have fun.>

do my math homework now. You know math, Algebra, the math that isnt as good as geometry.

See you soon I hope. Love you.


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Holy shiz... Its been forever since I last wrote. Time for an update! Lets start

with my little trip to Wyoming. AKA, the Surface of The Sun.

Shani had to wake me up. I dont think that old guy was too happy with me...>

till about twelve thirty watching the stars. Treked for three more days. I wont launch into

detail, cause there's way too much to tell. But it was a huge testemony builder, and not

till the very end.>

bass player. Lets hope to get something decent together before I go to high school>.

today, learned a dance from New Zealand (for mutual) and danced out in the ran and played

dodge ball with basketballs, then played guitar as long as I could before I started to get

tired. And now I am talking to Jordan and Jessie while waiting for the next megatokyo to be

finished. Which should be around one in the morning.>


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Monday, July 12, 2004

Wow, a whole lot has happened in the last five days since I last posted. So I better

cover it before I forget anything... Alright, here we go.

Thursday: Spent like all day at Kara's. Went to the park with her and Jessie and talked for

a very long time about a lot of things. I found a lighter and started burning random things

(which was fun). For those of you who haven't actually seen me around fire, after you do,

you'll see why 'Pyro' has always been my screen name online (lol). After the park, we went

back to Kara's house and talked more. It was on and off from deep conversation to cracking

jokes and laughing. Jessie gave me this really really cool Spiderman shirt. I spazzed out

over that and flew across the room from Kara's bed to Jessies and was shouting 'I love you'

at the top of my lungs. I bet I freaked the poor girl out. Infact, I know I did. lol, thanks

though Jessie, you're the best. Kara, I doubt you actually paid for any of it, but thanks

for helping pick it out with Jessie and deciding that red looks good on me. I love both of

you guys.

After that fun filled event, Kara threw Tater Tots at me and I caught them in my mouth from

accross the room. We got like three in a row once, it was amazing. After choking on a few of

them, whacking my hand on the table behind me, falling off the chair to catch a tater tot,

and listening to Kara and Jessie laugh till they peed their pants, my mom came to pick me

up. There went the end of my fun. Little did I know, that would be the last time I got to

see them. Jessie and Kara were going to Park City for a week or so the following day. But

what I didn't know is that both of them were going straight from there back to Wyoming.

Meaning I won't see Jessie till the next time she comes down to pay us a visit, and meaning

that I won't see Kara until the day before school starts.

So, there I lost two of my best friends for the rest of the summer. It gets even better...

Friday: I head over to Katy's house around three or so because Jessie (Jackman) was over one

last time before she moves to Montana... We hung out and went to the park and stuff. Then

after about an hour and a half, her parents came and she was gone just like that. It was so

hard to watch her leave. I am definately going to miss her.

After Jessie left, I went to my grandparents for a while, just to say 'hi' and drown my

sorrow with a few Vanilla Cokes (caffine, better and safer then alcohol). That was pretty

much the end of my Friday. Played my guitar and thats all I can remember.

Saturday: Played my guitar in the morning and up till when we had to leave for our youth

activity thing. Went and hiked Ensign Peak, a quick easy hike. Then went to a church

sponcered concert thing. It was definately not 'The Used' concert, which was occuring that

night as well. But it was half decent. Mostly goofed off with Shani and Sean the whole time.

Sunday: Went to church, worked on my new site briefly (ill post a link when its half decent)

then went to Salt Lake and set up my grandma and aunt for DSL. Came back and now its about

one in the morning. Big day tomorrow, but I will write about it later.

By the way, I desperately need a good name for my 'in the works' band. Any suggestions are



Wednesday, July 07, 2004

I wrote this one possibly about a week or so ago, For some reason it makes a whole lot more

sence now. Interesting that I use something I wrote a while ago to connect. Anyways, this is

one I didn't post here before, so comments are appreciated.

The End-

This is the last thing I’ll remember

The last thing that I’ll now try

Hurts like hell to leave you

Hurts to say goodbye

Where should I go now that you need me?

Where should I go now I won’t try?

Asleep now inside myself

Hurts enough to die

Now I’m lost, lost somewhere here

Cannot find the words to say

Because words fail me

Nothing, no one left to save me

Nothing left, nothing left

It’s more then disappointment

Past my soul drowning for you

Wish that I could find the strength to make it though this

Just sick of trepidation, sick of arduous emotion

And I cannot stand for my heart to bleed yet again.

This is the last thing I’ll remember

The last thing that I’ll now try

Hurts like hell to leave you

Hurts to say goodbye

Where should I go now that you need me?

Where should I go now I won’t try?

Asleep now inside myself

Hurts enough to die

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I really wish I could say something about today, about the family reunion, about

anything. But, I feel almost like I am broken. I can't express any emotion what so ever into

writing. I can't do anything. It is driving me insane. I need to talk to someone, anyone.

But for sure, I absolutely need to talk to Jessie.

Sorry this makes no sence, but this post isn't for anyones pleasure cruise right now.

Sorting through all this fsking shit. Get back to you when I don't feel shattered.


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Sunday, July 04, 2004

So tired I could die. Played Texas Hold'em for about five horus today. I smell like

a giant firework. At SLC from Noon to Eleven pm. Really really really really tired. Like I

can barely move. Can't wait to sleep. These sentences make no sence and my spelling probably


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Friday, July 02, 2004


Well, apparently it was a lie. It had to be. Kimball, Kara, and Jessie came over to my house

today and we watched movies and stuff. She is totally into him, I swear. He's like kissing

her neck while we watch the movie and everything. Drives me fsking insane. I am sorry for

unloading all this shit on you once again. You have no clue how much I miss you, how badly I

wish I could just hug you. Some reason, you just seem to make things all better somehow. I

can't keep doing this to myself. I can't keep believing the lie. Because I will never be

him. I am nothing but an afterthought. Someone to fall back on. Someone to keep her occupied

while he isn't around. I can't live that lie. No matter how sweet it may seem. I guess its

true, is the truth better then the sweetest lie? I don’t know yet. I wish there was just

someone else, anyone else. I hate this. I hate this lie, I hate this obsession, this

pointlessness. I hate it all.

Thank you so much for being there all the time for me. I will be seeing you tomorrow, even

if everyone else won't be. I think I may need to cash in another one of those hugs you owe

me. Because I need it terribly. I love you so much and can't wait to see you tomorrow.



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Thursday, July 01, 2004


Walk into my world of cold

Of moonlight nights, alone

My black skies that fade to gray

My one star that has gone away

Stand there in my rain

Staring at my dark sky

Slowly, as I come undone

No life within my eyes

Wish I could believe something

I convinced myself I never would

Wish I could be something

That I never could

Wish I could find something

That I never should

But what if I could…

What if I could…

She stares at the sky

At my one star

Her life and her dreams

Are so far

Away from me

Gone afar

She is everything I ever wanted

She was my one star

My one star…

Wish I could believe something

I convinced myself I never would

Wish I could be something

That I never could

Wish I could find something

That I never should

But what if I could…

What if I could…

I can’t do this anymore…

Can’t do this anymore…

Can’t do this anymore…

Anymore… anymore…

Wish I could believe something

I convinced myself I never would

Wish I could be something

That I never could

Wish I could find something

That I never should

But what if I could…

What if I could…

Thursday, July 01, 2004


I am so sorry I haven't been able to do anything with you lately. I finally am ungrounded

from everything but Instant Messaging. So we WILL be doing something Friday. Call me like as

soon as you feel like doing anything and we will be doing it. So, you pick out what we are

doing and when we are doing it, you get to decide everything Smiley emoticon.

Saturday, we went hunting for a stake dance that didn't exist and we were going to call you

if we found it. Needless to say, we didn't. So we went to Jack and Jills and shot pool till

about 11 pm or so. You didn't miss out on anything really, Jessie and I got in a fight with

Kara about not wanting to walk over to Kimball's from the bowling alley. Which launched into

something else. Then we just joked around and it was alright again. Played out in the rain

and stuff.

Monday, I mowed my grandpa's lawn and then got a call from Jessica Anderson (She was my

girlfriend before I met Kara) and she wondered if I could come up to Heber because they were

in American Fork to pick up my cousin Jordan. So we went up there and had fun. Just watched

movies, talked, and had fun the whole time. Then I ended up sleeping over there.

Tuesday, Got up and made waffles with Ed (Jessica's brother, one of my friends). We made

them pretty thick... I swear. It was like bread. They still tasted good though, so I guess

it worked out Smiley emoticon. After that I went to a Stake Square Dance we had (only our

stake, so you didn't miss out). It was alright, not amazing like a normal Stake Dance, but

still good regardless. After that, Ed and I waited in line at about 9 for Spiderman 2 since

we went to the midnight show. Kara, Jessie B., Jess, and Jordan showed up about 15 min

later. We just sat in line and played cards and talked to each other. Jessie and Kara had

like nothing to do with Jordan, Jess, and Ed. Mostly because there was some tension between

Jessie and Jordan (they met on my webpage and got into an argument) Then Kara was afraid of

getting into some fight with Jess since she is of course, my ex-girlfriend (infact, both of

them are). So I was pretty much the middle man, fun for me huh?

Throughout the whole time, like between the point where the movie started it just seemed

like Kara and I were flirting up a storm. You have no clue how confused I am, that girl

sends so many mixed signals. She may be playing with my hair, lying her head on my shoulder,

or holding my hand. Just all these things that make me wonder. I don't dare set myself up

again Jessie... I can't do that again. Whenever I believe things like that from her, I

always end up hurting myself. What I don't understand is why she would do things like that

or even pretend to care or be interested if she wasn't. I kinda feel like it could be

because she knows how I feel, and I am always there for her to fall back on when things

aren't going well with another relationship, or if I am the only one there to love. I really

don’t know, she could have just done it to make Jess jealous, who knows. I don't think I can

live with doing this to myself again Jessie. I don't know what to do...

After the movie, we all went home. Kara and Jessie back to their house, and Ed, Jess, and

Jordan slept over at my house. We came home at about 2:30 AM or so and went out to the

trampoline to talk about stuff. It was spooky what you said about your dream, because that

happened last night. I just went outside and stared at the sky wondering what I was going to

do next, or what was coming next. After a little bit of that, everyone called me over to the

trampoline and we talked about stuff. They were telling me about how they felt and Jess said

she was about to sit between Kara and I because she thought that Kara was going to like

explode all over me or something. Like she was just going to start making out with me or

something. Then I just told them my huge story from September to current. Then we just kinda

went around and shared each other's problems. I found out for the first time ever, how Jess

actually felt back in September. That is a whole different story, and I have already

complained enough to you about this other stuff anyways. Went to bed at about 5:30 or so

(well, more like we all fell asleep in my room).

I truly am sorry for unloading all my crap on you. But you are the one person I can trust

and know I can come to. If you want me to ever stop, you can just tell me. It wont hurt my

feelings if you do want me to stop. If you have any ideas at all or suggestions or anything,

please tell me. You really are a perfect angel. Thanks for sending me that email and telling

me about that dream, and sharing your poem with me. It's amazing, you really are a great

writer. I was confused on one line though...

'I can see you slowly move away
Please stay here
Then suddenly I can see
That it's just me...'

What exactly does that mean?

Alright, well its fairly late, and believe it or not, I am actually going to go to sleep

tonight. I Love You.


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Friday, June 25, 2004

Today was a hang out at home day. I haven't left the house like at all today. Mostly I have

been packing up my room today. Getting ready for the move downstairs even though I still

have to insulate and sheetrock the walls. But I figured why not get it all done now, right?

Played guitar a very very little bit. Infact, I plan on playing as soon as I finish this

rant. I don't think I'm gonna get all heartfelt in this one. Cause whenever I do that, I

always end up staying up till four in the morning writing poetry... baka. I'm way too tired

already to stay up till four writing. Even though it ends up turning into productive

material that I can write songs with, I actually wanna sleep tonight. Who knows though.

If there is anyone on earth who actually wants to play bass, I ask them to pre-register for

my band (lol, otherwise known as my dream). Anyone I talk to who already plays guitar, or is

currently learning (or in Elise's case, wants to learn) is of course, planning on electric


WHO KNOWS THAT?! Of course, I already play electric... so not like I can be too hypocritical

. Just remember blink-182. And you can see how good Bass can be.

Right now, if I made a band it would consist of myself and about 5 other electric/acoustic

guitars played by newbies. No bass player, no percussionist. Good heck people, No Bass= the

White Stripes! We don't wanna be the White Stripes. (When I say 'we', I have no clue who the

heck I am referring to but I say it anyways). I swear I will have a band assembled before

the end of 9th Grade. Kara, I'm still waiting for you to freaking be lead vocalist. Dave,

position for a pianist (when necessary) is still open, even though I know you have been

working your butt off on acoustic. I will still be working my butt off on writing music and

comming up with fun new stuff to play, while trying my best to come up with new stuff and

improve on guitar. Right now I am at the point where I'm not taking any lessons, hopefully I

will be taking Private Lessons probably starting next month. Cause I truly believe you can

only get so far on your own, then it's nice to have someone else to be helping you

Alright, wrapping up the rant. Going to play my guitar.

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Tuesday, June 22, 2004

Wow, sure has been a while. Time passes by quite quicky... geez what has happened since I

last wrote a rant? Jordan came down from Calif on Friday so we hung out at my grandparents

(dad's side) and I slept over there. Then the next day we had a barbeque for fathers day and

I swam in my grandma's pool. I forgot how fun swimming is. I love the water. Which reminds

me, Jessie J, Jessie B, and Kara. We will be swimming sometime everyone is up here No

excuses Jessie B .

Sunday was a slow day, had Stake Conference then went to my grandpa's (mom's side) for

fathers day and had a barbeque over there too. Mostly just talked and hung out with Jordan

and had a bunch of heated music discussions about who is the best. By the way, Amy Lee is

THE best female vocalist. No matter what everyone else thinks. And yes, Andrew Mcmahon's

voice is more distinct then Mick Jaggers (bleh).

Then today (monday) hung out with John and Jordan all day. Mostly just talked and walked

around today. Then went to go see The Best Two Years. That movie kinda got me thinking about

my mission and what it's going to be like. Honestly I have no clue where the Lord will end

up sending me. I would really love to get out of the country and it would be amazing to go

to Japan. But I will go wherever I am called to serve. And will prepare for it now. Cause

really, I realized it isn't too far away. Four more years is it and then I will have left my

family, my friends, everyone behind to become God's servant and speak the truth of the

gospel for two whole years... Two years. Two years ago I was in 6th grade. Two years ago I

would have never been able to comprehend what I know now. And I will not be able to

comprehend what I learn in the next two years compared to now. Life only gets more

complicated as you go. It is one giant adventure where you have no clue what is going to

happen next. And I like it like that. Keeps me on my toes. I am interested to see how a lot

of things play out. It's useless staying up late thinking about them. I can recall way too

many sleepless nights where I stay up asking myself questions and trying to figure things

out. I can't even remember the last time I was asleep before three in the morning. And most

nights it seems, I am even up past four. I really wish I could be with some people. Being

away from my friends is hard. I really miss you guys. This grounding ishard, though it has

given me a chance to get a whole lot closer to my family. Which is a very good thing. But I

miss everyone a ton. Especially Jessie... I don't know what I am going to do after you move.

I try my best not to think about it. I am so sorry for such an unopportune time to get

grounded. Of all the times, it has to be right before you move...

Might as well take care of some other things that have been on my mind. I can't voice them

all, but maybe voicing these will help me a little.

Lindsey, I am really sorry about how rude I was. I still was upset at you. Well, I guess not

as much upset as you as I was upset that you wern't the person you convinced me you were. No

one can win against an idealistic form of themselves. I guess thats why it hurt even worse

when you showed me the person you really were. When I said that you were a mistake, I meant

my mistake. I don't blame you for anything that happened. It was my mistake to ever get

involved with you. And now I ruined any hopes for friendship I am afraid. Hopefully things

will work out, if not then I hope that you at least accept my appology. Oh, by the way. I

still have your shirt. I dont know what you want me to do with it, but if you let me know

then I would be happy to get it back to you.

Jessica (Anderson)... Wow. It's amazing how much we have both changed in such a period of

short time. Both gone in two totally different directions. I really wish I would have tried

harder to hold onto the friendship we had. But now it seems like we have both drifted apart.

It's interesting what I hear from your friends, especially your opinions and stories about

me. I would really love to work things out, hopefully re-establish a friendship with you. I

just remember how much fun it was talking to you, being with you. And now it just seems like

we hardly know each other anymore. I know you are upset with me about something. There are

only a million possibilities as to what it could be. I would really love to talk about it

next time we have a chance to talk and hopefully resolve things. I have really missed you,

you have no clue how much.

I can't even count how many poems I have written, just over the past week or so. I haven't

posted any yet, but I plan on it. Well, all but one. That one can stay with me for a while,

I dont think that I feel with publically showing that one quite yet. Maybe someday after it

ends up going to who it belongs to.

I imagine this is a lot of gibberish to most of you, and I'm sorry. Just trying once again

to sort out things. Seems like if I can't talk to someone I can always go here. Poetry,

music, and writing. My one escape from the world.

But hell, if all else fails. There's always escape route two...

Ragnarok Online

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Thursday, June 17, 2004

Long long day. Woke up at nine after staying up till four in the morning writing poetry and

finding wallpapers and all this other senceless garbadge. Then I worked on my room for most

of the day doing the electrical work (Jessie (brauer), you get to help me with sheetrocking.

Kara, you can just hold the power drill and dance around or something).

Then after I got done with electrical I screwed around with my laptop for a little trying to

fix some things. I was on hold for HP Tech Support for about two hours, and even after I got

a d4mn representative, I couldnt get the problem solved. I swear, I knew more then that man


So, I figured out the problem myself. Virus that I had to get rid of. Not too hard. Rebooted

and now it works fine. And of course, I have Norton Antivirus, Adaware, and Zone Alarm

protecting my computer.

So, I'm tired and want to go to bed. So I'm going to leave and probably stay up for another

four hours or so.

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Tuesday, June 15, 2004

Got laptop today. Playing Ragnarok Online. Currently 2:30 in the morning. Nuff said.

Saturday, June 12, 2004

Alright everyone, its been a while since I last was on a computer... I have been

grounded for a while (still am) meaning I haven't been able to do like anything. So, I can't

take phone calls, go out with friends, be online, play guitar, play nintendo, listen to

music, nothing till who knows when. Right now, I am at work, using the PC Laptop machines at

their Internet Cafe. So, not too eventful of a week. Bought my laptop yesterday (Pentium 4

2.66 mhz, 512mb ddr-sdram, cost me $1060) which should be here probably next week sometime.

So, I imagine I should be un-grounded from at least computer by next week (I hope...).

Well back to work, I should be here till about 11 or so tonight. Hope you guys had a great

week without me


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Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Today was well, long. Started working about noon or so all day long. And only made about

$110 today... not good compared to other days. I need like 162 bucks exactly to get my

laptop. That's it. So, if I ended up making $110 today (havent been paid for today yet) I

will only need to earn at least 52 bucks on Friday. Then I will finally have enough for my

laptop. I'm really looking forward to finally getting it. I have wanted this thing for a

very very long time. I also get to spend, in addition to the $1150 I'm already spending, $50

more to buy a wireless card. TONS of benefits in having a wireless card. Anywhere where

there is a wireless connection, I can connect to the internet. Meaning, while I work at the

theature, ect. Heck, I could talk to people online while I am working. Sheesh, maybe I will

even bring my webcam for kicks too. <-------

Go there to check out the laptop

-10265&m=0 <---------- Go there to check out the wireless card.

I will need to hold off on my other toy, my Ipod, till I have more cash. Like 240 bucks

beyond the laptop expenses... Sheesh.

I can imagine the comments I will be getting about being greedy, extremely lucky, or

spoiled. All I can say to that are three simple things

1) I work 16 hour work days for this money, aka working my 455 off.

2) I get to place a whopping 40% of EVERYTHING I make into savings. Plus 10% tithing (which

I always do anyway). Meaning I only net 50%... Meaning I get to work even harder cause I

have to make double the ammount of cash it requires to buy something. So, if something was

100 dollars, I would need to make 200 to buy it.

3) Sucks to be you

lol, I am sure most of those don't help the situation. But who cares, I get my laptop and

will be saving up for my ipod too. Ipod may require another scheme to make money though...

hmm I wonder what else I can do. Most likely ebay more stuff or something. We'll see. I can

probably sell my old MP3 player and maybe my Clie, who knows. I'll go through my stuff to

see what I can sell.


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Monday, June 07, 2004

Well Saturday and today were both intersting. I worked all day saturday and over the two

days, I made $1093.50 this weekend alone. Which is really good, cause I should be able to

get my laptop really soon, like Tuesday if I am really lucky.

Stopped home, where I found out some very unfortunate information... I went to the dance and

took Kara out to the halls and told her. It was extremely hard to tell her and even harder

to just hold her there and tell her it was going to be alright... I dont know why that was

the hardest part, I guess just seeing her sad makes me feel sick. We ended up going back to

the dance and just not caring the rest of the time. The rest of the dance (the hour or so I

was there) was fun. Not the best dance, but it was still fun. I danced with one girl I didnt

know, danced with Sarah once, Katy once (amazing.), Jessie once, and Kara like three times.

Today wasn't really eventful. I stayed up till about one or so talking to my mom. Then I

talked to kara till about 3:15 am (monday). And now I am headed to bed.


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Saturday, June 05, 2004

Sheesh, its about one or so in the morning and we are in Salt Lake City working at

the Gateway. Holy freaking crap I am tired... I got about four hours or so of sleep last

evening, which was by far not enough for me. Right now I am on one of those 'try our PC

Laptops' promotion computer things, somewhat giving this a 'test drive' while at the

theature. Actually, more like taking advantage of a GOOD computer and a wireless internet

connection. nyao.

Anywho, plans for tomorrow are work all day long, and hopefully make it back in time for the

dance (which is at 8:30). If I dont make it for some reason, sorry guys. Right now Shaun and

I are counting up the cash and taking our cuts of the cash. All together, we made about

$1500 today. Should hopefully be out of here by three or so

Anyways, this computer has a time limit of like 5 min before it shuts off so I better get


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Friday, June 04, 2004

Alright, I'm like really tired cause its around 3 in the morning, so time for a quick rant:

Jesika, I hope you didn't wait for me till two, cause that would be sad. No more staying up

waiting for me, alright?

Kara, you just plain suck I'd use other words, but this is somewhat of a clean site . Thats

why there is the great invention of flipping people off through each other's webcam's right?

You have no clue how bad I will be getting you back. Even if I deserved it, you just gave me

an excuse to get you .

Working (lots) tomorrow. I hopefully will make it to the stake dance on saturday. Jessie,

you owe me a dance and two hugs and some other stuff too so you can't forget incase I don't

talk to you tomorrow or saturday for some dumb reason.

Thursday, June 03, 2004

Thank you Jesika. My Jessie, my angel. I love you and don't know how I could have made it

through this hell without you.

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Wednesday, June 02, 2004


Picture you lying there

Tears stream down your face

Both sadly alone again

In this hollow place

As I watch the gray days fade

Pen shaking in my hand

I write the words I cannot say

The words I can’t describe

It’s hard to see

Through blinded eyes

By the tears

Of all those empty nights

The nights we cried

The nights we died

The nights we lay awake at night

The nights our hearts break inside

Beyond the sorrow

Past the pain

Hollowed by the memories

The memories again

Lying there as summer fades

And fall begins to blow

Horror racked and lost once more

No where left to go

Wish I could feel your heart again

Just beating with mine

That alone would give me strength

To see through all the lies

The nights we cried

The nights we died

The nights we lay awake at night

The nights our hearts break inside

Beyond the sorrow

Past the pain

Hollowed by the memories

The memories again

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I've gotten to the point where I'm hopelessly confused again. I have no clue what I am going

to do, only how I feel and that nothing can change it. Part of me wishes that it would all

just go away, that I wouldn't care anymore. Stop hurting myself, stop caring. Then, there is

another side of me that can never say goodbye. Never stop, never wanting to let go. There is

no happy medium, it really is either 'all or nothing'. It isn't about moving on anymore. It

is either keep what I have with her, or give it all up. And really, I can't just give it all

up. Last time I tried, it did not work at all and I ended up in a pointless relationship

living a pointless lie. So, the real trick is to truly want to let go. If I really want to

let go, I will be able to. But if there is any part of me that doesn't want to let go, I

won't be able to.

There is only one person who really truly understands. The one person who has been through

what I have, the one person I can relate to. The one person I'm trying to let go of. My only

help is the one who hurts, and that makes it that much harder. Not saying that I'm not at

all thankful for her because I sure as heck am.

Gall, so confusing though, and hard. Just because I cannot stop caring. Can't stop loving

her. And I know how much a lot of you know the overuse of that word, or don't understand or

think it's not appropriet. I really don't care. I feel the way I feel and I know how I feel

no matter what else anyone else says.

Truth is, we are all stuck. Stuck in some d4mn way and are unable to get out. It's not like

one person can magically change how they feel, no one can. So we are stuck at where we are

at till something finally happens and effects the feelings of someone. But once you have

truly seen a person, seen what you love inside the soul of a person, you cannot turn back.

They remain a part of you forever.

Summer I am afraid, won't solve anything. It's just harder to be away from everyone, not

seeing them everyday. Makes it that much harder...

I doubt I'll be getting much sleep tonight, so I'm probably just going to make the most of

my time doing something somewhat productive. Who knows. Plan for tomorrow is to see a movie,

which I hope I get to do.

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Monday, May 31, 2004

Carnal & Fallen




I will not be there

I’m sick of this lie

I’m sick of this life

I’m sick and tired of being behind

Tired of contention between you and I

I’m leaving it behind.

I don’t plan on coming back

I don’t plan on coming back

Carnal & fallen I always remain

Always cast aside

I won’t be giving up the fight

I won’t be giving up the fight




Will not fall again

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Sunday, and with most typical Sundays, this one was typical.

Woke up, went to church, did my home teaching (100% this month), came home and played Final

Fantasy X, hung out and talked to Steven for a little bit, typed in this.

Well, I decided that staying away from games for too long isn't good for my health. So I

fired back up the old PS2 and have been playing it a ton. I forgot how much I love Final

Fantasy X. Such a freaking good story line .

Finally convinced my dad into letting me buy a laptop. I will be working starting on

Thursday, so hopefully I will have enough cash to buy that and my Ipod.

Ipod+Laptop+Neverwinter Nights/Final Fantasy XI Online=Pure Happyness

Well, I guess you can call that happyness. Single again, so I guess I need something

pathetic like that to fill in the void . I can imagine the comments I will get off of that

one .

Well, off to play Final Fantasy X. I will probably need to get a comic done by Tuesday, and

I desperately need to practice guitar some more. I have written a ton of new stuff that I

want to play with.

Sunday, May 30, 2004

Alright, to recap the events of Friday:

Went to school and made it through that. Kara, Katy, Jessie, and Arin decided to go put

Oreo's and toilet paper and stuff on the Seminary teacher's cars (they actually got

permission, amazing I know). After that, we just kinda said our goodbyes and sat on the curb

of the seminary building waiting for everyone's rides to come.

It was my sister's birthday and she got a new basketball, so we went out and played for a

while. Then I went inside and cleaned out the basement. After I got most of that done, I

talked with David more about the comic. I went to start, and realized that my freaking pen

had died. So I ran with my mom and sister to grab some more pens. Came home and tried to

find out if everyone (meaning kara, katy, and jessie) was going to go out and do something

tonight. So, I told them not to count on me cause I may not make it back in time because we

were going out to dinner for my sister's birthday. Left and ate a very good dinner at

Macarroni Grill (yummy). then came home and tried to figure out with everyone what we were

going to do in the evening.

Took us a while, but we finally got everything figured out. So, around 8:15 ish we all met

at the bowling alley and played a game. Then we played a (really) quick game of pool and

Katy's mom gave us a ride to Jessie's.

Went to Jessie's and holy crap her house is nice! We went into the basement and just goofed

off while watching a movie. I swear, we each got hurt at least once. It was crazy, yet funny

and hilarious at the same time. Estrogen everywhere, I swear. This was beyond the 'drunk

kara' (lol) night at bowling. It got to the point where they all were wrestling each other

on the floor it was hilarious. I had NO clue that Jessie fought that hard. It was SO

freaking funny to watch, and all around, it was a blast.

Got home and decided 'screw going to bed' so I got most of comic one done. Then I finally

decided to go to bed at one or so.

Got up around 9:30 and my Grandpa came over. We worked on my room and finished framing the

west wall. Only one more wall to frame! My grandpa truly is a great man, I just love him to

death. I don't know what I would do without him.

After that, I just kinda hung out today. Did a little bit of everything. FINALLY finished

comic one. Sorry it took a while Dave, but I really have been busy. Cleaned it up and posted

it. Finally done .

Rest of the night I didn't do a ton. I have no clue how long I have listened to Catalyst, I

have listened to the CD all the way through at least twenty times in the last two or three

days. It's like almost every song on here I can relate to. It's rare to find a CD like that


Talked to Trisha for the first time in a long time. It was great to talk to her again, cause

I haven't talked to her forever. Mostly because I can't stand being near Mike. And Mike is

usually around Trisha, so yeah...

Well, I'm starting to get tired and I still want to play Final Fantasy X before I go to

sleep tonight, so I will wrap this post up

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Saturday, May 29, 2004

My Catalyst-

This feeling keeps me here

I know the reason why

The secret within your heart

That I see past the lies

Because I can see

You’re deeper then the skin

Deeper then the blood within your veins

The secret lies within the heart.

My catalyst

The direction of my life

Why is the path you choose

Always to fall down?

Yet, I always fall with you

I always fall with you

I question if time will change a thing

Though, somehow I know it won’t

Because I still see the secret within your heart

That I still see past the lies

And I still see

You’re sorting through the same pain

The same lies and endless memories

Searching for your exit

My catalyst

The direction of my life

Why is the path you choose

Always to fall down?

Yet, I always fall with you

I always fall with you

What you don’t see

Is I hold back because

I still sort through the same pain

The lies and endless memories

Searching for my exit.

Public - 8:37 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

On Strings-

Your cold stare

A shot to my heart

But why should you care?

While he is there

I doubt you’re aware

How deep this truly runs

Why am I

A simple marionette on strings

Move left, move right

At your command

You’ll never let me go

I cannot breathe

My words cut short by the gnashing of your teeth

Still cannot see

How anyone could do this to me

Why am I

A simple marionette on strings

Move left, move right

At your command

You’ll never let me go

Is there a time?

Please let me know

Will it be?

Please let me know

Public - 8:37 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


There are those countless nights

Times that I’ve stayed there

For no reason

Watching your blank stare

Yet, those times don’t matter anymore

Those nights have died

Left you long ago

Yet I still lie here

Covered in snow

Yet, I do not matter anymore

This is my endless chaos

This is the gateway to my mind

Though I doubt you understand

Yet I listen to your lies

And still never question

But why do your actions

Contradict the words you say?

And I still wear the willow

The vicious cycle

No it never ends

Closest enemies

Rarely are friends

Yet I still live on

And I ask myself

Why I does she do this to me?

This is my endless chaos

This is the gateway to my mind

Though I doubt you understand

Yet I listen to your endless lies

And still never question

And I still wear the willow

*A lover forsaken by, or having lost, the person beloved, is said to wear the willow.

Public - 8:35 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Alright, I am WAY too tired to write it all down now, but today was a blast. Quick reminder

for myself when I write more tomorrow. events for today were school, basketball, cleaning,

comic, macaroni grill, bowling, jessica's house, late night sketching all while listening to


Ok, so there's my reminder for tomorrow.

Thursday, May 27, 2004

a great move and the trebuchet slipped and *thwip* flew up and cut right through my hand

quite deep... so that bled for a while. went to school a little late, and dropped everything

off. During launching in second period, we were only able to get about 35 feet as our

record, not nearly as good as testing which was about 53 feet. Oh yeah, I also cut my leg

with the trebuchet too... not fun.>

Kara, Jessie, Katy, and Arin. We just hung out and everyone was spastic. We also ate pizza

which was cool.>

on getting our webcomic online, which we hope to do by tomorrow. The homepage will be go there now if you want, check out what we have done so far. Just hung out

and stuff tonight. Went to Walmart and Target and picked up some stuff. Including New Found

Glory's new CD Catalyst. Which is awesome. The art on it is interesting as well, quite


the site. Plan is to get to bed by midnight tonight. So hopefully I will be able to do


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Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I go to bed. So I will be adding later, when I feel like it >

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Tuesday, May 25, 2004

saying something about a hangover, so I chimed in 'Oh yeah, I know how that goes' and she

said something along the lines of 'How would you know?' Then in a kidding way, I said 'Maybe

I would'.>


convinced that I was serious and told her.>

wasn't working out, SHE ended up being the one to dump me. (Well, not really her. One of her

friends, which pissed me off that she doesn't have the guts to tell it to my face. I will

explain more about why that pisses me off below.)Which I thought was kinda ironic. So,

anyone have a guess about the real reason WHY she dumped me?>

drinks'. So, after explaining it all, she was all like 'Oh... whoopse'. Then I had to leave.

But I thought it was that hilarious/ironic that that was the reason for her leaving me. I

mean serioulsy, just a few days ago, I asked her if she could just freaking be more open

about me. And so she dumps me without talking to me first cause she got some random tip off

that I was an alcoholic (which, everyone who REALLY knows me can totally laugh at that with

me). I mean, how stupid can you get. If I had dumped Kara back in the day because of

everything everyone had told me, we wouldn't have the relationship we have now. Gall, I had

people telling me that the girl worshiped Hitler, I mean come on. (By the way, to the best

of my knowledge, Kara does not worship Hitler or Satan..)>

or whatever. I mean seriously. Some people need to majorly suck it up and gather their

courage and freaking just do it. I mean, good heck people. Do the job yourself. I think

asking people out through their friends, through email, ect. Is one of THE stupidest things

you can do. I mean seriously, I have developed relationships with people close enough to be

stronger then that. That is the kind of thing we did back in grade school... gall.>

with. Be it a frienship, love interst, ect. Just freaking be open. Life is too short to do

otherwise. Tell people how you feel, what you think, ect. Because keeping it all bottled up

inside and trying to have a relationship with someone is just not going to happen. I swear,

that was THE worst relationship I have been in. It was pointless and absolutely no fun. Heck

even LINDSEY was better then this was. And that is saying something.>

done. No sending an email to be indirect as possible. Time to look that person in the eyes

and tell them what you think, no matter how you think they will respond. Better in the end

to be honest.>

hopefully in return they will be upfront with you.>

Though, you should probably get to bed.>

video games >

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Wrote this one a while back, never posted it though.


The shadows of our past

The day I realized

Our story wouldn’t last

No need to fantasize

No need to live

No need to be

With her, with you

Her there with me

I realize, I finally see

How life is really going to be

Between these roads

Two roads to choose

Everything to gain,

Everything to lose

No need to live

No need to be

With her, with you

Her there with me

I realize, I finally see

How life is really going to be

My scars have faded

My night goes on

My chosen path

That you aren’t on

So there’s…

No need to live

No need to be

With her, with you

Her there with me

I realize, I finally see

How life is really going to be

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Not great, just for fun really. It's not really a dark poem like I normally do. More of a

'finally' and somewhat pissed off poem. Enjoy


Out alone again. It’s the same old trend.

Just seen in a different light.

Screw all those nights, pointless to try

To make it all work alright

Dammit, I…

Just want to be free

Forget her and me

And the waste of time

I spent being with her

Forget all the lies

All the times that I tried

To get past the stupid pointless dream

But it’s already forgotten.

Awake again, not the same

Without you in my life

Nothing left to hold me down

No more room to drown

How did you say that you loved me?

It’s already forgotten.

Just want to be free

Forget her and me

And the waste of time

I spent being with her

Forget all the lies

All the times that I tried

To get past the stupid pointless dream

But it’s already forgotten.

Unprepared for this

It’s way over her head

Pointless again

And already forgotten

Monday, May 24, 2004

Megatokyo, just cause I wanted to. You know, I figure why go to bed if I have something

better to do anyways right? >

done and went to my grandma's. Ate dinner over there (thanks grandma, it was great ) and

came home around... hmm I wanna say eight or so, but I dont remember.>

I'll get the details all worked out, but it definately looks like a reality. Not too

eventful, just another typical Sunday. I sketched a tiny bit, just more of sketching

different perspecitves to get a feel for it then actually productive good-looking work.

There's also some poetic material I have been sitting on that I should probably write,

possibly tonight depending on when I go to bed. I really really gotta get in bed before 11

cause im dying.>

aren't here if you pretend you never came.>

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Sunday, May 23, 2004

whole room project definately would not have been able to go anywhere without him. I love

him to death, he's the greatest.>

worked some things out with Bekah. This sure as heck will be interesting...>

there... so close to being done. But it launched a marshmallow about 53 feet on average so

far. Thats before we added more weight to make it fly farther .>

going home. We went to Walmart to get some string for the Trebuchet and buy some milk. I'm

not kidding when I say 'holy shiz'. That store is freaking huge. I swear... It is actually

THE largest Walmart in the US. I like to call it 'Mall-Mart'. Gall it's big... freaking


Walmart sometime this week. Just because we can.>

matter what you think ) so I'm going to wrap this up. Kara, I called you today and you

wern't home, hopefully you were out doing something fun >

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Saturday, May 22, 2004

lot going on lately, and I have been doing a ton. Alright lets start with Friday then move

on from there.>

blast. Hilarious as well, as it usually is. Second period we sat through a very very long

presentation and I barely made it through math alive. Though I actually wrote a rant in Math

cause I was bored, infact I will probably update it here in a sec. Sorry for my sucky

handwriting in it though (lol).>

want to leave yet, cause it wasn't three. So we kinda slowly walked away from her car :lol:.

After she left, I hung around and waited for my mom to come. She was late, but for a very

very good reason. She bought Krispy Kreme's *yummy*.>

swear, ever since that last week of late night projects, I have been addicted to caffine.

not a good thing.). Then came home and worked on my room. The window was almost done, and

all we had to do after we finished Friday was to cement the window in.>

out. I had to turn down like four people to doing something last night, which was too bad

cause there were a million fun things I could have done last night. But being with my uncle

was definately the best choice because I haven't seen him forever and it was a blast to hang

out with him.>

took us a while to get everything right, but most of it is done now. We stopped about 11 or

so and Shaun and I went back to my place.>

them not good news... great. One of them gave me a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach and

I thought 'Oh shi...'. Unfortunately, I haven't been able to help with that problem yet

because it was 11:15 when we got home so I couldn't call Kara.>

Revolutions at Cleanflicks and watched it from about 11:30 to 1:30. It wasn't great to be

honest. The first two were definately much better, simply because it wasn't a neverending

battle against the Machines, which I found to be booring after the first five minutes. There

were some good parts, when they actually were inside the Matrix (which was less then 20 min

of the two hour movie). Also, I didn't like how Trinity gave her long speach before... yeah

I won't spoil any of it. On top of that, it had a ton of parts that were WAY too

predictable. All and all, it was alright. Not amazingly great, but alright. Still worth

seeing if you have seen the last two or are an avid Matrix fan.>


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Thursday, May 20, 2004

with the Xanga skin. Second cause I have to get my resume finished by tomorrow maybe when I

feel 'unlazy' I will post more and maybe draw something, play something, or be productive in

some extracirricular activity. Only 7 freaking days left, finally... the end is near.>

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Tuesday, May 18, 2004

Go there for today's rant

Sunday, May 16, 2004

I woke up at like 10 ish today, cause I went to bed around two talking to everyone so

freaking late. (Kimball, Blake, Bekah, Jessie J., Sarah to name a few I bet there were

others I dont remember, sorry if I missed you). So I got up and just kinda hung around for a

while. Played guitar for around two hours just figuring out some new stuff and playing with

power chords. Then I got the sledge hammer and took out the basement wall (which was fun).

Finally, got that dang wall down... it only took like forever. So far, that has been the

biggest pain in the butt of this whole room project. John came and he helped me clear out

the concrete from the basement. Then I headed to Target to go get Kara's birthday present

with John. Went back to Johns for a little while till like 10 or so then came home and typed

in this and talked to Jessie till like 1. JESSIE GETS TO STAY AN EXTRA MONTH! YAY! We

decided to write a song together, cause it was late and we were bored

Black and White

Quietly lies beneath the sky

A child of the fall

Deeply sighs a cold long breath

For that’s her only cry

The gray skies fade

The dead leaves fall

Octobers whisper

Then will call

Black and White

Night and Day

Death and Life

Sorrow away

Joy and Pain

Love and Hate

Despair and Hope

Solemn life again

Fervent thoughts of you

Of forsaken ends

Bleed the tears, shed the life

The call your spirit sends

Sits beneath the silent tree

Slowly rocking back and fourth

Below the morbid sky

As her shaking voice cries

Black and White

Night and Day

Death and Life

Sorrow away

Joy and Pain

Love and Hate

Despair and Hope

Solemn life again

Gently the winds blow through the leaves

A quiet reminder that there is more then pain

Regardless of how solemn the world will be

How solemn your heart now lies

Sorrowful, hopeless, alone in the night

Still below the silent tree, regardless of it all

-Jessica Jackman, Shane Seagle

Well, usually I don't plan out work with someone else, so this was an interesting new

change. It was more mechanical then heartfelt to be honest. And I now kinda have a weird

feeling after writing it... I think I better get to bed.


*Ironically enough, this is the 13th poem I have written (I think) well, at least written

and put on here. scarry...

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Saturday, May 15, 2004

Alright, today I will actually be doing a semi-long rant *gasp*. I know, I've been really

really busy lately with all this crap, but I felt that I owed something to myself to

actually write a bit today. Since I finally asked Bekah out.

Well, it only took me like 3 days from when I planned to ask her out. My hopes was to ask

her Tuesday, but I didn't see her like all day or something, then one day she was gone to

alpine days, another day I was gone, then finally today I was able to.

But lets not rush to that, because I doubt there are a ton of you who actually care anyway.

Woke up, went to school, school ended.

Alright, there you go. It wasn't like some big giant thing, we just walked outside and I put

my arms around her, and just asked her out, then we gave each other a hug and yeah, there

it is. Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that she said 'yes'.

Hopefully I'll get to go to a movie or something with her tomorrow. *crosses fingers*.

Alright, rest of the evening consisted of talking to Jessie (Brauer), who I haven't talked

to in a long time, and talking a little bit to Kara. And of course, talking to Bekah. Then

around 6, I went to Fathers and Sons. All the guys in my ward just goofed off the whole time

really. We played poker and BS, then played 500 with a frisbee for a little bit. Then had

this little campfire thing where Brother Hunter told us about his time in Afghanistan, then

we played hide and seek in the dark

Well, there's my night. I smell like a camp fire so I need to take a shower before bed.


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Friday, May 14, 2004

Yes, I have majorly been slacking over the last few days on my blog. I will do yet another

quickie for today cause I feel like actually sleeping tonight.

Worked on my project all day long. I'm almost done... kinda. It WILL be done by Monday!

Went to guitar and learned some more stuff. Then came home and worked some more and watched

TV for the first time in like 3 months. Watched the season finalle of Frasier (lol, I love

that show). Then talked to Jordan and Bekah online for a while. Infact, i'm still talking to

Jordie :)

Alright, lets hope I get some sleep cause I gotta get up at like seven tomorrow and take a

health test :)


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Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Yet another day where I will be post-poning my day again. I'm working on my 'End o the year

project' and plan on getting it done before three in the morning. I am ready with some Salt

& Vinegar chips, a bucket of carmel popcorn, and a 20oz Mountain Dew Livewire (to keep me

awake). I will beat the system and prove Jennings wrong. This project was supposed to span

over the course of 9 months, or the entire school year. I will be getting it done in one


Not one month, not one week, not three days, less then one day.

Hopefully will get to bed by 3. Wish me luck!


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It's around one in the morning, and I still need to go take a shower. So I will be posting

tomorrow. My caffine is slowly wearing off for the evening, and I just finished my Health

Project called 'Shane's really cool story about germs invading the human body.
influence of caffine, at one in the morning. Baka...>'

Yep, that's the actual title, which shows you how screwed up I am this morning. I'll post

more about the day tomorrow when I have the time


Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Monday, gall the start of another week. First period was fun (as usual). We are totally

kicking the trash out of France (in the game we are playing). Second period was packet work

all day, not fun. Then hung out with Kimball and Kara a little bit between PE (they had

lunch). Went to PE, and wasted even more time outside by walking around with Kara instead of

playing Steal The Flag. Then I got the rest of her Mountain Dew Livewire (my energy boost).

Thanks Kara, I needed that

After school, hung out with Bekah for a little bit, then went to my grandparents. Mowed the

lawn and stuff, then came home and hung out for the rest of the evening. And now I'm just

talking to Bekah and Jessica online Though, I should be in bed like right now...


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Monday, May 10, 2004

Happy Mother's day to all you mothers/future mothers out there! Today was mostly a typical

Sunday. I woke up, went to church, came home, went to my grandparents for dinner, came home,

went to bed.

Well, that was my day summed up. Not a ton of specifics, cause I'm quite tired. Hopefully

this week will be looking up . I have a ton of work to do, but I have some fun things

planned too


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Sunday, May 09, 2004

Today I woke up at 9 and worked on my room like all day long. Started off by cleaning the

basement before my grandpa got here. He came at about 9:30 and we went to go get screws at

Cal Ranch, then cut the boards and framed our first wall (yay!). After that, we couldnt do

more till we cut the concrete for the new window. So I dug a bigger hole, about 3 feet deep

for around 45 min. Then I sat and hacked away at the concrete wall for a whopping 2 hours

while I listened to the radio. That was a royal pain in the butt...*sigh* I was so freaking

tired after today, but it was great to get some progress on my room. Plan is to have the

window in by Tuesday, and continue framing.

Well, that was my extremely fun day. I'm extremely tired now, so I should sleep well tonight


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Saturday, May 08, 2004

Another A day. Walked with Kara to math and tried to get her to run through the sprinklers

with no luck . Then spent most of first period being Jenning's little 'ant'. Last part of

the period though, we went out with the Janitor and broke sheetrock and acted like iddiots,

which was fun. We were like 30 min late to our next class, which was also sweet.

Day went on and lunch rolled around. Then I found out about a certain email I hadn't noticed

I got that kinda put a damper on my plans... oh well not a real big deal, just a stumbling

block I guess. Ate lunch with Bekah and everyone like I normally do, then walked to

Geometry. Ran into Kimball while I was going there, who asked me to chug down half of his

Pepsi Vanilla (cause he couldnt take it to seminary). I was hoping that would be the caffine

boost I needed for Geometry, it wasn't.

I barely made it through less then a page, but I just could not focus at all. So I took the

time to write notes to everyone instead. I think I wrote three notes in Geometry today which

is like a major first for me. Fourth period was booring too, read Diary of Anne Frank


Got out of school and met Jessie, who had gone to the Great Salt Lake today with Katy. Both

of them were like covered in salt, especially Katy. Her pants were like super stiff, it was


So, I headed home. Tried to figure out this whole forum mess with Blake, there are going to

need to be some changes definately. Plans kinda fell through with everyone (Jessie, Kara,

Bekah) cause we worked our butts off on the Basement. We also bought the wood, so we are set

to start tomorrow.

I can't wait for this room to finally be done, and for summer to start. Bad part about

summer though, is Jessie leaves... *sniff*. I am definately going to miss her a ton... It's

not going to be easy without her, but I know she will have fun over there in Montana.

Probably meet some guy or something, right Jessie .

Alright, well I am about to fall over because I am so freaking tired, so I think its time

for bed.


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Friday, May 07, 2004

Simply put, today was a blast.

First off, went to school and had a yearbook meeting (not the best part of the day, but bear

with me). Met Bekah before school and talked, then went to first period. Then we played that

Diplomacy game in history again, which was fun (We are doing that for the next two weeks or

so). Walked with Bekah to her history class, then core tested in science (yuck). Got checked

out for an orthodontist appointment (also not fun) and then went to Terriaki Styx

(spelling...?) for lunch. Went to the park by the library, and I checked out some books.

Then I spent around 45 min at my grandma's just visiting and stuff.

Came home and talked to Bekah for a little bit. Then I sorted things out with Kara, which

was a big relief. Then I took off to guitar, where I learned a ton (mostly dealing with the

scales and stuff, which was awesome). Then I came home, talked a little online with Jessie.

Then Kara called and I talked to her for a while, while joining Blake in a little

'expedition'... Which was both entertaining and fun at the same time. Kara was laughing her

head off the whole time, which was a nice change . John came over later, while I was still

on the phone with Kara. So he talked to her for a little, and I went with him to Gamestop

and Target. Target still doesn't have the new freaking Yellowcard cd... *sigh*. Then we left

for his place and hung out there for a little bit.

Came home, and cleaned the Kitchen (another not good part) then wrote in this while I talked

online with Jessie.

Tomorrow is definately going to be interesting, depending of what I do So we will see how

things turn out


Thursday, May 06, 2004

Alright, quick recap on yesterday then onto today.

Another B day yesterday, cept for History, which was awesome. I'll touch more on history

later though cause I'm pressed for time.

Rest of the day was normal, went to mutual, played basketball at Mitch's, got eaten by

mosquitoes, came home and went to bed.

Alright, onto today.

A day, which I hate. I found Jesika and Katy later in the morning right before school. Then

I talked for a little and went with Bekah to class. After Tech Crew (we are still being

little ants and working to try to build flats) I decided to pretend I was Neo again and run

up the side of the wall some more. Met Bekah and Arin and walked to 2nd period. Made it

through that period too (though Health isnt bad since I have Clayton, who is another cool

teacher). Then Bekah and I ate lunch outside and talked and stuff.

Apparently, she's leaving Skyler, I didn't tell her to do it or anything. Simply because I

could never intentionally ruin that for someone. She still likes me, and I don't think I

helped by hanging out with her and being her friend while they went out. Oh well. It is

kinda a mean thing to think, but now she is wide open again. Meaning that I will be able to

ask her out .

I really didn't want to do that to Skyler though... even though it wasn't me who directly

did it. Oh well, we will see how things work out.

3rd period, Geometry. I think I did well on my test, then went to English and made it

through alive (lol). After school I couldn't find Jessie, so I walked with Bekah to track.

My mom was like 15 min late picking me up, so I went to the seminary builiding and visited

with Brother Perry and Brother Anderson for a little bit.

Came home and cleaned the kitchen, then spent a little time online, then cleaned the

basement. Talked to Jesika, and went to bed.

I have yearbook tomorrow so I gotta get to bed tonight if I hope to make it on time

tomorrow. Tomorrow is definately going to be interesting, as is Friday. We'll see how things

turn out.


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Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Quite tired tonight, Jessie asked me if I was going to bed any time soon. I told her I

wasn't sure cause I had a lot I wanted to do (some writing, sketching, and guitar playing)

before I went to bed. But being the guardian angel that she is, I decided I should listen to

her. So we both got off and went to bed. Hopefully I'll be able to get some rest, it is

going to be a very long week...

I'll add more later, like tomorrow.


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Tuesday, May 04, 2004

Monday... uh. School AGAIN. I'm going insane. First period, I decided I hated Tech Crew. I

walked with Jessie to her class instead of going with Kara and Trish like I always do. I

made it through first period, and walked with Bekah and Arin to 2nd period. Made it through

second period, and ran into Bekah again at lunch. Then made it through Geometry (barely) and


After school, just kinda hung around waiting for Jessie and Katy. Apparently, Arin and Katy

locked Jessie into a bathroom stall... So it took a while for her to get out . Poor Jessie,

how could anyone be mean to her (lol).

Kara got drug away from whoever she was talking to by Katy and Jessie. Apparently they had

to go to Mr. Dickersons for something, I have no clue what it was. I kinda bailed on them

and walked with Bekah. It isn't like I was really talking to them or anything anyways. I

have barely said 3 words to Kara today.

Anyways, school ended and I went to my grandpa's to mow the lawn like I normally do. Then I

came home and worked my freaking butt off all night long... I had SO much Geometry, I swear.

I STILL have some left... good heck *sniff*.

And I also have my end of the year project. Gall, I swear sometimes, I just consider failing

that stupid class...

Of course, I can't do that. But there's always the comforting thought, just for fun .

Finished English too *phew* So thats taken care of. Tomorrow I have a bunch of stuff I get

to turn in (oh joy). Gall these last weeks are killing me...

It's interesting how one person can turn that all around though .

Now I am MAJORLY kicking myself in the 455 for not asking her out and telling Skyler it was

alright... *sigh*. STUPID STUPID STUPID ME *smacks head on keyboard, again*.


Alright, well I talked to BEKAH (sigh) tonight for a while. And then I talked to Jesika too.

Jesika's new nic-name is 'Angel' now, cause thats what we decided. And Jesika's like always

perfect and willing to help me out and be my best friend whenever . So she's my guardian

angel (yay!). It's awesome to have my own guardian angel now.

Of course, I'm still Pyro . Always have been, always will be. I'm now Pyro WITH a Guardian

Angel. Just think of it like upgrading a car . Same car, just a whole lot cooler.

Alright, that was like, messed up. yeah... I think it's time to go to bed...


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Monday, May 03, 2004

Sunday. A more eventful one then usual. Woke up and did fast offerings. Also met my new Home

Teaching companion, Brother Britton. Then went to church, and left after we took the

Sacrement because we had to go to my cousin's baptism.

So we went up there. I played my gameboy for probably the first time in like 3 months... I

swear I haven't played a game for like ever... So I played Final Fantasy Tactics Advance

(probably one of THE best GBA games ever, I swear that game lasts forever ) up there while

listening to music. (and Jordan, no matter what you say, Amy Lee is THE best vocalist

ever.). Then we got up there, had her baptism, went to the dinner afterwards. At the dinner,

there was this like drop dead gorgeous, tall, light brown haired girl. Holy crap...

Anyways, I think she was Robbie Bosco's daughter (for those of you who don't know who Robbe

Bosco is, you need to smack yourself ) He was there too, but I didn't realize it was him

till AFTER we left. Otherwise I probably would have went up and shook his hand or something


Then just rode home, I read part of a book called 'True to the Faith'. It's like awesome. It

is basically a reference to the For the Strength of Youth pamphlet kinda. It has like TONS

of answers to everything. I plan on reading it .

Tomorrow is Monday... crap. I HATE A DAYS! Like really really really really really really

really bad. Doesn't help that I have a D+ in Stage Crew, am failing Health, have a B in

Geometry (with a buttload of new stuff to learn...) and a B- in english...

To add more to that, I have a freaking gay End of the Year project STILL. And some Novel

Portfolio thing to finish *sigh*. I'm in for a long week...

Then lets just add the regular drama to the list, and bam. You have a really really fun week

Well, that raps up this post. I just gotta stay focused. 'Summer, Summer, Summer'


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Sunday, May 02, 2004

Alrighty, today I woke up like at 10. Then we had to go get 'family pictures' taken over at

Target... gall that was painful. I hate having my picture taken, and having them taken with

the family is a little harder, simply cause my little brother is bouncing off the walls . It

was funny and frustrating at the same time. After we got that done, we went to Keith

Jorgensons (or whatever its called) and got another guitar string (yay!).

Came home and played for a little, and talked online. Then went to Home Depot to get an

estimate of the materials we need and how much the room is going to cost. Hopefully we will

be able to frame over the next two weeks.

After Home Depot, just came home and worked on a new layout for the blog. Any input of how

it looks would be appreciated . Then I went to Johns for around an hour, came back, and now

I'm talking online with Jessie, Skyler, and Bekah.

Oh, I dont remember if I mentioned it before, but I told Skyler to ask Bekah out, so he did.

Why I did this, I have no clue... Anyways, I threw that chance away intentionally, and am

still asking myself 'Dude, what the *ahem* is your *ahem*ing problem you senceless piece of

*ahem*! She TOLD you she would have said yes! *hits head on table*'

Yeah, that was the conversation inside my head. I'm still kicking myself in the butt for

being such a stupid 455.


Saturday, May 01, 2004

Sorry about the lazyness... I haven't been this bad about posting on time like forever...

Alright, this one will be for Friday:

I slept in and missed school. Meaning I have only really gone to school one day this week...

(missed Tuesday and Friday on my own, Wednesday and Thursday for school.). I stayed home and

did homework like all day. Got a small dent in my stupid End O' The Year project for tech

crew. Gall, I swear I will average a B even if I work my butt off... and thats if I'm

extremely lucky too.

*sigh* I want summer to be here...

Only bad side to summer is Jessie J. leaves . I am definately going to miss her. Best to

just hang out and enjoy the time we have left before she leaves. Then everyone else goes to

high school next year while I stay at the Junior High. Hopefully next year will be fun.

I will be extremely busy the first few weeks in June. Latest is that I will most likely be

managing all the locations we have in Utah County. So I will be running back and fourth

between locations like every day. But it will definately be worth it. I will be making some

major $$$ this summer. Hopefully enough to get my Alienware laptop (Area 51m, still debating

on which one, I will most likely just customize one).

Alright, so back to the rest of the day. I was playing guitar and freaking broke my high E

string... stupid thing. So that sucked for me. Then Kara and I made plans for the evening.

After a while of planning, Kara, Jessie, Katy, Kimball, and I all went to the bowling alley.

We actually didn't bowl because Kara had something up with her back/neck meaning it wouldn't

be a smart idea to bowl. That and I had like two bucks .

So we all went, Kimball and I got there at like 8:20, thinking that the girls would already

be there waiting for us. Surprizingly enough, they wern't. Katy showed up maybe 5 min after,

and Kara and Jessie showed up probably ten minutes after that.

All I can say is, holy crap. I could smell the estrogen in the air... I thought Kara was

drunk. It was hilarious. Jessie and Katy were like mawling (spelling?) each other. Jessie

ended up with a tiny scratch on her head that was bleeding a little, and Katy got a scratch

accross her face. Then of course, I ended up having to get hurt someway so Katy gave me a

bloody nose . So of course, I get to give her a hard time about that for a little while .

We mostly just ended up playing pool and air hockey and having a good time together just

talking and hanging out.

Got home at like 10, and talked online a little with Kara, Jessie, and Jordan. Then I got

tired and went to bed.

I'm lazy right now, so I will wright about Saturday a little bit later tonight hopefully.


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Friday, April 30, 2004

Alright, this is like a record for me... three days without posting anything. I know it is

crazy... But without further adeu, here are my last two days.


Got all my stuff ready for Clear Creek and went to school. Had a yearbook meeting at 7:30,

then went to first period till 9:15. Then we all got in the bus and took the two hour drive

to Clear Creek. Got there, unpacked and ate lunch. Then we got into activities and stuff.

The total count of people there, by the way, was four boys (and two leaders, Mr. Wright and

Mr. Porter), and 18 girls (and two other leaders). Awesome huh?

First thing we did was this thing where we got these boards and made this human latter

(spelling?) basically. So the person got up and walked accross this path we made by holding

up the boards. Then we did this thing where we got strapped up in climbing gear and climbed

up this long pole that was about the heigth and thickness of a telephone pole. Then we got

to the top and walked accross another board, then propelled down. The next one was similar

to the other one, but two people had to help each other up a huge ladder and try to get to

the top.

After that, we took a break for lunch. Then it started to snow. Our next thing we did was

try to have everyone walk this huge course without touching the ground. All we could stand

on was this wire that was impossible to get accross alone. We only made it about half way

through the course and then we all left to go over by the camp fire. My hands were numb by

then, and my ears were quite cold too. I didn't feel too great, kinda like I had low blood

sugar or something. So I went back to the cabbin to warm up and find some kinda sugar.

Waited for about ten minutes, then went back up to the camp fire. We roasted marshmallows

and starbursts (yes, we roasted starbursts that some girl brought) and ate cookies and

stuff. Made s'mores and all that good camp fire stuff. Told jokes and stories and poked

sticks in the fire (Pyro instincts kicked in of course). Then after we were done with that,

came home and hung out in our cabbin till it was time to go to bed.

Hanging out in the cabbin was a blast. Mr. Wright got out his guitar and we just talked and

played music all night. Then we decided that all the guys were going to sing 'Lean on me'

for the girls. So we all learned that then of course, Mr. Wright taught us dance moves to go

with it. So we worked that out till about 11:30.

Next day, woke up at 6:30 and took a shower. Then we ate breakfast and took about a ten

minute hike up to another area for our next activity. This one was a wall that was around

15-20 ft tall that we had to climb over. So we lifted people over the wall. Then the last

activity, we stood on a plank that was about eight feet tall and fell straight back where

the people below caught us. That was fun and scarry at the same time, just the part where

you slowly started to fall back was the hard part .

After that, we had lunch then we got our cabbins cleaned up. Then us four guys did our

little dance/singing number for the girls before we left. Then we loaded on the bus and

drove home for two hours. Played cards and slept the whole way home.

Got home, and tried to call my mom to have her check me out. Of course, she wasn't there so

I had to sit through english. Then I talked to Katy and Jessie after school for a while.

Went to the office and grabbed the picture from the dance, then went home.

Just hung out for the rest of the evening and talked online, caught up with whatever I had

missed before, ect. And that was my last two days.


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Wednesday, April 28, 2004



I stand as I watch the world spin by

As the stars pass me by

A kind reminder of a life I had

Something more then I have now

Something more then false hopes and lies

Move on before the night consumes me

Keep up the fight before I die

Chance to live, chance to fly

Nothing more again today

Not another life, not another day.

Pave the path that I take

Kicking the dust as I walk

Slowly moving, slowly turning

Around to see life again

Scars still burn

So sick of this

My faith in an angel

Still shining bright

Holding myself down

Still pinned down

Fallen down


Just trying to sort things out, I don't know how good it is... but oh well. I just

desperately needed some therapy for myself.


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Today is going to be more of a rant, maybe I will seep into the details of my day later in

the post. But we'll see.

Gall, I really don't know what I am going to do with myself. Just when it seems that you are

so close to letting go and moving on. You have the chance right infront of you... it is

right there. Just one thing to say, and then it would be over. You'd be moving on in a

different direction with new people, free of the feelings you have now.

I was so close today... so close...

So close to being free again. Then I got an email and everything changed.I realize how

dramatic and cheesy that sounds, but I really could care less right now. Gall, it's like I

will never be free. And I don't even see why I hold back, still stick around. It isn't like

her feelings will ever change, so why do I still hold out? Why don't I just go with the

other girl, the other girl who likes me who I should ask out. Yet I still hold back, still

don't move on. Gall, I can right now if I wanted. But thats the thing, there is a part of me

that still doesn't want to... that still can't let go.

Dang... really thats all I can say. Why do I hold on to false hope... It isn't all I have

anymore. I have the chance to move on, be something more, be loved agian. I wish emotions

could be controlled so much easier. Wish I could let go and move on. Let go of my false


Going to Clear Creek for tomorrow. I'll be gone till Thursday and will get back last period

of the day. Hopefully it will be fun. Not the best timing in the world, I have a lot of

things to sort out... hopefully this will be a nice break. And if it somehow helps me, that

would be great too. I just want to be happy again... be with someone I love and who loves

me... I hate being alone, not having that feeling. Not being with people I care about, not

being loved...


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Tuesday, April 27, 2004

Here, I was lazy over the past two days, so here it is. Sunday I went to church and stuff.

My uncle Ryan, aunt Emily, and my cousin Thomas were over for a little bit. So I got to see

them for a while. Then I went to church and Trek meetings for the rest of the day.

Today, another monday... made it through school, came home, did homework while talking to

everyone. Talked to Bekah like really briefly and talked to Jessie (she is so freaking

awesome, I dont know how many times I have said that but every time, I mean it). Then I

sorted out my own little drama with Kara. She was just talking to me and being quite kind,

complimenting 'Fallen Angel', saying she loved it and stuff, telling me how i'm one of her

best friends. Then of course, I decided to get something off my chest... gall I'm really

sorry Kara, it probably wasn't a good time, but I was shaking after I found out and it

really hurt... so I had to talk to you to find out what was right. I really wish it could

just go back to me, her, and Kimball. Just being friends and having fun like we did before.

Not worrying about who likes whom or anything like that. Just having fun together.

Though, I question if that can happen. We are all growing apart, going our different ways

with different groups of friends. Even I have started too (one reason being that I can't

stand Mike). I'm afraid that soon we won't really have anything to do with each other soon.

Thats why Kimball, Kara and I should start a band I'm telling you Kara... lead vocalist and

guys would fawn over you (more then they do already). Next Amy Lee right there .

Heh, that would be fun. I got to practice a whole lot more though, I really want to play

right now, but I would probably wake everyone up...

As far as 'Fallen Angel' goes, I wrote that late last night. This was one I wanted to write

for a while. It really didn't flow as naturally as most do, it started out kinda tricky, but

flowed near the end. It takes on something new from most of my previous work, I don't know

if it is good, bad, or neither. But I had a good tine writing it. I swear, every song, every

poem I have ever written is sad (with the acception of the 'Hope' one, which I really do not

like). They are all stories of sorrow (OH! AWESOME ALBUM TITLE/BAND NAME RIGHT THERE!

Stories of Sorrow is Copywrite ©2004 Shane Seagle, all rights reserved), loss, heartache,

lonliness (hope I spelled that wrong), death, all these dark subjects, and that isn't even

going indepth with each song/poem. Each thing I have written has a specific purpose for

everything, while most of it was more, um 'less dark' if you can say that (though it is all

depressing stuff ). Fallen Angel takes it to a deeper, darker, perception of things. Hmm,

maybe this means that I'm becoming a deeper darker person .

By the way, I am not some 'Child of Darkness' gothic freak that drinks human blood but for

some reason I really love this direction. It's not like I am going to write any specific way

intentionally, because that's not how it happens with me. My emotions do the writing.

I am probably reading WAY too much into things, but I am just having some fun 'Self

Analysis' around midnight or so. I am yet again in the mood to write, but unfortunately, I

think I need to go to bed... I may do some writing at Clear Creek, hopefully get some

sketching done as well. I can't really bring my guitar to Clear Creek (or more like, I dont

really think it would be the best idea ) so I'm out that one. Tuesday... gall I hope this

week speeds by quick. I really am anxious to finish the week and then look back on it later

and see all the eventful things that will happen. I have a feeling that a lot will change

this week... Lets sit back and watch what happens.


Monday, April 26, 2004

Fallen Angel-

Life is crumbling

The shadows seep in

Standing just alone again

Dreams fly by

Yet everything slows down

Though life still glistens in your eye

Tries to fly on broken wings

And only falls again

She’s my fallen angel,

My fallen friend

Hope is shattered

Nothing’s true

Love’s a lie

No one to save you

So if I die,

If the darkness seeps through

Into my soul again for you

For your superficial love

The lies that I believe

Though nothing was achieved

Tries to fly on broken wings

And only falls again

She’s my fallen angel,

My fallen friend

Hope is shattered

Nothing’s true

Love’s a lie

No one to save you

Time to end the sorrow

Time to end the pain

Finger on the trigger

Life, or death again

Still sorting through the nightmares

Still sorting through the memories again

Yet, she still tries to fly on broken wings

She’s my fallen angel, she’s my fallen friend

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Saturday, April 24, 2004

My head is swirling around and I have a massive headache, so wish me luck in making sense.

After I wrote in my blog yesterday, I stayed up till about 1 or so talking to Jessie J. I

don't know if I really figured anything out, but I do know it helped. And I got a lot of

questions answered that I have wondered for a very long time. It was also a sad reminder

about what a great friend I will be losing...

Today was another A day. Nothing real eventful in school. Came home and got my hair cut

(finally). Then got ready and went to the dance. Waited around a while for everyone to show

up. Arin showed up first, then Jessie came. And Kara came about 30 min or so into it. We

basically all got our pictures taken and walked around. It was cool to see Mr. Wright break

dance though. I had talked to him before about if he was going to do it or not, and he told

me that it would just happen if it was going to happen and that it wasn't really a forced

thing to happen. We talked for a little while, he had 'door duty' for a little while,

meaning he had to guard the door incase people snuck in. We talked a little and stuff, then

there was an announcement and everyone gathered around and he had to break dance. Wasn't

realy his idea, it just kinda happened. They told him he was doing it so he had to Then

after we were just joking about him getting set up and stuff. He is extremely good though,

it's amazing.

Then the infamous 'drama' came up. You know, because someone has to have some drama

somewhere. This time it was something about Mike (Gall, that kid. I swear... hate him with

an undying passion) blowing Jessie (his girlfriend Jessie, not anyother Jessie's that I have

ever mentioned) off. So, everyone bailed the dance cause it was booring and went to Beth's

house. Kara asked me not to come because Mike was going to be there and he needed to talk

with Jessie and if I was there, he wouldn't stay at Beth's, or something to that extent.

Anyways, there was no real reason to go anyways. Really I would just sit there talking to

Jessie J. the whole time while Mike and Jessie tried to solve their problems. And everyone

else watches the events play out and add to the drama. Waste of time really, especially when

all I wanted to do was hang out with Kara and Jessie J. And whenever you add Mike to the

mix, it isn't even worth it. So I just went back to the dance, a little pissed off. But who

cares, I didn't want to deal with Mike's crap anyway.

For some reason, the dance got a whole lot better after they left. I just hung around with

various people and met some new people. I met a girl named Rebekah (yes, thats how it's

spelled). She was fun to hang around, and a hottie to boot. So we just hung out and had a

good time for the rest of the dance.

Dance ended and Mr. Wright and I were just talking and stuff. It is so awesome to be able to

see him outside of school and just talk to him. He is such a great guy. We were talking

about how we want to do dances next year, how he had been stuck at school from

7:15a.m.-8:30p.m. and how he was going to act juvenile for the first time tonight and to to

Nickel Cade with his Brother in Law (who is like 15 I think). It will be so awesome to be

able to work with him next year and go to Clear Creek next week. I am really looking forward

to it and 9th grade. Though, summer is comming too, which I can't wait for. I won't be going

to the Warped Tour though, cause we are on the freaking Trek while it is going on... *sigh*

I swear, I never get to go to ANY concerts...

Oh well, today was really a hit and miss day, as well as a confusing one. Yet again, the

path is infront of me and the next move is mine.


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Thursday, April 22, 2004

I don't really remember much about the last two days. I got ungrounded on Wednesday so now I

am back online. Went to John's yesterday and played a few games of MTG (all of which I won).

Gall, there is a point where it is almost not fun to play because I always win. I know that

sounds kinda stuck up, but it is true. I like never lose, ever. We played a four way game

(Sean and Mitch were over), 3 on 1 (the one being me) and I still won. After that, came home

and talked to Jessie online most of the evening. Talked to Kara for a little bit, then she

talked to Mike on the phone instead (I wonder how long I will bug you about that Kara...?).

Day was pretty much over after that.

Woke up early for a yearbook meeting, just discussed the ideas for the theme and stuff. Then

went to first period and took a history test. Talked to Mr. Wright about going to Clear

Creek next week. We figured out that there will be like 5 guys in our whole dorm, two of

them being himself and the other adviser for the guys. While it's like 17 girls in the other

dorm. Problem? I think not. He told me it wasn't a good idea to go to the girls dorm though,

cause he warned me about Ms. Riley comming with the girls... shoot that plan is out. Oh

well, I have no problem with the gender ratio and he knew that . I will be going to Clear

Creek next Wednesday and Thursday (sleep over Wednesday night, come back 4th period

Thursday). So that should be a blast, looking forward to that.

Dance is tomorrow and I was able to get Kara a ticket, so she is comming too (too bad Jessie

J. isn't comming... I doubt anyone could get her dad to let her). Anyways, that actually is

tomorrow. Not like last week when I messed up the dates .

I am behind on a lot of my personal hobbies. I haven't done any sketches in like forever...

so I need to do that. And I haven't finished writing music for any of my songs. And I

haven't written anything new since 'Kara's Song', meaning I think I should be writing some

stuff too. Anyways, just personal goals right there.

Lately I have been thinking how things will change after this year. I even think that this

summer will change everyone majorly. People will forget some people, while other people will

become even closer. Friends will move on to highschool, while I stay in Junior High. But

even trying to think of all the things that will happen next year to me, is


Seriously, if you compare my 7th grade year to this year... holy crap. This has been my best

year by far, and also my hardest. I have experienced so many new things and made so many new

friends, friends who I hope to have for the rest of my life. Especially meeting Kara and

Jessie (both Jessie's really, Brauer and Jackman). Life is never booring with you guys it is

always some adventure. Be it a good one, or a bad one, we've been through it. I am so

curious to see what happens next year. Who I become friends with, who I meet, who I go out

with, and all the drama we face . Should be fun, I am really looking forward to it.

Next year should be interesting. I have a lot of classes that are somewhat 'free classes'.

Seminary isn't really for a grade, so easy. If I simply stay dedicated and work hard in

Yearbook, it isn't too bad. Plus, it isn't really a class, it's one of those 'get the job

done' kind of classes, where you get to do things and get out. Same with being on the

Student Council (Pride Officer). I have Mr. Wright, and we get to get out of classes to go

work on dances and stuff. Including the play, whatever it is going to be themed next year

(the American Fork Idle was the theme for this year). So that is also a 'get out and do'

class. Then I have Office Aid, which consists of running things around the school all

period. Another 'get out and do' class. So add that all up, that is basically one 'Free'

day. So every other day is a fun day. Sounds good to me . Of course, with the good comes the

bad (well, bad isn't the right term, lets use 'hard'). I have Algebra II (If it uses those

sweet Matrix things, then that would be nice), Honors English, French, Biology. I can't

think of the rest right now. P.E., which I also have next year, is another easy one . Next

year really should be fun, I am really excited for all the new experiences I get to have

next year.

Well, that was a long rant, I better go downstairs and spend some time with the Family and

get to bed. Tomorrow is FRIDAY!


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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

Tuesday, slowly getting through school. I made Pride Officer meaning that I don't need to

take World Civ. or Geography next year (YAY!) That and I get a fun class with an awesome

teacher (Mr. Wright). Of course, it doesn't hurt 3 of the boys in a class full of girls (11

girls, 3 boys ). Gall, this is like the perfect class .

Science was surprizingly fun. We had this awesome pipe that had holes and they were filled

full of propaine and lit on fire. Then you set two speakers by each end of the pipe and

played music and watched the sound waves. Quite cool. I talked Mr. Moon (with some help from

Amanda) into letting us listen to Blindside (which we blasted for a little). Then we

switched to Evanescence (what an amazing band). Quite cool. My Pyro instincts wanted to turn

up the propaine higher and burn everything, but I resisted the urge.

Finished off the day, then went to a quick 5 min meeting for Pride Officer after school.

Next week I go to Clear Creek for two days of school (28th and 29th) so that should be fun

too. Get to know everyone and stuff.

Came home, did homework, and listened to a TON of Evanescence stuff. I totally researched a

bunch of stuff, interviews, ect. You name it. Found out about a new CD they are making

called "Not for your ears". I have heard some of the songs from it, while they are different

from Fallen, they are still good. Though I am yet to hear the whole CD, so we'll have to

wait and see.

I listened to a bunch of interviews done over radio stations with Amy Lee and she really

does seem like an awesome person. She's just a fun loving person full of life, not like her

image of a dark person that she portrays. She just totally kicks A and has an amazing voice

to boot. And yes Jessie, she kicks the pants off of Davey I'm sorry to tell you.

Alright, done with the Amy Lee worshiping. Played guitar a little this evening before going

to Mutual. Then I got a call from Bethany so I talked to her for a little.

Went to mutual and planned our movie out. We are going to do a movie for our Cinematography

merrit badge, and John who makes movies for a living, is going to help us out by filming it.

The loose plot of the movie consists of a band that Mitch and I start and we end up holding

people at gunpoint to make them be our drummer, jumping poor shy people to be our roadies,

ect. Then we start our band, who can't affored real instruments so we use cardboard ones

instead. Then we name our band "Cardboard" and try to be big. I go on a mission and leave

the band and by the time I come back, everyone is a hard core stoner. We get real

instruments and I rejoin the band after my mission. Then in the end, we play this kick A

show and David kills everyone with our Band Van because he doesn't want to be a roadie.

Yes, it is messed up, but was fun to plan nonetheless, somewhat like the little armless

legless shoeless girl who tries to save the dolphins.

Came home and talked to Kara on the phone for the rest of the night. And there you go, my

whole day. I didn't get ANY of "Kara's Song" finished, I really really want to get that

done, I love that song. Hopefully I will be able to tomorrow.


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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

Monday, start of a new week, with less then thirty days left of school. I think I can make

it .

Today, an A day. Geometry is shifting between difficult, somewhat simple, and frustrating.

Though it is always way too long... Tech Crew is going to be tricky to pick up a good grade

in, concidering you need a bajillion Tech Hours before the end of the term, and I still need

to do my end of the year project. On top of that, I have yearbook stuff to do (already) so

that adds to the fun of responcibilities I have.

Came home from school and then went to my grandparents and mowed the lawn. I was mowing when

it started hailing like crazy, so I had to stop and come in. Got done about 5, and had to go

running around with my mom for some Relief Society thing till like 6:20, along with the rest

of my family minus my dad. I had a headache and a hyperactive 4 year old in the car, not a

great combination... I drowned out all I could by listening to my music, but I really didn't

understand why my mom wanted me there. She said she wanted to spend some time with me, but

really, with three siblings and everyone running around, where is the time spent there? I

mean, we don't really get to talk then or anything, it was pointless in my opinion. I know

she really wants to see me more and spend more time with me, and I really want to try to be

able to spend more time with her, but there just are some things I should rather have been

doing then driving around in the car where I didn't get to have any kind of conversation,

and was unable to listen to the radio because of a four year old who hates music for some

stupid reason. (Ok, that was a major run on sentence, but there is a point where I really

dont care, and that point is at 11:00 pm ). I played my guitar for the remainder of the

evening and learned some more stuff (played around with 21 and Invincible, what a good song

) then my uncle called and we discussed my plans for working this summer. I will be working

for at least the first two weeks in June for 10-12 hours a day at least. Major hours

there... but it will be worth it definately, cash wise I am definately making enough to keep

me pleased . Shooting for a laptop, which I think I could definately use. No matter what my

dad thinks (who is a very comptuer illiterate person, way beyond me). He thinks that I am

'just fine with the computers I have now'. Alright lets get some things straight about this:

1) The computers I have now are pieces of *ahem*. I am currently on a IBM with a Pentium

Celeron with 400 mhz processor (which actually really belongs to my dad's work, though we

have had it forever). There are many times when it fails on me for some gay reason and I

lose everything I have and have to reformat... Then lets not even start on computer number

two... my troubled child, my Vaio Pentium 1... 233 mhz... (ancient, my uncle had this when I

was like in 1st grade) That stupid thing I am lucky to have up and running for at least a

week, I only use it to hold my music and stuff.

2) It is my money, which I will be working my 455 off to get, therefore I should be able to

(after savings and tithing) spend it on something that I would enjoy.

If for some reason I can't get my laptop I will definately be trying to get a new PC,

hopefully a better setup then I have now. My new room is my own little Matrix, everything is

connected to everything else. Computer connected to everything. Surround Sound, TV, anything

I can. (connected to lights would be cool ). Somewhere in there, I am still hoping to have a

little cash left over for my ipod. Heck, even right now, I am searching the internet for

reviews, tech info, ect on my new 'cool thing'. Addicted? Yes. Sad? Yes. But I love my music

too much, my music deserves something like this beauty with it's white pearlyness... ooooooo


Ok, that kinda sounded sick... I better back off from that for a while, maybe write "The

Ipod is not a girl, don't get turned on by an Ipod" a few hundred times.

Alright, well as you can tell, I am obviously drunk (at least Kara isn't drunk, right Kara

?) or something, probably should get to bed like now...

Oh yeah, I love my guitar too, it is still my current 'cool thing', the laptop and ipod are

just my 'new cool things'.

-Shane (who likes cool things)

Monday, April 19, 2004

Another bright April day

Though your heart is cold and gray

Belief in hope is all that’s left

Before your spirit dies

Hope for life

Hope for love

Hope for another breath today

Hope for faith

Hope for truth

Hope for courage to live again

Be strong, time to live

Time to stand and fight

Drown in your sorrows, shadows ‘round

You dance all through the night

Live in a never ending dream

A nightmare, a horror, a death

Entrapped, faithless and alone

Still cannot see the skies…

Hope for life

Hope for love

Hope for another breath today

Hope for faith

Hope for truth

Hope for courage to live again

Two roads ahead

A path to choose

An easy life

Or an adventure of pain

The battle is near

The end is ahead

Choose your destiny

Live your life

Faith in life

Faith in love

Faith in another breath today

Believe in faith

Believe in truth

Believe in courage to live again

Alright, not my favorite, probably because it is my only partly 'happy' poem that I wasn't

able to kill. Also probably because I didn't want this one to end in sorrow, I wanted to end

with a hope that things will be fine. Because if we don't believe that things will turn out

alright, what is the point in living?

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Today was another Sunday. Went to church, went to my grandma's, went to a meeting, went

home. I was totally drained today, but surprizingly enough I don't ache a ton from

yesterday. Gall I swear, I had like 17 relatives (some who I have no clue who they are) come

up to me asking me if I was alright and stuff. It's nice that they are concerned, but there

is a point when people need to leave you alone and realize that you will be fine.

Today I had this itch to buy an ipod. I swear I find ways to spend as much money as I

possibly can and always find some new 'cool thing' to get. (Though I am still enjoying my

last cool thing, my Guitar ) This 'cool thing' will cost me around 300-500 bucks depending

on the one I get. So, I will ebay my 455 off and then work this summer and most likely have

one come, hmm, lets say about the 12th of June. There, that is my goal. Ipod by 12th of June

*writes it down*. Hehe, now I can hold every song I ever dreamed of on one device that

weighs less then two CD's. Sw33t.

Alright, now that I added that to my dream list, hopefully my summer job with my uncle will

get me some cash. I'm hoping for around $1,000 which requires me to make 35 sells a day. I

really have no clue how much I will be getting altogether but that is a number he projected.

Heck, I will be happy with whatever I get. Maybe if I save even more and work even harder I

could get my precious laptop too .

Sorry for the rants, but this wasn't the most eventful day. Just trying to keep myself

motivated and busy. One goal after another trying to take my mind off things, though as far

as thinking goes, I have done a lot today. Though after a while, I realized that in the end

it really is going to be fine for everyone. All I had before was hope for something better,

now finally I realize that there is no need for hope, because things will get better for

everyone and things will turn out how they should. God controlls everything that happens,

and everything happens for a reason. So even if something you feel isn't how it should be,

or is hurtful, it is for a reason. I have seen many experiences that I have had and now that

I reflect back on them I see why things happened the way they did. I put my life in God's

hands with faith that he will steer it in the right direction. That doesn't mean that I am

not trying my hardest to change my life into what it should be, because I sure as heck am.

Sometimes though, people need a little help.

Today I finally realized how little a sacrifice fasting is. You sacrifice so little but gain

so much from it. If you truly have faith and believe that what you are fasting for will turn

out alright, then it will. (No, I am not fasting for an ipod ). Best advice I can offer to

anyone is pray, read the scriptures, fast, and read your Patriarchal Blessing (if you have

it). From one of those sources, you will find your answers. Gueranteed. Just have a broken

heart and a contrite spirit and you will receive answers. I truly am greatful for everything

I have. For a loving Heavenly Father who is willing to help me, For a loving family who help

me to become a better person, for amazing friends who never let me down and are always

willing to be there for me whenever I need them, and for all the blessings I have.

Don't let go of hope, it is sometimes all anyone has. Have faith that things will turn out

alright and believe that answers will come.


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Sunday, April 18, 2004

Today... hmm let me think... gall my head hurts kinda bad so it may be hard to get

everything right, but I'll try .

Started off going to my Aunt Trudy's house. I was playing basketball in the rain, tried to

slam dunk the ball, grabbed the rim, and did a little backflip backward and fell a 6 foot

drop right on my head/back... which hurt . After getting off the concrete, and breathing

agian from the wind getting knocked out of me (gall I hate that feeling), I got up and just

kinda hung around the rest of the time. My back, arms, and left leg have been aching all day


Got home, took a Loritab (however you spell it) and went to Johns. Hung out there for a

little, then Sean finally came and we hung out till I had to go at 6. Came home, then Kara

called me, and her, Kimball, Jessie and I all went to a movie. We really didn't even watch

the movie. It was like "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen" I think. We basically just

paid our buck fifty, went into the theature, and made fun of the movie and each other the

whole time. Which was quite fun .

Hung out outside while we waited for our rides to come, then the girls left and Kimball

called his parents. Got home about 9:15 or so and just hung out the rest of the night. My

freaking leg had swelled up, oh joy... I know I'll be feeling that one for the next few

days... Gall and my butt still hurts from Erin kicking it 3 times on Friday.

-Shane (who is broken)

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Saturday, April 17, 2004

Friday... finally. Took long enough. Watched a movie in 1st period, got enclosed in a giant

bubble in 2nd period, watched our Assembly (which was hilarious).

Alright, I guess I'll stop and talk about the assembly for a little bit. It was this spoof

on American Idle called "American Fork Idle'. Basically we had a bunch of people do a

practiced act (this was basically a play). It was quite funny though. Mr. Wright, Mr.

Spencer, and Mr. Dickerson did this little breakdancing act, it was hilarious. Then Ms.

Taylor belted out a song (I didn't know she was so good... wow). There was some other stuff

inbetween, then the finally with Lacey and a bunch of other girls doing this dance, which

was also great (a kind reminder about how hot Lacey is ).

Finished and hung out with Kara for about ten minutes while the chaos of the assembly ended.

I thought I would be really late for P.E. but lucky for me, I barely made it in time for

roll call. Rest of the day rolled by.

Came home, played guitar, got ready to go to the dance, realized that the dance wasn't till

NEXT WEEK *smacks self in head with keyboard* played more guitar, talked to Bethany, watched

X2 again (ah, the good old triangle. Scott, Jean, and Logan... kind reminder, kind reminder)

took a break and played more guitar, finished the movie.

Guitar playing was quite productive today, other then the fact that my first three fingers

on my left hand are now raw from playing so much, I was able to write the music for

'Sorrow'. I haven't really tried my other two ('Kara's Song' already has a piano part I have

been working on, I haven't played much with it on guitar). 'Sorrow' is alright for my first

song I guess I had fun writing it, I guess that's what is most important. It didn't turn

into the slower song I thought it would. It came out much better and turned into a faster,

harder, song while still keeping the same mood. I need to work on it a little, I had to stop

because I wanted to:

A) Finish my movie

B)Allow my fingers to recover

Tomorrow hopefully I will be able to work on my room and maybe go out with my friends. I

guess we'll see.


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Friday, April 16, 2004

I didn't end up going to school today, so I got some work done. My rollerblades came, so I

tried those out. They were too small... so I had to send them back. Dang, oh well. I decided

not to get another pair yet so I can get out of debt. I also had ten bucks left over, so I

decided to buy 'About a Burning Fire' by Blindside. Next CD buy is probably TFK . Man, its

nice to be out of debt, and I will need to buy some blades later when I have cash.

Hung out at home for most of the day, Bethany called me so I talked to her for a little,

then I called Kara and talked to her till I had to go to Guitar. She brought up an

interesting point about the summer, and how maybe our problems will slowly dissolve when

summer comes. I wonder what will happen, Kara will be in Wyoming a bit durring the summer,

so I won't be able to see her a ton, with me being gone and all over as well. And then

everyone goes to High School next year, and I'm stuck all alone... Oh well, don't forget me

guys, we all still need to do stuff no matter what alright?

Went to guitar, came home, went to Johns, went to bed (well, going to bed now ).

Tomorrow is FRIDAY! Finally... And it should be a fairly simple day. Movie in history, demo

in science, and then an Assembly. Yay.

Still writing my music, I really want to finish with my last song soon, then I will work on

my others and then Jessica (Jackman) sent me some great stuff I would love to also write

music for. Man, I love my guitar .

-Shane (who loves his guitar)

Thursday, April 15, 2004

I am so freaking fed up with school. I swear, it is driving me crazy... I can't think for

some reason, and it is almost impossible to make it through each day. The work is

overwhelming me for some reason. I just get to the point afterschool where I simply just

stop because it isn't worth trying anymore because I can't think and get anything producitve

out of it anyways. It's like my life is slowly slipping and i'm turning into a person I

don't want to be. My grades are slowly falling while I try to keep them up, my work keeps

piling up in overwhelming amounts.

And that's just school...

As far as the rest of things go, it's one huge emotional rollercoaster. Extremely confusing,

probably because I make it that way. I don't know, my head is just swimming with all these

emotions and feelings 24/7 that never leave me alone. Maybe that's why school is slipping,

too preoccupied thinking of other things. I don't know really, but I do know that something

needs to change. My life needs to change. I need to change. I'm not doing something right

apparently, I don't know what it is, or what it isn't. But I'm not good enough right now, so

it's time to be better. Only problem is, I don't know how. I have so many things to be

greatful for, which I am, but still something is missing in my life.

I think I will take a day off from school tomorrow, I have a ton of work to get done, and I

really don't want to deal with school tomorrow. I can't wait till this week is over, till

this school year is over.

Most of my day today was, go to school, come home, do homework, go to bed (around 6:30

because I was extremely tired and wanted to just escape from the world for a while) then I

got up, ate, and wrote in here. I just want my life to be better again, it seems that it's

slipping every day... and I don't even know exactly what 'it' is. I really need to go

jogging tonight, think a little and hopefully shake this headache.

By the way, I won't be online for the next week, till next wednesday, so PLEASE PLEASE call

me! I would love to have any social life I can instead of sitting at home doing nothing. I

am totally going to abuse my phone priveladges over the next week .


Public - 12:16 AM - 2 eprops - 1 comment - edit it - email it

Wednesday, April 14, 2004

Kara’s Song-

Standing alone
With tears in her eyes
Quietly moves
As she starts to cry
Cause she’s alone… alone

You go to her
Tell her just to move on
Forget about you
It’s simply just wrong
And she’s alone…alone

Start something new
Dreams are alive
Together we stood
Side… by side…
No need to fear
With her near
No one to be… alone

I lived this dream of her loving me
A beautiful bliss, a symphony
All good has to end, as this did as well
And once again, I had then fell
And now alone… alone

I wrote these songs, my poetry
To finally be free
From you tormenting though
Dancing across my mind
A ghost in my life
To dream I wouldn’t be… alone

It’s hard to live without you there
Hard to dream, life isn’t fair
Hard to see, you away
From me, my soul, my heart again

Time went on
Scars did fade
Set up for a fall
After fall again.

See her in another’s arms
The thought kills you then.
Rips away right to your soul
And still burns right there.

Time goes by; you’re still at her side
No matter how many countless times you tried
To let her go and still be free
Of her though, herself move on to be
Something more, then you are with her
Find someone too
Impossible to convince yourself
She is not for you.

Standing alone
With tears in her eyes
Quietly moves
As she starts to cry
Cause she’s alone… alone

You comfort her
Assure it will be fine
That he left her there
Left her behind
To feel the pain
To be, alone… alone

Hate masks the love she has
For him truly, as you pass
Through her life, remain her friend
Help her to survive.

Forgive the hell she put your through
All the little things to you
Love, and leave you all alone
To live with what she did to me
Never to again be free.
No, never again to just be free
No… no, never again… be free

Struggles to be with the one she loves
You’re wishing it was you
Help her to be happy again
Still, staying true
To her, a friend is all you’ll be
When you’re with her, all you can see
Is the angel that she is at heart
No mistakes tear that apart
The vision still vivid in your mind
Impossible to leave it behind
You’re still alone… alone.

One last night, one more day
To be with her, to simply stay
Never wake from this dream
Never end today

Hold her in your arms again
Her heart beating with yours
Quietly, simply sitting there
Again, not alone.

Looking into her hazel eyes
Your worries cast away
Just another simple though
Of her with you today.
Not hard to dream,
You’ll always be with me

It’s to a girl who took the time to care
A girl who showed me how
How to love, how to live

It’s to the love she had for me
And for her that I have now

It’s for all the times you’ve been there
To try to help me though
Understand the pain I’m in
Just being near you.

It’s for a thought, only a dream
Of you just by my side again
Walking hand in hand.
The story never ends.

Six months later, still waiting
Holding out for you
The road is placed in front of me
The path is mine to choose

If what I think and know is true
If I’m meant to be with you
Things will work, things will be
Finally, my soul set free
Either of you, or with you
I don’t care

It’s to the love I have for you
Will never go away
No matter how much I think of you
You will always stay
Inside my heart, inside my mind
My life, is part of you in mine

If this is what it takes, to live, to never die.
It’s to one who loved and killed me to
To a girl, who only tried
With the beautiful person inside
To make my life worth living.

My angel, no longer
Only in my heart
I miss her, I want her
Wish we could restart
This all over again
Just understand
Just live again.
Forever Hand in hand

And now I sit here, just alone with my guitar
My rough draft in my hands, written for the scar
That still is across my heart, across my soul today
The feeling, though, love for you, never goes away
Won’t go away… never away… never away… never away

My rough draft all alone tonight
Another warm April night
To dream of you, what I won’t have
A song sang for what we once had

I stare at the sky, at the far away stars
Still imagining you, wondering where you are
I think of you, do you think of me?
Time to move on, time to be free
Time for us to never be… alone.

-Shane Seagle

It's always about a girl isn't it?

This is my longest poem/song ever. A whopping 4 pages... I couldn't stop writing though. I

haven't edited any of it yet, cause it's almost 12:30 and I'm starting to get tired...

First time I actually wrote directly accross about everything. Instead of writing about

individual feelings, this is the story from beginning to end. My story, our story...

I am already working on music for this as well, it is definately a slower song... and

obviously a long one. A very long one smile.gif

There is no real chorus in this song, though many of the lines have the same basic setup.

The gears shift back and forth throughout the song though. And I haven't done enough editing

to fit it better to music, though I can't really do anything with my electric guitar (or

piano) at this hour... wake everyone up smile.gif

I was reluctant to post this one, it is very dear to my heart and personal to me. But I

decided why not in the end.

I can't wait till tomorrow to get working on this song. I want to plot out every individual

chord and all the picking. I think that playing with it on the piano may be a good idea at

first too though. But we'll see what tomorrow brings!


Public - 2:33 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Today... too tired and lazy to write now... plus I cant think anyways. I feel like poetry,

so I will do that instead :) I need to finish my songs too...

On Fire-Switchfoot. I love that song...

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

Today was monday, I kept thinking that I had to go to school for some odd reason,

thankfully, I didn't.

Woke up and tried to get a hold of my grandparents so I could go over their to work, but

they weren't answering the phone. So Kara and Kimball called me and we decided to plan

something. Took a little while to decide, but we ended up going to Wendy's for lunch and

then went to the park to hang out. So we went. Not a ton to say, we just ate and talked the

whole way, which was fun. It was the last time I got to see Jessie though... . Over the past

two days I have spent around 22 hours with her and Kara just doing stuff and having fun. It

was great to be able to have a blast this spring break with my friends.

I had to leave at two to babysit my little Bro, so I left to go do that while they went to

the mall. Around 3, I went to Target with John and Sean and John bought Switchfoot and

Yellowcard. Then I came home and watched my little Bro while working on the webpage... gall

I have been working quite hard on that over the past few days. David, its time to pitch in a


Talked to Kimball later that night, as well as Kara, though I think that the conversation

with Kimball was really helpful. He has made his decision, now it is my time to choose what

I want to do... It is definately not an easy one, and I really need to talk to Kara because

I promised Kimball that I would before I did anything, hopefully I will be able to


Gall, teenage drama, everything has to be wrong somehow. I swear, each indivitual teenager

has some sort of problem they have either created, or feel is a problem, to have to deal

with. I am not accusing anyone, I just read this thing on the megatokyo forums that made me

think a little... All teenagers have problems, be it with their friends, parents, siblings,

relatives, girl/boyfriends, teachers, mothers's grandma's aunt's son's great uncle's

father's brother's lawyer's hampster, whatever. We all have problems, and all we can do is

try to help each other through them.

Here is hoping that tomorrow will be a good day, and things will get done and some problems

will be solved...


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Monday, April 12, 2004

Here is one to cover the last two days, cause I didn't really feel much like writing

yesterday night. But here is Easter Saturday, and Easter Sunday:

Easter Saturday: My blades didn't make it in time, but thats alright. They should be here by

the 15th. My mom gave me some good stuff for easter. I got some candy and stuff, as well as

this sweet necklace. I only really own three now. But after that, we went to my grandma's. I

got to do my favorite thing in the world, be a Pyro Got like twenty matches to play with and

started a fire in the back yard so we could cook hot dogs and marshmallows. My uncle decided

that he had to join in too, so we both built the fire (I inhereted my pyro skills from him).

I love fire, its just awesome . I remember over at Kara's on Thursday when she had to take

the lighter away from me... probably a wise move .

After my grandma's, came home and hung out, played with trying to get some

things working. Then at 7, went to Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King with Kara,

Jessie, and Kimball. Came home from that, and talked online with Jordan till about 12:30.

Easter Sunday: Not too eventful, went to church, came home from church, wrote my essay,

talked to Jessie, talked to Kara, talked to Kimball, Talked to Jessie again, talked to Kara

again. That was pretty much the whole day right there. I don't think I can launch into

detail too much, simply because I am about to fall asleep... *yawn* so goodnight, tomorrow

should be fun hopefully!

-Shane *yawn*

Saturday, April 10, 2004

Today, today, today... it was an absolute blast. Woke up at like 9 (after getting to bed at

like 2 or so in the morning after watching School of Rock). Then Kara and Jessie called and

told me to get reasdy and we planned out what time we were going to go to the mall. So at

about quarter to ten, they came to pick me up to head to the mall. We stopped by Granite

furniture first, then headed to the mall. We basically started at one end of the mall and

basically worked our way to the other end. I can't even count the number of stores we went

in. Though, I went with two teenage girls, if that gives you any idea . Our main goal was to

find Jessie a dress for Formal, so we went to this store so Jessie could find a dress. And

of course, Kara had to try some on too . So they tried them on and stuff, and no luck for

Jessie. Kara on the otherhand, who didn't need a dress for anything, found one . It looked

great on her, but of course, it was a whopping $180. Dang, thats like more then my Amp was .

Of course, we didn't have a camera (there were a few moments on that trip where I wish we

had a camera).

We went through a bunch of other stores, and Kara found a ton of stuff all over... Gall she

got more then everyone else by far I don't even know if Jessie got anything (other then the

swimsuit for her B-Day at Hot Topic). But Kara got shoes, shoelaces (from Hot Topic, lol

what an awesome store), a CD case (from Walmart, but more on that down lower), and of course

her glasses. We can call those her 'intelligent glasses' which can be referred to for most

of the evening. While they looked good on her, and both Jessie B. and Jessie J., they didn't

look good on Kimball and I . Yeah, I think that we were all on some kinda natural high or

something.... Anyways, we traveled through the rest of the mall hitting stores as we went.

Saw a bunch of people including Martina, David, Brad, A kid from my Guitar Class, and a

teacher at our school who teaches english, is pregnent, and has red hair and I cant think of

her name for the death of me... who the heck is it kara? And by the end of our tons of

walking through the mall, Kara's 'awesome pink shoes' had started wearing away the back of

her ankle, so she was gracefully limping throughout the mall .

Anyways, I ended up getting another wristband and a lanyard (a mushroom wristband and a 1up

mushroom lanyard ). Then we went to Wal-Mart.

At Wal-Mart, we tried to let Kara ride inside the cart so she wouldn't have to walk (that,

and it was fun). A little into the store, we ended up being asked to have her get out

because apparently she was a 'safety hazard' gall, some people are just no fun .

Went back and looked at music and stuff while Kara's mom and her sister, Julie, were

shopping around Wal-Mart. After a while, we were all about dead, so we were going to leave

Wal-Mart. We checked out and Julie had lost her keys.... So we ended up trying to find them,

then Kara asked an employee if she had seen them. And it turns out, they had been turned in

to Customer Service.

So we left Wal-Mart and headed toward's Kara's. Hung out there for a while while trying to

get a hold of everyone for bowling. We left to go bowling at about 7:30 or so. Kimball and I

shot pool while we waited for Jessie J to come. Then she came, we finished our game, and got

a lane. Just played and joked around like we normally do. Flipping off the pins wasn't too

effective tonight, we found that the luck came from Kara's 'intelligent glasses'. So

Kimball, Jessie J, and I all wore them when it was our turn to bowl. Kimball and I of course

looked like queers (him more then me apparently, I question if that is a complement or an

insult). Kimball won this one, and Kara beat me, making me in 3rd (too low for me...). The

highlite of the evening though, was when Jessie J. made the ball fly backwards towards us

instead of the lane... whoopse that was hilarious, you made my night Jessie .

After bowling, Kimball and I shot some more pool, I barely won this time. Then Kara was

beating everyone at Air Hockey. I swear, she was killing us all. It was both sad and funny

at the same time. We all lost to her, then Kimball beat her, so of course, I had to beat

Kimball . Beat Kimball, and we waited for Kara's mom (to whom I am extremely greatful for

everything she did for us today, make sure she knows that Kara
). She got there, and we all went home.

And now I'm just writing this online while I think that I really want to write something,

not sure what yet. But I will be writing tonight I am almost sure. I am totally in the

writing mood. Which is always kick A, cause it isn't common for me to be in these moods all

the time. I have had MAJOR artist's block... it's driving me crazy. And my throat is all

scratchy, so singing isn't fun either. But I can still play my baby . And I ordered my

blades (Soul 3k's) a few days ago, hopefully they will come soon. Gall, I'm spoiled

sometimes I appreciate it all though. And I will appreciate it even more when I pay off my

debt's... No money for a while, it is definately going to be some tight budgeting... I need

to get ebaying quite soon.

Well, today was awesome, 'nuff said. Time to get writing, I will post it if I feel like it.


Public - 2:32 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Friday, April 09, 2004

Today I didn't end up waking up till noon... so wasted a lot of the day. I will not be doing

that again hopefully. Cleaned my room and the kitchen for the first half of the day, took me

quite a while to get it all done... Then around 4 or so Kara called me and told me Jessie

was there. So I played my guitar and stuff till she called again to say when they were

leaving for Sonic to go eat. I played my guitar and stuff while I waited and Sean and John

stopped by. Talked to them for a bit but couldn't do anything cause I was headed to Sonic.

No matter, I will see them enough during the rest of the break anyways. Walked to Sonic a

little after 5 and waited. Then I decided to just order my food. Kara and Jessie came about

ten min later, and my food still hadn't come... stupid Sonic people. And then they 'forgot

my coupon' so I had to pay full price, which was a load of *ahem*. Anyways, it was AWESOME

to finally get to see Jessie. Kara and I have been waiting forever to see her. We talked and

joked around at Sonic, Kara danced with a paper bag, we shot each other with ice, ect. lol,

that was fun. And then we went back to Kara's house after we got done eating. That was a

blast too. We talked and hung out, and Jessie gave me my Duct Tape wallet and CD's (YAY!

YOUR THE BEST JESSIE!). Then we just talked and hung out while listening to music and stuff.

Then we laughed over all these pictures of them that we looked at. It was hilarious to see

both of them, especially when they were younger. Then they tried, with no success, to try to

get me to wear makeup. Sorry, I doubt that is going to happen guys . Nothing that you can

give me to make me do it, at least nothing good I can think of . Came home around ten or so,

then basically just hanging out right now. I think I may go watch School of Rock right now.

Ah, the memories of that movie...(wink wink )


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Thursday, April 08, 2004

Sweet Memory-

October winds blow through the air

Love blows by without a care

A ghost to those who don’t know it’s there

Thoughts of you, are always there

Can’t live without you,

Can’t breathe without you

I need you in my life.

You with me,

Sweet memory

For us to always share.

Is it easier to leave you be?

Leave you now, with the memories.

Abandon thought of you to be

Truly, honestly, sincerely free

Impossible for me to leave

The hole in my heart would bleed

Could not close the door between

Your life which intertwines with mine.

Can’t live without you,

Can’t breathe without you

I need you in my life.

You with me,

Sweet memory

For us to always share.

It is truly over now

Bullet shells fall,

Leave me bleeding on the ground

Tears in my eyes streak down my face

And slowly drip down to hollow grounds

Can’t live without you,

Can’t breathe without you

I need you in my life.

You with me,

Sweet memory

For us to always share.

You emerge from the dark

No shadow in your light

Take me from this fallen state

To be able to look into your bright

Hazel green and loving eyes.

And feel your gentle touch again

One last look before I die

Is enough to get me through.

Can’t live without you,

Can’t breathe without you

I need you in my life.

You with me,

Sweet memory,

You and me,

Will always be,

You with me,

Sweet memory,

For us to always share.

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The sorrow of my heart aches on

And eats away my soul

For all to see, for all to hear

For everyone to know

I can’t believe the world we’ve seen

The hell that we’ve been through

Just to spend another day

Trying to be with you

Alone again

Walking through the fog

Just looking ahead

Though the tears blind your eyes

Looking to the skies

Tightly clutching my chest

As my heart slowly dies

And I fall

Awake again from your dream

Of life, of lies, of misery

Black heart of sorrow

Has taken your mind

Alive, but cannot breathe

Alone again

Walking through the fog

Just looking ahead

Though the tears blind your eyes

Looking to the skies

Tightly clutching my chest

As my heart slowly dies

And I fall

No real world of happiness,

No room to move on

The need for her

No need for you

The end now, has come…

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Today was a long and short day at the same time. Another B day. I woke up late and rushed to

school to try to meet Kara on time... turns out she was there on time... whoopse... sorry

I went to part of first period and then left to go to my Yearbook Workshop. That was quite

long... three whopping periods and it wasnt too exciting... Learned a little though and made

it back for the last period. Missed lunch so I ate two oranges I saved the day before

(luckily). Went to guitar and decided to take my baby (my electric guitar) for the last jam

session in that class. I have already signed up for the next one, so it really isn't the end

for me thank goodness.

Got home and called Kara. Talked for a little bit while I cleaned my room and unloaded

dishes in the kitchen. My legs had been aching all day, but that was the end point so I

decided to just lay on my bed and talk. After I talked to Kara, I talked online with Jessie

(SHE COMES TOMORROW!). I was quite depressed tonight, so sorry about that Jessie. I had a

bit on my mind that I was trying to sort out. I was really trying to hold back because I

didn't want her or Kara to worry about it. Kara stayed persistent though, which I really

appreciate now. Thanks for that Kara, it was another rollercoaster... but hopefully we got

some things sorted out. Everything happens for a reason, right?

Plan for tomorrow is to hang out with Jessie and Kara when Jessie comes down (around three)

which hopefully will happen. We have only been planning this forever .

I won't be going to bed for quite a while tonight, I want to watch X-Men and I still am

going to play around with those songs to figure out the kind of sound I want out of both of

them. Hopefully I can do that tonight too.


Wednesday, April 07, 2004

Tuesday, ironically enough, half way through the week :).

It was an A day, I was late to Jennings (like usual, whether I got marked tardy or not is

beyond me). After health, I ran into Kara and Jessie. Got some papers from Kara to read and

that was extremely helpful. Almost everything slowly fit together somehow and all made more

sence. There is still a little that I'm not sure of, but all I can do is keep going forward

with it. Math test was surprisingly somewhat simple, so I was able to read the papers around

ten times. Then went to english and read them even more. So of course, I gave them back at

the end of the day like I was supposed to.

Then there was a big group of people in the auditorium, turns out they were getting

Hepatitus A shots... no fun. At the mention of the word 'shot' or 'needle', Kara like

shuddered. It was hilarious. So we all went outside and there were TONS of cars comming to

get this shot... It was like weird. There were tons of people running to get it.

Anyways... went home, cleaned my room, and talked to Kimball asking him question after

question to try to understand him... gall I sucked the poor kid dry. Sometimes I question

how much he really understands though... if he really knows what it all means. Not many of

my friend really do, infact I can think of only one...

Had to take care of some trouble on the forum. Dave thought I was sabotaging him... so he

kinda freaked out and banned me and Sorrow... whoopse... I told him what was really up so he

let me back in It's going alright, traffic slowly comming.

Talked more to Kara & Jessie, then I went to mutual, where my stomach was all cramped up the

entire time... not fun. And it was personal fitness too... not a good mix. On top of that, I

have a cough and am losing my voice (and I found out I cant sing well even in the shower

with a cough... just doesnt work )

After mutual, came home and ate and talked to Kara more online. Then I called Jordan (I

missed her birthday... I was two days late becaues I thought it was the 6th instead of the

4th...whoopse). We talked for a little about a little bit of everything. Then I called Kara

and talked to her for about an hour. Gall, I'm so glad to have a friend like her in my life,

she's awesome

Jessie comes on Thursday, the plan is hopefully that I go to Kara's about an hour before

Jessie comes so I can be there before she gets there, and so Kara and I can just sit and

talk for a little. One thing we don't really get to do too often. Tomorrow I have yearbook

meetings all day, cept for last period. So thats a nice way to end the week and start spring

break :)

By the way Kara, we need to work on the song for OUR band ;) I can't even remember the cool

name for the song that you came up with... lol Its imdnight and I am too tired to try.


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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

Monday... but thankfully, its only a 3 day week and on Wednesday, I only have to go to one

class because I get out to go to this yearbook workshop thing. Started out the day with Kara

ditching me, apparently 'slept in' (jk, I know you really did). Then we got this spiffy

little notice for the Luau dance thingy, which is later this month. Should be fun, it's a

night dance so much better then most school dances, and its 8th AND 9th, meaning that my

friends will be there

Barely made it to Moon's class on time (as usual) and we had demonstrations and movies for

the majority of the time today. Daylight savings was killing me. I was quite tired from

losing my precious hour.... gall I barely get enough sleep as it is, so why take another one


Finished the day. Everyone was looking for Kara afterschool, thinking that she had run off

with someone *cough*. I didn't see her so I thought she got checked out (I was right) while

everyone else was trying to find her. Then of course, you have Marriah on her little

warpath, gall there are some problems there...

After school, went to my grandparents and mowed the lawn. Then came home and worked on for the majority of the evening. It's getting slowly closer to completion,

hopefully soon... we have about 13 members so far is all, and so I won't be inviting more

till around 20 after we have the board running smoothly.

Then we all went out for treats for family night. I got a Strawberry Creme Pie shake at

Sonic. 3 days till Jessie comes! That should be fun. FINALLY IT'S ALMOST SPRING BREAK!

Gall, I realized I haven't played my guitar once today... so sad *sniff*. My baby needs to

be played... hmm its like 11... maybe I could play really quietly .


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Monday, April 05, 2004

Today was on the list for "another good day". Started off watching General Conference (and

playing my guitar every chance I could, like during the songs between conference). Thats

basically what I did all day long. Then after conference I talked to Kara for most of the

night and printed off about 50 pages of Tab's (guitar tabliture, music basically). I got all

the great songs, Punk Rock Princess, Seasons, Hello, I got them all. I dont know how many

songs I found, only about a million. I worked a little on PC#2 as well, just to try to get

windows XP on it. Talked to Kara some more (I swear we have talked more in the past two days

then possibly the last two weeks). And then I worked on Solar Online Community (great

webpage David and I have started) I added a ton of different Subjects and Forums to the

page, hopefully it will be ready to start bringing in the traffic by the end of the week.

It's a great place to talk with tons of people about whatever you want. Music, movies, art,

whatever. It's all on there. And if it isn't on there, tell me and I most likely will add it


The address is Simply register, and then you should be ready to go.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Keep in mind that apart from a few friends, we

havent started adveritising and bringing in the traffic. Soon we hope it will be a quite the

online community, so please help us out if you could .

Hopefully tomorrow will be a good day... it's a Monday... so who knows. It's also a B day

though so that's good news somewhat. I gotta go though, cause i need to get up early

tomorrow if I go running. Then I want to get to school by 8, which I hopefully will be able

to do.


Public - 12:55 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Sunday, April 04, 2004

Today was awesome. One of the best days I have had in quite a while. I woke up and watched

conference for the first part of the day. Talked to Kara a little online too, till I had to

get off and watch conference some more. Then I turned on conference and worked on my 2nd

computer. It's been December since it worked, and I hadn't tried to fix it in a while.

Finally, today was the day that I got it to work It took a while, but now it is finally up

and running . Meaning, now I have two computers in my room, and one is by my bed (So I can

listen to music, chat, ect, from my bed ).

I was pretty pleased with that, when it got even better. My mom took me to go buy my

Electric Guitar. And oh yes, we bought it. Finally I got my Peavey Raptor and then I got

this really nice Roland amp (I think its a Micro Cube, VERY nice amp, I love it). Which is

totally awesome to finally have my guitar. I bought this stand for it too so now it sits in

my room looking pretty when I'm not playing it. I played around with that for a little, then

I went to the Priesthood Session of General Conference. Got home, and played with the guitar

a little (not as much as I would have liked). Then Kara and I tried once again to figure out

how we were going to hang out tonight. There was no movie at the Theature because of the

stupid commedy show every saturday night at 9... So that didn't work. And I couldn't go to

her house because her parents wern't home, meaning that over my parent's dead body could I

go over there. No luck thinking of somewhere where we could go to just talk... So I decided

to just call her.

We talked for about an hour and a half about various random subjects, which was a blast. It

was great to be able to talk to her tonight, even though we didn't get to go see each other

(and how badly I wished I could have been over at her house). Then my dad finally made me

get off around 11 ish.

Gall, I really lucked out today, the only thing that I'm missing is going to the Something

Corporate concert, which is tomorrow... I really wanted to go to that, but getting my guitar

today DEFINATELY softens the blow there will always be another concert hopefully.

Well, I'm off to go play some more, its 12:15 so I have to wear ear phones if I play, unless

I decide to wake everyone up .


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Saturday, April 03, 2004

Past two days have been... I dont know. Something is wrong and I can't pinpoint it. There

are a few little things that have been taxing my mind lately, but there is something I can't

for the death of me figure out.

Thursday was somewhat dissappointing. I woke up and had an orthodontist appointment. Then I

came home and cleaned when I was supposed to go guitar searching. Then I went to guitar

(nice little break) and went straight to Brian Mcfadyens to help him move. I was there till

around 9-9:30 unpacking with most of the Young Men. I'm going to miss Brain. My dad is the

new Young Men's president, so that should be fun. Finished up the evening watching Matrix

Reloaded (which I really enjoyed, finally I have seen 2/3 of the Matrix series, which is


Busy day today, Friday:

Woke up at like 6:30 and showered. Then I had a yearbook meeting at 7:30. Went to that, then

went to my writer's conference. That was a fun way to get out of two periods. First speaker

was booring, so I drew pictures and stuff when I should have been taking notes. I drew

really poorly today... I'm like ashamed of the suckyness of my work. Though, I did badly at

drawing people today, I drew some awesome hampsters. Somewhat of an inside joke with Brent,

but the joke is that to get something you always need to know someone who knows someone's

mother's, boyfriend's, publisher's, grandma's boyfriend's, daughter's, stockbroker's

hampster. So I drew a l33t little picture of a hampster looking for his long lost family.

Yeah, when I draw fuzzy animals, I am either on drugs, or I am seriously messed up that day.

Most likely one of my "Dead" days where everything is screwed up somehow and I am always

off, like I am dead . Oh well, I had my fuzzy hampster friends to help me.

The rest of the day was... long. I almost died during Geometry. I kept staring out the

window and thinking with my eyes half closed. I could not focus for the death of me. It was

terrible. I barely made it though today. Finished off the day walking with everyone like I

normally do, though I was even depressed for that. I have way too much on my mind, I gotta

unload or something. No use trying to write a poem, though I really wish I could. Next best

thing is music or art. Can't do music since its too late and everyones asleep, so the next

best thing is art. So right now I'm drawing pictures of Squ34k the Hampster holding various

signs. Feel free to check them out whenever I feel like posting them I will let everyone


Well, i'm getting off track a bit. After school, Kara, Katy and Jessie went to Jessie's

house. I couldn't go because my mom was picking me up and it was too late to call her and

let her know what was going on. I got in the car and took comfort in remembering that I was

going guitar searching. That was a blast, I think I found a guitar I like ($220 Peavey

Raptor) along with an awesome amp ($120 amp... but I love it). After I went guitar searching

I worked out deals with my parents. Hopefully I will be able to get it soon (possibly even

tomorrow if I get REALLY lucky). Came home and tried to figure out if everyone could go to a

movie. Well that fell through so Kara invited me to go over to her place with her and Katy.

I tried to negociate that with my mom (my dad had the car). She came up with any reason why

I couldn't go. I shot as many down as I could (stuff like "its dark out I don't want you

walking"). Then she asked me if her parents were going to be home. I didn't say anything and

she knew that they wern't. It's like a mother's sence. So she called my dad to ask him so

she could end the argument. And so yeah... with that phone call to my dad, the conversation

was pretty much over.

So I called Kara and tried to figure out what we were going to do. Katy and Kara seemed like

they were having fun. Katy was exploring Kara's house (and apparently attacking her with

various knives). So I talked on the phone with them for about a good hour or so. Plans for

any hopes of getting out of the house fell through. And then we thought about tomorrow, but

of course, I have General Priesthood Meeting. So that's not a possibility either. Maybe I

could go to a 9:00 show or something... depending on when it gets out. Who knows, I hope

something fun will happen. I need a break from life quite desperately... I have got to

figure all of this crap out before it consumes me...


Wednesday, March 31, 2004

Wednesday, another A day... gall I hope this year speeds up a bit.

First period was great. Justin did this great impression of a man from India for like 45

minutes. It was hilarious. I swear, we need to record it and put it on the interenet or

something. It's so freaking funny. Best part of the day.

Trudged through the rest of the day. Then got home and talked online for a little bit. Went

to guitar, then went to Davids and started watching The Matrix (for the first time ever!).

Got about half way through it and then I ate dinner over there. Came home (they let me

borrow it as well as Reloaded, which I will be finishing The Matrix tonight) and talked

online some more, and now I am headed to get in the shower. Skipping out tomorrow to go to

the orthodontist and go guitar shopping (yay for guitar shopping!) so that should be fun.


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I don't want to write a ton tonight, cause I need to still get in the shower and I want to

finish X-Men 2 before it gets too late.

Monday: Typical Monday at school. Came home from school and went to my grandparents to work.

Came home at about 5:30 and played guitar for a while. Then we went out for shakes for

family night. I wasn't in the best mood for some reason, I still don't know why. Just one of

those days I guess, you know?

Tuesday: Woke up late, and I was late to History... gall how many tardies do I have this

semester already? Then went to science, which I was also late to... two tardies in one day,

both so close to the bell it's not even funny. Maybe I will catch a break . By the way, nice

pink feathery thing today Kara

My mother decided to be extremely nice, so she checked me out at lunch and we went to Provo

where we originally planned to go to the mall and then go electric guitar shopping (Shooting

for a Fender, probably a Stratocastor or Telecaster, not sure which exact model, but we will

see what I can find). But we ended up in the mall (after I swung by media play to check for

megatokyo and the new Yellowcard Cd, which actually doesn't come out till APRIL 30...). At

the mall, we spent most of our time at Anchor Blue, and kinda missed guitar shopping. No

problem though, I got a ton of good stuff at Anchor Blue. We are going guitar shopping on

Thursday, I am skipping out on school that day because I have an orthodontist appointment,

and so we figured, why go back .

Finished off the rest of the night online and playing the guitar. Read up on some more

hacking stuff a little. Then I did a sketch (turned out quite good, I am fixing my scanner

as we speak so hopefully I can upload my stuff). Finished off the night downstairs with my

family (while everyone else was watching Arthur, I decided to borrow my dad's portable DVD

player and watch X-Men 2 ). And now, I need to get in the shower and then finish watching

X-Men. Hopefully I will get to bed at a decent hour tomorrow is the only 'real' day of

school tomorrow for me, and next week is spring break. Thursday I get off, and Friday I have

meetings. Hopefully, I will get to go to David C.'s tomorrow and watch The Matrix (never

seen it before, we are watching both The Matrix and Matrix Reloaded hopefully tomorrow). I

really want to do something with my friends this weekend... though I doubt that will be able

to happen. My parents are going out on Friday (my usual night out) so I get to watch the

kids... maybe everyone can come over and 'help' me watch the kids lol, I doubt that one

would fly by my parents. Saturday is my only other alternative, which can also be a problem.


CAN'T IT BE ANY OTHER DAY!). I better get some blessings out of conference, cause I am

missing the Something Corporate concert Maybe I will be blessed with being able to go see

that concert in another state (that was a joke for those of you who thought I was serious).

If anyone comes up with a GOOD idea (keyword being 'good') of how I can go to a freaking

SoCo/Yellowcard concert... I don't care where it is... I will worship the ground they stand

on and the oxygen they exhale and go "O, master... your da l33t m45t3r..."

-Shane (Who is missing the Something Corporate/Yellowcard concert... *sniff*, and after the

"da l33t m45t3r" comment, apparently on drugs)

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Monday, March 29, 2004

Tired tonight, I will write tomorrow

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Sunday, March 28, 2004

Alright, I skipped out on Saturday but I don't remember why. I have some good reason... but

who knows what it was. Oh yeah, I got home late and decided to watch a movie... it all comes

back to me. Read below for details

Saturday: Woke up at like 9:40, when I found out that Chelsey was comming at like 10:00 with

doughnuts. So I rushed out of bed, cleaned up my room and got ready. As promised, she

brought doughnuts and then went out to go look at houses. They found one they think they

will like and hopefully will move in there . It will be nice to have Chelsey and Matt

around, I don't get to see them too much.

Had to go do scouting for food, which I went out and did. It didn't take too long. Then came

home and cleaned the basement for a little while. I have hopes for my room again...

hopefully I will be able to get it done soon. Then we went to the mall, ate some chinese

food (finally restocked my chop-stick supply). Then I went to Media Play to find my

Yellowcard CD, with no success. Though I checked out some Electric Guitars (They only had

Epiphone and Silvertone though, so not the best selection though both are good companies).

Then I also tried Circuit City with no success. Got home, and watched Runaway Jury (dang

good movie) till like one in the morning and downed a bag of Sweedish Fish and a few


Sunday: Woke up at like 10:30 and went to Fast Offerings. Then went to church and did two

sucky sketches. Went to my grandparents. Then came home, played guitar, talked online, wrote

in this. And hopefully, I will watch a movie or something tonight. Who knows. My cracker is

finally on 8 digits for those of you who it concerns


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Saturday, March 27, 2004

Today was just... wow. I don't even know.

Started off as another B day, I tried to skip out on school because I was tired, with no

success. So I went to school. Lifted weights instead of running because it was raining

outside (yay!). Then came home from school and worked on homework. Then at seven, Kara,

Jessie, Katy, Kimball and I went Bowling and played Pool. It was fun, Kimball and I played a

game of Pool (which of course, he had to show me how to do everything cause I haven't played

in all of three years ). Then we finally got a lane. Jessie had only been bowling once so it

was so funny to watch her bowl. She like walked up and then swung her arm back to bowl it.

It was one of those "have to be there to appreciate it" kinda things. But those of you who

were there know what I'm talking about . Then we decided that flipping off the pins helps

them fall down, which helped a few people get strikes. *ahem* anyways, it was a fun night.

We played two games, I won the second one, Kimball won the first. Then we played another

game of pool and played 'keep away' with Kimballs hat. Went outsite, where Kara was freezing

with two jackets on . But all together it was a fun night.

Got home and talked online with everyone. I had the most productive conversation with

Kimball I have ever had. It was really intersting to see how he felt. We really can relate

in a few ascpects as far as our problems go, which is comforting to know that I'm not the

only one. Everyone was depressed, old emotions rose from everyone again. And everyone was

confused with everything. There are times when it seems that no one can be happy because

everyones problems come from everyone else. But it's good to know that there is someone out

there willing to help you. We all got to stick together for each other. Nothing else we can

really do... because it's not really a solvable problem and if there is some miraculous

cure, that would be amazing. Though life isn't as simple as that. Finding happiness now is a

lie, you can't pretend to be happy and blow off the reality of your own epic drama. Yes

Jessie, that evil word again 'drama' . This year has been so hectic, though it has been a

blast and worth all the hell I've been through. I can't imagine what next year will be

like... but I am looking forward to it regardless.


Saturday, March 27, 2004

A ton of mixed emotions on this one from a ton of different events and things. I don't know

how much sense it makes, just thoughts of mine written down. If it doesn't make sense to you

I am sorry. This is more of a personal exploration to try to find my problems other then

expressing one strong emotion. Thanks. No title for this one, I couldn't think of one.

I can’t imagine you alone

Eyes glisten in the dark

A tear runs down you cheek

A silent stream that’s cold

I can’t imagine your life

Or compare it to my own

Useless to try or think

Because thinking gets me nowhere

Walking alone through the darkness

A rose within the dark

Every step harder then the last

Until she falls again

Racing through the dark

Through this morbid dream

Reach out for her hand

As it fades away

Holding her in your arms again

She slowly fades away

Dying there, next to your heart

In your arms she quietly lay

You hold her close

Her hands are cold

You remember her gentle touch

No longer will you receive

Alone in your dream

To never escape

The path laid down for you

Your soul cannot escape

Life alone

It slips away

Tomorrow is another yesterday

That fades away…


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Thursday, March 25, 2004

Alright everyone, this is to cover the last two days. I could have written last night, but I

decided that getting to bed would be a better idea, in hopes that I could get up earlier. No

luck there... but oh well. without further adeu (spelling?), the past two days.

Thursday was another B day. We went bowling for PE which was fun. I ended up playing Skyler,

Kelly, and Jared. I lost to Skyler by one point in one of the games we played, and ended up

hyperextending my right leg and damaging my finger. Bowling is dangerous, but its a blast

Anyway, I finished off the day and had about a billion things to do. Had a doctor's

appointment, and then picked up Sean a birthday present (happy sw33t 16 Sean!). Went to

guitar, then when that was over, my mom forgot about me so I had to call her after waiting

for about twenty min Whoopse, oh well.

Went to Seans and hung out with Jared, Sean and John. We ate Artichoke's and Lamb for dinner

(interesting meal). Then I went to Gamestop with John, then we headed back to his place and

played MTG till like 9. Then I had to go do Dishes (one of my most hated jobs...) Then I

went online and wasn't too kind to Kara and I didn't really talk to Jessie because I wanted

to get some things done and I had other stuff on my mind. So sorry for being rude guys, and

thanks for cheering me up Kara. And thanks for talking to me Jessie, that helped too

Woke up late, again. Went to school and barely made it to class on time. Sat in Tech Crew

learning things I already knew, and sitting in the auditorium for the rest of the time. Did

a few sketches throughout the day, and then came home. Ran in to get groceries at the store

and then picked up my little sister and have waisted time on the computer ever since. Cain

and Able is still running to crack the PWL file that has been going for like 24 hours almost

(for those of you who know what I am talking about...). Finished up the night doing homework

(yuck). Then Bethany called me (YAY!) so I talked to her for a little over an hour, which

was great. Just the lift I needed. Thanks Beth, you made my day .

Then we all get back to the harsh reality of life... As soon as the conversation with her

ended, my life caught up with me again. Things change so freaking quicky over the week.

Comparing last week to this one, there are a ton of differences. If I survive tomorrow...

then I am in the blue for one issue. Hopefully I can get past the rest as well. There's no

way I can hide from life anymore, time to stand and fight.

Thanks to the friends who have been there to help me up during the hard times, or just be

there to talk to when I'm feeling down. Friends like that are unreplacable. You wouldn't

even realize the impact of a simple phone call to a friend can change their day.

The moral of the evening, call Shane


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Wednesday, March 24, 2004

Tuesday. Woke up to an 'A' day. No one was too happy today. Gall I swear, everyone has some

problem that they cant figure out . I wish I could help, but there is only so much I can do.

As far as my own problems, I decided to ignore them and move on with life. One of the best

decisions I have made in a long time. If there is something I can barely describe how I

feel, I simply change my outlook on everything or bury myself in some other activity. This

probably will end up biting me in the butt later, but I was sick and tired of dealing with

my problems. I don't know if this is 'running from my problems' exactly, but there is a

point when you need to realize there is nothing you can do and move on. I still have my

incurable 'care too much' epidemic that I can't get rid of... but most of you don't need to

worry about that one Those of you who do know what I'm talking about.

Still though, after the day goes by and I wear the mask of life. Nights consume me. All I

can do is dream of memories and think about my problems. Dreams are the one thing you can't

escape from... no matter how hard you try.

Though, I keep having this awesome dream about trying to get tickets to Denver and the

Something Corporate Concert. I serioulsy need to make a comic about it because its great .

I keep having another dream too... somewhat disturbing (to myself, I doubt it would be to

others). I don't know if I will put it here till I figure it out. I like have this need for

something. And a fear of being alone... gall, it all floods back to me now. Makes sence


Anyways, enough with my problems that I can't sort out. The rest of the day played out

normally. Played 'Folf' in Health (frisbee golf). But that was the basic outlook to my

school day. Other then English, I made this sw33t deal with Mrs. Phillips that if I talk out

of turn or something, I do ten pushups. It's great, not really a punishment. Just a nice

workout at the end of class .

Came home and played THPS:3 (Tony Hawk) while my sister worked on her report (using my

PC...). Did another sketch (yay!). Gall, I really need to update. I have improved a little,

though I have a bunch of crap sketches I just made trying new things. I need to update real

badly... but I also need to make something better then Xanga (What will it take for you to

help me Blake/David ?) Using Blake's revolutionary PHP scripting thingy that he wrote would

be awesome. Now, what would I need to do to use that?

Well, its 11:07 and I am STILL online... *sigh* goal tomorrow is to get to bed by 10:30 so I

can actually get up in the morning. Scanner is being screwy so I can't scan my awesome



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Monday, March 22, 2004

Another Sunday. I woke up earlier because my parents had an interview with the bishop and

had to watch my little brother. So I played Tony Hawk and Smash Bros with him while my

parents were gone. Then I got ready for church and went. My young mens president Brian

Mcfadyen (great guy) will be moving in a few weeks So there goes another great young mens

president. Its going to be different without him, its too bad we couldn't keep him .

Sketched through most of church (because I tend to be able to listen better while doing

something else, like free sketching ). Then came home and talked online like I normally do.

I had an interesting conversation with Jessie about multiple piercings and why the church

advised against it. I never really questioned it because first of all, I never had an

interest in getting my ears pierced, and with the Holy Ghost I knew that it was right not to

get multiple piercings (or any for the guys). So it was a little difficult to try to explain

to her why LDS people didn't get multiple piercings and how our bodies are temples, ect.

It's totally different to look at the logic and question all things that the church teaches

you, instead of having that feeling in your heart that you know what is right and what is

wrong. Being a missionary is going to be interesting because I will be doing that daily. I

am looking forward to my mission and hope that I will be able to make an impact on the

people wherever I end up going (hopefully Japan ). I don't believe that anyone would look

down on someone else because they have multiple piercings or think that they are being evil

people or something stupid like that. Many of my friends (both LDS and otherwise) have

multiple piercings and I don't think of them any different then I do my other friends. I

don't look down upon them and think "They have multiple piercings, they aren't following the

commandments". Kinda like people who smoke, it doesn't make them bad people or any less

loved in the eyes of Heavenly Father, they are still good people.

I'm really not trying to get on you Jessie, I still love ya to death and respect your

opinion and the choices you make. Don't you dare think I don't like you or anything because

what you do is your own business. Thats just how I feel and what I believe. And thank you

for asking me something like that, gave me a much needed reminder on what things are like

without the influence of the Holy Ghost. Kinda made me sad to think that there are people

out there who are living without the influence of the Holy Ghost in their lives... but also

gave me a reminder about how things will be on my mission.

We talked about other random stuff as well, and Jessie was looking through Formal dresses

and showing Kara (I only saw one, which would be awesome if you were able to get it Jessie).

And we talked about how she doesn't like chicken, rice or ketchup (three of my favorite

things on earth) and how crazy she is. Joked around some more until I went to go to dinner.

(17 days Jessie!).

After dinner, I had a Stake Priesthood Meeting which was really good. I was able to convince

Mitch and Skyler to come, a very good thing. I finished up my previous sketch that I started

during church and finished a second one while it was going on. My dad ended up speaking so I

got to listen to him as well.

Came home, took a shower, and read everyone else's weblogs (good job on the updates guys )

and now I am going to wrap this up because for the first time in a long time, I plan on

going to bed around 10:30 *gasp*. I know, amazing when I usually stay up till two or so. But

its a miracle!

Also, I wanted to thank Jordan for her comment that she told me about doing something about

changing my life instead of waiting for changes to come to me. I have tried to find the

"something/someone" to change my life for quite some time with no luck, but better to keep

going strong instead of giving up. Because I will find what I am looking for eventually.

This is my story, I'll write it the way I want to


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Sunday, March 21, 2004

Today was quite an active day. It was my dad's birthday so we went all over and had a blast.

Woke up around 9 and ate breakfast, then gave my dad his presents (one which isn't here yet,

the portable DVD player ). Then we tried to find a movie to go to. Around lunch time, we

went to Golden Corale (however you spell it). I ate like two plates and then a desert plate

(thank goodness for all-you-can-eat-buffets) so I think I got my eight bucks worth. Then we

went to Cheaper by the dozen (this is the 3rd freaking time I have seen it...). Went to Home

Depot where I sat out in the car for a while, came home, went to the park and played some

football, then went home.

Then I just hung out at home. Wrestled around with my little brother and started on a new

sketch. And now it is yet again, almost midnight and I am talking to Jessie... I really need

to start getting to bed sooner.


Saturday, March 20, 2004

Today we had school off (thank goodness). I hung out around the house for the first part of

the day. Then I went to Orem with my mom (and sat out in the car for like an hour while my

mom went shopping ) Then we went searching for my dad's birthday present.

Came home, talked online with everyone for a while and played a little Nintendo. Then Kara,

Jessie, Marriah and I went to the movies. We were going to see Welcome to Mooseport, but we

ended up seeing The Home Teachers because Kimball was there and his brother couldn't go to


It was alright, had its funny parts but was too short and lacked a real story. Maybe it will

be better if I see it agian, but it wasn't great this time. It was only like an hour long...

Kara's mom wasn't going to pick everyone up till 9, so we all went outside and hung out till

then. Kimball said something rude to I punched him and knocked him over, which was fun .

Then Kara hit me about 7 times (lol, she has like never really hit me till tonight ) We sit

and talked about different things, then I walked home around 9.

Came home, and talked online with Kara and Jessie. And thats what made me think about things

that I thought I had forgotten...

Brought up some memories, and a strong reminder about how things really are... Some people

you can never truly let go of, no matter what. You may not love them anymore, or even want

anything to go beyond friendship. But you care so greatly for someone... I dont even know

how to put it in words. Its not love, it's... just something different. Caring about someone

so greatly, that you would do anything you could to make them happy. Being their little

guardian angel .

Gall, I don't know what I want, or how to forget this all. I guess there is too much of a

history to forget everything. Too much a part of me doesn't want to let go of to be able to

move on.

I wish I could go back to when life wasn't so hard. But this really is only the beginning.

If I can let go of this one thing, I may be better off... but it's so hard to let go because

if I let go, I will need to take on a new life almost. Something that I really want, but

will be giving up a lot to get. I will lose many of my friends who I care about if I give up

all I have to solve this problem. I guess that isn't really an option, so all I can do is

keep living with this feeling. I have delt with it for 5 and a half months already, and hope

that I will be able to resolve everything eventually.

We'll see how it all turns out in the end I guess. Just watching a bunch of music videos

right now (Going Under is amazing. Amy Lee is such a hottie ) So I will go now, and hope for

answers in the morning.


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Friday, March 19, 2004

It... its.... OVER!



Ok, today was the last day of the semester, nothing particularly interesting (Though I

noticed more cute girls today taht I hadn't seen before). After school, Aaron, Sean, and

John came over. We played a little MTG and some PSO:III and then went to Cheaper By the

Dozen at 9 (just cause we were bored and needed to get out of the house). Got back at 11,

and I noticed that Jessie J. was online, so I decided to talk to her. Apparently she

couldn't sleep so here we are, almost one in the morning, talking to each other I always

seem to find some good reason to stay up till one every night

Well, theres a short little paragraph for today, not too amazingly eventful, but it was



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Thursday, March 18, 2004

Wednesday... almost to the end of the week.

Happy St. Patrics everyone. Today was a typical B day. I was only able to pinch one person

(Arin before she decided to go crazy with the green marker). But it was still an alright

day. Had a test in History (ich...) but did alright on it. Then coursed my way through the

rest of the day. Ran the mile in PE again (with my leg that I somehow screwed up... not

fun...). And then finished the day pretending to keyboard while really just surfing the net


Then I ended up having to go find my Jacket at the end of the day because I realized that I

had lost it somewhere. So I found my jacket and went home.

Talked online for a little bit like I normally do, then went to guitar, then came home and

talked online some more, then made dinner, and yes, talked online more. Then went for a jog.

And then I decided to backup all my important stuff and blow away my hard drive on my

computer (because its being screwy...). So right now I'm doing that. I need to take a quick

shower and then I am headed for bed. Not a great day.... mostly booring. I gotta get off the

freaking computer and out of my house and go do something. I really need to get away from

everything and just get out there and do something new and exciting. I really want to go to

some new place or something... I dont know what. I do know I dont want to be stuck in this

life i'm living now. Because quite frankly, its getting old. Same basic patern to every day

with little changes here and there but thats about it. Maybe I will get lucky and something

new will happen to spice things up a little bit... but I guess you can only dream right?


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Wednesday, March 17, 2004

Tuesday... the week drags on.

Everyone wasn't in the best mood today (I swear, no one was happy today except maybe Sean).

I started off going to school (late for Jennings again like I always am). Decided that I

'had' to go work the sound while the womens choir was practicing. So I spent the period

listening to them while doing whatever jobs I needed to.

I found out that we had gotten our tests back in math, and I didn't fair as badly as I was

afraid I did. I ended up getting a 78 (when I wanted to get an 80). So at least I met what I

had prayed for (my last test was a 65... ouch). Finished off the day with a substitute in

Phillips (nice break).

At the end of the day, apparently Kara needed to talk to Trisha about something, and I

wasn't getting the hint to buzz off. A hint for all you ladies out there, be direct with

guys. Most of us are too stupid enough to get the hint (and many of you act like it, which

is true). So next time you want a guy to leave you alone, tell him instead of sending

undetectable hints .

Talked for a little online after school and Steven dropped by to show me his latest purchase

which was a portable DVD player (spiffy piece of tech if you ask me. It would be nice to

have one, though I would rather have a lap top )

I desperately need to get off my 500 mhz celeron processor PC (with who knows how much

memory) and upgrade it to anything better. A laptop would be l33t because we have a wireless

network in our house (that I ended up purchasing a while back, after frying our old router )

meaning that I could move around wherever and not be stuck upstairs. Heck, I could even go

outside if I wanted to. Right now i'm trying to talk my dad into giving up his old laptop

and having the company invest in a new one for him (which he needs since this one is a few

years old. Pentium III and less then 1 Ghz, yet good enough for me). Of course, it's

somewhat of a hopeless cause, but you can't blame me for trying right?

To add to my list of stuff to get, I desperately need to get a pair of blades... its

starting to get warmer every day. I should have some by Easter if I'm lucky (and dont blow

anymore money... hehe, bought Megatokyo this week and plan to buy the latest one when its

releaced on the 31st). Then I can finally ride home from school, which is way more

convenient to be able to leave when I want as opposed to leaving at a set time because my

ride is there. Easter also means that Jessie is comming so I finally will be able to see

her! (hopefully I will be here to be able to see her as well...).

I headed to John's around 5:30 and played Basketball and MTG with Sean and John. I won both

times in a three way (John wasnt too happy about this ). I seriously gotta get my act

together and start working harder and try a few Tourneys as well as maybe go for a bunch of

other organizations to try out. Free time is lacking on my part, and I don't have a ton of

time to work on Pro because I am stuck here with Casual because of lack of time... Pro takes

two things, effort and money. I can make the effort, but time and money is where I fall

short. I can tap into Johns resources if I need to, but that only takes me so far. Trick is

playing the current block and finding new tactics to use as well as adapting old ones.

Hopefully I can throw something together and try my hand at a Draft or something come

Thursday (if I can get Aaron to come that would be great, as well as Caleb, Sean, John, and


Though, I most likely will end up playing PSO:III with Aaron, Caleb, and Cameron (hopefully)

for most of the night. Just hanging out playing PSO... nothing better is there? (ok, apart

from girls... playing MTG and various RPG's with the guys).

After Johns, I went to mutual and had a quick interview with the Bishop after opening

exercises. Then came home and watched X-Men (the first one). Now that I finally saw the

first one, I probably should watch the second again .

Well, its like 11 something and I should really get to bed to get my much needed 8 hours of

sleep so I can be energetic tomorrow (instead of in und34d z0m813 m0d3). St Patric's day

tomorrow, so that hopefully will be fun (beating those who dare pinch me while i'm wearing

my l33t 1up wristband, unless its a girl of course ).


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Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Monday, monday, monday... Not much to say. It was a B day (as opposed to an A day). I

decided to go for it and try to get two lunches today (one before PE, and one after). It

worked, which was sweet . Though, I ended up paying for two lunches, so I dont plan on doing

it anymore... Then at lunch, Arin stuck her plate on my head and Katy shoved something down

my back. So I chucked teddy gramms at everyone and shoved the packadge down Arins back. lol,

we always find some way to entertain each other during lunch.

Finished off the day and I went to my grandparents like I do every week. Then Sean and John

stopped by and I talked to them for a bit. Then I talked to Jessie & Kara. And talked to

Elise for all of three seconds. Though we talked till about midnight last night, she's so


Went to Media Play to finally go buy the Megatokyo book I wanted . It's l337 . Nice to have

it as a book now instead of always reading it online, so I can take it to school so I'm not

bored during english or reading time anymore. Especially with Phillips on her "grammer kick"

and me getting done around 30-45 min early, I have a lot of time (that's required to be

'reading', so I can't do anything else...). Then we came home, I talked to Jessie more, then

watched Lion King 1/2 with my family for family night. Not the most eventful day today, but

it still was fun.


Monday, March 15, 2004

Today was another sunday. Woke up, hung around the house, played with my little brother.

Went to church, went to my grandparents, came home, tried to fix my stupid comptuer (with no

success). Talked to Jessie, Kara, and Elise for the rest of the evening.

And that was my day.


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Sunday, March 14, 2004

Today, I get to make two posts because last night I was too tired to write (I went to bed

around 1 in the morning). So without farther adeu (however you spell it). my friday...

It was another A day. Health was really depressing though because we talked about all these

emotions and the stages of death and stuff, which brought up some unpleasant memories...

Then of course, I had a math test, which I actually think I did well on . ended the day in

english, where Mrs. Phillips is off on her 'Grammar Kick', though, it's easy I guess

Then after school, I went to the dance. Of course, it didn't top the Stake Dances. It was

fun though, we all watched Beth spaz out (which was hiliarious). Then I got asked to dance

by like three girls when it was 'girls ask guys', and so of course, Beth grabs me to dance

with her instead of everyone else who had asked me before . And of course, we dont slow

dance, we fast dance during a slow dance . So that was fun. I danced with Kara and Cassie

too, that is, we actually slow danced unlike Beth

Dance ended, and everyone went to Beths house while I sat at home and basically did nothing.

Which was fun. Then after Kara got back, I talked to her and Jessie, went on a jog, figured

something out (finally), talked to Jessie, and then we all talked until about 1. Then I

talked to Kara on the phone for a bit, and I FINALLY got Jessie on the phone around midnight

. It was all of about a twenty second conversation (because I heard someone comming up the

stairs) though...


Woke up at about 11:40, because I stayed up late. Then I watched a Digimon video with my

little brother for like an hour (ah, the memories of fourth grade... ). Then my dad came

home from his business trip (finally!). And he brought me this awesome USB Memory drive, so

I put a bunch of stuff on that. Then I took a shower at like 3, ate dinner, then went to


Played a few games of MTG (all of which I won ). Then I had to go see a play for Tech Crew.

So I went with my dad. It wasn't great, but it was ok I guess. I could tell it was killing

my dad though . But its nice to get that out of the way.

And now I am doing my nightly ritual of writing in this and talking to Jessie like I

normally do. Its already 11, so I should probably get to bed sometime soon (keyword being

"probably"). So I will wrap this up.


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Saturday, March 13, 2004


Close my eyes

Wake up in a dream

Life seems simple

All thought out

On you, Hell’s winds will blow

Just go… it’s over now

The same mistakes, we always make

As I fall again

Dreaming again

Life is bliss

You feel her touch

Her gentle kiss

World wakes you up

Lost from your dream

Chain of life around your neck

As I fall again

Awake in the world

Walks like a vision

Set yourself up

As I fall again

Locked away

Within my heart

A hole still bleeds

Cut deeper by my thoughts

All the songs make sense again

Move on and leave her there

Nothing I feel matters though

Yet pain still tears me down.

Walk alone the dusty road

The world has paved for you

Dream of love has ended now

Left alone in the cold again.


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Friday, March 12, 2004

Lets see, its Thrusday, one of my less busy days of this week. I went to school and walked

out to the seminary building instead of being on time again (I tend to do that...). Coursed

through the first half of the day (we had a sub in moon, so Brent and I surfed the net).

Then swung by the lunch room for some food, and stopped to talk with Kara before heading off

to P.E. (barely made it in time). We had fitness tests today, so we did that instead of our

regular routine. I got an 'A' for my physical fitness rating . Then ate lunch, went with

Jessie, Erin, and Katy and watched Erin do the funny things she does (including flying into

people down the halls). Then class was starting so I went with Kara to our classes. Made it

through keyboarding (had a test on something I hadn't learned due to being absent, but I

still think I did really well). Then the end of the day came, and I planned on going to

Math, then I decided I wasn't quite prepared, so I stole Kara's flip-flop and we all had

another flip-flop war

So we walked outside by the Seminary building and basically started hitting each other with

flip-flops (Kara, Jessie, Trish and I). Then of course, Kara decided to leave my team and

join the girls, so I had three girls whacking me with flip-flops . That was fun, but of

course, what makes it even better is that they decided that I shouldn't get a flip-flop. So

it turned into a game of "Three girls beat Shane with flip-flops. Of course, Jessie and

especially Trish really get into it, so they are like pounding me (which was hilarious) and

now my hands, arms, butt, and thighs hurt from getting pounded with flip-flops .

And of course, we will do the same thing tomorrow

Well, wait. I guess 'we' won't, the dance is tomorrow... hmm... that kinda brings up an

issue... I have a math test that I was supposed to take over today, that I post poned until

tomorrow, that I can't go to tomorrow because of the dance... uh oh...

Tricky situation, but it will all work out... right?

Next week is the end of the semester (Thank goodness, clean slate) so I have to pull

everything together by then... Easy for some classes, hard for others

*coughcough*. Then the plan is to go to a movie tomorrow night, so that should be

fun. Then I still have to see a play for Tech Crew this weekend *sigh*...

It like never ends... but oh well.

Tonight I talked online as usual (and yet again, tried to call Jessie...'queen of the

ninnies' in her words). Then I got off and played with my little brother for a while. Then

we went to Albertsons and I rented X2 (as in X-Men 2, not FFX-2) and watched it tonight.

Great movie, I hadn't seen it before .

And now its 12:15 AM and I need to get up at 7 tomorrow so I can take a shower so I am going

to wrap this up.


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Thursday, March 11, 2004

Lets see, Wednesday, what happened...

Ok, started off the day great, all happy and energetic. Went to school where Beth was

bouncing off the walls about Trish's birthday, I swear she was more excited then Trish was.

But that was fun to watch. Decided to be late to Tech, just for fun, cause walking to Math

with Trish is more fun then going to class on time while we had a substitute.

We watched 'Bye Bye Birdie' the movie, so Justin and I snuck out and played football. Why?

Because it was more fun then sitting there Plus, I technically had a hallpass anyways

Went through the rest of the day, then the fun part came where Jessie and I stole Kara's

flipflops. Then we did the natural thing to do with them, and decided to hit each other That

was fun and lasted a while, then our parents came and Kara bent over backwards before they

left (literally... gall that girl can bend...)

Got home, went to guitar and learned a bunch of new stuff. Then came home, talked to kara

and tried to get this stupid thing to work... I still cant get it to write to a

CD...*sigh*... Maybe I will try again tomorrow.

Got food, then went to Karate. Then came home from Karate, where my little sister was

screaming all the way home... she is starting to get fussy in the car. Not a good sign...

Came home, tried yet again to fix my CD... with NO SUCCESS!!! Gall, I feel like putting a

gun to the computer's head and saying "write this friggin CD or die". Then I talked to

Jessie and Kara for the rest of the night. Tried to call Jessie (who decided to deliberately

leave the phone on so I COULDNT call her), and that didnt work so I called Kara and talked

to her for around a half hour, which was fun. Music was playing in the background, and a

select few of us know what that means . So it was a fun evening.

And now I'm just talking to Jessie till like 11 is my plan. Hopefully tomorrow will be a

good day. Friday is the dance, and supposedly everyone is going to Peter Pan. So should be



Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Today.... I....

Slept in again

Totally unintentional... but still it happened. Not too good of a thing that it did, but oh


Steven came over and we went to the grocery store and swung by sonic for breakfast. Came

home and found out a ton of different hacking terms, and put a firewall on my computer as

well as a spyware remover, just to build up my defenses :). After learning all this hacking

stuff, it makes you realize how much you are really at risk... Sniffers are also tricky to

aviod as well... hmm...

Anyways, the rest of the day... well the event between Trish and Kimball finally occured so

I heard about that after school. Then we went to Hollywood video, got pizza, and then went

to some store so I could buy my sketch book (along with somre more pencils and a decent

eraser). From there, I went to mutual.

We played volley ball, which was fun for a while, but wasn't the greatest because less then

half of the people could hit the ball over the net... so most of the games consisted of "go

over the net and hit the other side" or "not go over the net". I always went in front though

so I could spike all the low serves, one thing I love doing .

Well, the competition stunk somewhat, but it was decent practice I guess.

Then I came home, where I found out that my Linux download had finished. Then I went through

eight shareware CD burning programs to find one that writes an ISO file to a CD as an image,

with no success... hopefully I can find something somewhere...

Sorry for the booring computer talk today, but thats mostly what my day consisted of.

Hacking stuff, Linux stuff, Security stuff, emotional stuff, and volleyball


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Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Updated the page with some HTML in the header as well as changed the BKG and Profile Avatar.

Tell me what you think

PS: BIG thanks to Blake, I checked out his source code to see how it all worked

Public - 5:13 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Another monday...

Had a sub in Tech Crew so we basically did whatever we wanted for an hour and a half, I

caught up on Geometry (thank goodness, because I had a quiz on it today, which I got 9/10 on

). Health we watched the infamous "miracle of life" video... which was booring for the most

part and then the end was watching a live birth happen... oh joy .

That was quite disturbing and stuck in my mind for a lot of today... *shudder*

Anyways, I wasn't feeling too great after school, I had a major head ache and just didn't

feel well... But I went to my grandparents, came home and did whatever (computer, ect) went

to Karate, went to the mall (bought a new jacket and shirt), had smoothes, came home, looked

up MSN stuff, got tired and went to bed.

Well, thats my day right there, not too interesting. Hopefully tomorrow will be

Still keeping my eye out for that perfect girl that I made up in my description... lol, good

luck to me.


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Sunday, March 07, 2004

Today started off as a great day, sun shining, just everything seemed like it would be a

good day. It wasn't as good as I would have hoped, but it faired out ok in the end. I have

had a headache most of today, so not good... But I went to church and stuff as usual, then I

came home and really just hung out today. Played the guitar for like an hour and surfed the

net to find Tabletures (however you spell it). I also read up and found out a lot about

drawing. There is a lot I still can learn, which is awesome. I found out some different

proportion stuff as well as different angles, ect. I need to keep working on my stuff .

Well, I'm just listening to music and talking to Beth online right now, so I think I am

going to get. Not much to write today. Tomorrow sure as heck is going to be interesting to

watch as the drama unfolds...


Public - 11:47 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Sorry about no post yesterday, for some stupid reason Xanga was down, so I guess I will do

my best to remember...

.Lets see, yesterday I slept in till about 12:45 and so I decided to yet again skip school

(I really need to stop this... its starting to hurt me grade wise...). I dont remember

exactly what I did, I think I just played PSO:III and watched my little brother and

practiced the guitar. Then I went to Tech crew, which wasn't nearly as fun as the first

night was, though Megan was there which made it a little more fun .

Today I woke up at like 7 to go to an EFY meeting that I found out about the night before.

The youth of the ward all went up to UVSC and we had this three hour meeting that was really

good. Talked about the church and stuff and it was good because the whole meeting was

directed towards the youth, so it was much easier to pay attention. It helped me realize

some things I may have not noticed before as well as reminded me about some things to do and

not to do.

Meeting ended, and I hung out at home until about 3, then my family and I went to Cheaper by

the Dozen (I hate Hillary Duft, or however you spell it.) It was alright, but not great. I

would rather have gone to Hidalgo with Kara .

Got about seven emails from Lindsey (5 of which were forwards) so it was nice to be able to

talk to her again, I haven't since last Saturday. I swear, every stake dance has some kind

of drama...

Then I went to my last play... thank goodness that it is finally over. Nothing eventful at

all, my leg is still killing from running up the wall so much

Filled out this spiffy little survey Kara sent me a while back just for fun, you know, cause

I have nothing better to do at 11 pm .
I got this a while ago, but I decided to fill it out just barely Winking smiley emoticon.

If you are bored you can read all these interesting facts about me. Oh Joy!

10 songs you love (not in order)
1) Evanescence- My Immortal

2)Blink 182- Stockholm Syndrome

3)Three Days Grace - I hate everything about you

4)The Ataris - In this diary

5)Good Charlotte - Seasons
6)Good Charlotte - Walk By
7)Something Corporate - Forget December (though most everything by something corporate

is good, Fall, Break Myself, I woke up in a car, I want to save you, they are all great)

8) Linkin Park - Papercut

9)Yellowcard - Breathing

10)Nickelback - How you Remind me

there's tons more but those are the ones that I thought of.

8 people/things that make you smile

2)Kara and Jessie
3)Talking on the phone with Lindsey

4)Memories of good times with people I care about
5)Anytime Kara is so high on sugar and/or caffine that she spazzes out Smiley emoticon
6)Thinking about October and how much of an emotional rollercoaster that was

7)my friends
8)Girls Winking smiley emoticon

8 things that you wear daily
1)Some wristband, be it my jack skeleton one, my nintendo watch one, my NP one, or my

1up mushroom

4)Cargos usually
5) a shirt
6)that’s about it, im a guy so I don’t wear a ton Smiley emoticon

7 people/things that annoy you

2)Talking behind my back

3)People who pretend to understand you, when you realize no one really does

4)Shallow people

5)People who judge others before they know who they really are
6)people in general sometimes

7)The way my life twists and turns.

6 things you're looking foward to
2)Turning 16

3)End of the Semester
4)Going to bed after I finish this survey

5)High School

6)Next year, and the drama that comes with it

5 people/things you're scared of
1)No one loving me... I truly question sometimes if there is actually someone else out


2)Living an unlived life

3)Geometry Homework...

4)Hurting others

5)People seeing me as someone I'm not

4 people you'd like to spend more time with
1)Kara/Any of my other friends

2)Jessie (cause seeing you would be nice)
3)My grandpa

3 movies that you could watch over and over again
1)LOTR, any of them Smiley emoticon

2)Happy Gilmore

3)Spider Man

2 of your favorite songs at the moment
1)Yellowcard - Avondale

2) Goldfinger - Spokesman

Someone you would take to on an island
Well, if I am taking that trip to Fiji, then I would have to bring Kara, Trisha, and

Jessie so we can all escape the drama Smiley emoticon. If its only one person and me living

on an island for a longer period of time, then I would want to bring someone who liked me

for who I was and who I could get along with. Of course it’s a girl, I mean, who could have

fun on an island with a guy? A girl who is just an all around great person, has the looks,

the personality. Plus, her and I have the whole island to our selves so that would be fun

Winking smiley emoticon. Hmm, I better keep looking for her, this island trip sounds like


Ah, that girl somewhere out there... I wonder where she is (no kara, its not praying into

cyber space again...). lol, I hate being single .

-Shane (on the hunt again)

Friday, March 05, 2004

Lets see, today was another A day, so typically not fun. I woke up and headed to Sonic for

breakfast, where I found out that the casheer apparently wasnt there, so no ones orders

could be taken... so that kinda sucked.

I went to Tech Crew and Health, then got checked out to go to the Orthodontist, meaning that

I skipped my last two classes (one which was Geometry, which I should probably have gone

to... whoopse...) So, after I went to the Orthodontist, I swung my Gamestop, bought PSO

episode III and THEN headed to Sonic and bought a Coney.

Went home, decided to just screw geometry and play PSO:III, then at 4:30 headed to dinner

before the play.

The play was so much more fun then I thought it would have been. Started off going to the

dinner, where I ate a navajo taco (however you spell it) and a bunch of other stuff. Then

went with Justin and everyone to film some more. We handcuffed Justin, and David forgot the

key, so Justin was cuffed for like 35 min while Dave ran home to find the key. After that

was taken care of, we fixed up cues, tied up loose ends, ect. And then started the play. I

didn't have any cues for the first act, so I went off and messed around and talked to Kara,

Cassie, Beth, Mikelle, and Martina. And of course, ran up the side of that awesome wall in

Jennings room at least twenty times. At intermission, went back and talked more, till Lizzie

couldnt get the music going, so I had to book it up there and fix that. Then after I did my

cues, I went back down and talked yet some more. It was really a blast. After the play, hung

out with everyone as the actors and crowd socialized. Then of course, back to Jennings room

to go play the Matrix on the side of the wall more. (which of course, I ended up doing at

least five more times, hehe, thats so fun). Walked with Kara, Beth, and Cassie to Beth's

house and then walked back to the school, where I hung around and called my mom. After

getting hold of her, I sat out front talking to Jeremy, Jordan, and Beth (different Beth).

Jeremy kept talking about how much he loved Brook and how hot she was (Of course, Brook

really is a hottie ). He was upset over something like Jordan telling Brook what Jeremy

thought. I really didn't see why it was a big deal, you could tell that he didn't care too

much that she knew . Gall, keeping stuff like that a secret is almost pointless, though I

guess there are times where you can use it to your advantage by keeping it quiet, though

this wasn't one of those cases.

Anyway, got home, talked to Jessie, Kara, and Beth. Then I downloaded a ton of Yellowcard

songs, and found Spokesman by Goldfinger (finally) along with Stairway to Heaven by Led

Zeppelin (however you spell it, correct me if I am wrong Jordan). Then I took a shower,

drew more of my comic (hehe, just for kicks), infact, I better go finish that and get to

bed. I plan on getting up at 6:30 to run to Sonic for breakfast (hopefully). So I better get

to work and then get to bed!

Tomorrow is FRIDAY! Week is finally almost over so I can get in some more hours on PSO:III

and hopefully do something fun with my friends. Here's hoping!


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Thursday, March 04, 2004

Lets see, today was a B day. Had a history quiz that I screwed up on... Gall I can't wait

till this freaking semester, or at least week, is OVER!

I have been working my butt off all day long with like zero time to do what I want. Its

basically school, homework, tech crew, homework, go to bed for the rest of the week... I

don't think I will have time to do my geometry either... *sigh* the life of a tech crew

member who happens to have a life.

Lunch was fun again, simply because its fun to watch Arin (yes, thats how you spell her

name, kinda unique) Jessie and Katy being spazzy. Picking up pennies, trying to figure out

how to get into Kara's locker so Katy could organize it, throwing pennies into Arins locker,

and other weird stuff. But yeah, that was as far as eventful goes in school

Anyways, went to guitar, came home, practiced guitar, talked to Kara and Jessie for like

10-15 min (or less), went to Tech crew, did my job and screwed off too (and made Nazi

schwastica's out of red tape to put on our 'silent nazis', of course Mrs. J ruined the fun

and made them take them off, so we graffitied the walls with them instead.). Played

football, ran off the wall and video taped it (Justin and everryone did another cops spoof,

lol). And just hung out really, with the exception of doing my job

And then I went home, ran to Sonic and got some tater tots with my mom, and then talked to

Kara and Jessie for the rest of the evening (30 min ish) and now I am writing in this.

Didn't call Lindsey, but I will try tomorrow. PSO: III comes out tomorrow, so I will

probably go in debt 30 bucks and just go buy it. Though I won't get to play till like

Saturday because of all the work... *sigh* LET IT BE THE WEEKEND PLEASE!

As far as the comic goes, I realized how much I suck at drawing from the side as of

currently.. so I will be holding back on a try at that till I figure it out... I wont give


Anyways, I need to get to bed so I will wrap this up!


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Wednesday, March 03, 2004

Ok, this is going to be a quicky post because I need to get to bed and I am working on my

history and yearbook... which are both due tomorrow...

Anyway, it was another day of working. School's one eventful thing was snowball fighting

with everyone after school. But not much more then that happened as far as school went. I

got an 8/10 on a quiz, so I am pleased with that .

But after school, I got to work on my History and Yearbook, my two main concerns, and I

talked to Kara a little online. Then at 6, I headed to tech crew.

Tech Crew I pretty much screwed off for two hours, though I did my job still. Ran up the

side of Jenning's wall (quite fun, much better then running up the walls in the hallway) and

my and some of the other guys filmed a spoof on 'Cops' instead of rehersing. It was fun to

do, and a great way to blow time as well .

Got home and worked on homework, I question my comic drawing abilities, simply because I

cant draw well from the left or right angle yet, so yes it is time to get a book on it with

the money that I dont have and practice more with the time I dont have. Finished Yearbook

and History just barely, so now I am getting to bed *yawn*.


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Tuesday, March 02, 2004

It was yet another Monday here, I am so backed up with homework. Term ends in six days and I

have a C in four of my classes (two of which that can be totally repaired, simply low

because of some work that wasn't turned in). So I need to do some quick fixing for Tech Crew

and Geometry... Retake a test in Geometry, and work my *ahem* off in Tech Crew and hope for

a miracle. Jennings ususally is kind and does some kinda "extra credit opportunities day" on

the last day of the term, here is hoping she does it again...

I most likely need to stay after for Tech Crew tomorrow, just to get my hours in ( I only

have four so far out of fifteen). And I for sure need to stay after for the test, here is

hoping it will all average out, this is the hottest water I have ever been in grade wise...

It's going to be tricky to get out of this one...

On top of the regular homework (geometry, which I did two assignments tonight) I also am

doing my Yearbook Staff application, which requires a project. We also have a project in Mr.

Write's class, which involves drawing a comic about history. Leave it to Mr. Write to

require me to draw a comic (which I have been needing to do for the last who knows how long)

I can edit it on the computer, to make it fit both the situation I want, and the requirement

for his class. Basically, make the comic how I want and then edit it for his class after I

am done having my fun .

But as far as how the day went, not too bad for a Monday, just kinda coasted along today (as

ususal). Erin and Jessie made Katy organize my locker (YAY!) so that was nice to get done.

And then they locked her in the Bathroom, so that was fun to watch too .

Anyway, school ended and I went to my Grandparents, where I worked, then did my homework.

I've got like twenty bucks towards PSO: III and I am debating if I want to go into debt 30

bucks or not... The way my schedule is going, it probably won't matter if I get it next

week, or if I wait three weeks (ish, probably four...*sigh*). I know Aaron, John, and David

C. will be pleased if I get it this weekend So I will try guys, if any of you feel kind

enough to donate some cash to my cause, that would be great too!

So, I got home, did homework, went to Karate, did homework, made a wallpaper (kinda cool,

check it out on my webpage)

and then filled out part of my Yearbook application, and now I am writing in this as the

Vanilla Coke caffine kicks in... great just in time for bed... I don't really have a reason

to stay up and think about anyone anymore, so there goes that excuse for just lying in bed

and quietly smiling to myself. Oh well, I guess I'm used to it by now, just gotta jump back

on my feet and try again. Hopefully it won't take me as long anymore...

So, webcomic by the end of the week, I am downloading Adobe Illustrator as we speak (ANYONE


touch up my pictures a bit

Correl w/e its called is also welcomed! Cause thats a good one too (not as good as

Illustrator, but oh well. Beggers cant be choosers). Maybe someday when I can get a job, and

not blow all my money on girls and games, I will be able to invest in some programs I need

instead of mooching off my fortunate buddies.

Still gotta practice my guitar, which I didn't get to do today... I think I will work on the

chord progression for "forget december"... ah what a good song

Well, its like 11:34 and I have to get up early, so I should stop typing and get to bed.


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Monday, March 01, 2004

Today was another Sunday, I was tired from going to bed at 2, so I slept in. Not an

extremely eventful day, Sundays are more of a recovery from the week for me then a hectic,

dramatic addition to my life like any other day. So much has happened, even over the past

two weeks, somewhat of a break sure was nice.

Went to church like usual and stuff, came home and did homework and talked to Kara for a

while. Then talked to Mattie who told me how sorry Lindsey still was and how she won't shut

up about it. So I should probably call her soon and so we can finalize and sort things out.

That was pretty much my evening, and now I'm a bit sick to my stomach, I blame the Meat Loaf

I ate so I am going to get to bed.


Sunday, February 29, 2004


A silent tear runs down your cheek,

And Streams across your face.

She pulls your heartstring,

And lets it go.

Is pain worth it in the end?

Worth the effort made?

She pulls your heartstring

And lets it go.

Played like a violin,

Love was the lie this time.

She pulls your heartstring,

And lets it go.

Simply just alone once more,

Road coming to an end.

She pulls your heartstring,

And lets it go.

Eyes close, world fades,

A tear streams down your face.

She pulls your heartstring,

And lets it go.

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Keep in mind that today was the Stake Dance, AKA drama day

Today was... interesting, confusing, sad, fun, all swirled into one. I started off by

planning to meet Lindsey at the mall and then go to a movie and then go to the stake dance.

After a bit of thinking, we figured out how that was going to work out. So around 3, we went

up there and picked her and her friend up (her friend had to come with her for her to see

me, keep that in mind for the whole time). So we drove home and were going to go to a movie

and her friend calls her mom and gets in trouble for some reason and so her mom said she had

to go home right then (her friend's mom to her friend). So we drove them back and I got to

see her for a grand total of like an hour and a half, most of which was spent in the car. So

no movie and no dance.

That was dissapointing somewhat, but as far as our relationship goes, its pretty much over.

Long distance relationships suck. It hurt a bit at first, but it also didn't hurt a ton, I

will get over it easily. The dance helped me somewhat too to recover. I really feel a bit

better now. Sorry for not telling anyone (like at the dance) but I didn't want to deal with

the drama then. She felt really bad about it, but I don't want the sympathy because it

doesnt help me. It was fun while it lasted though. I think that having my little experience

with Kara has taught me a lot about relationships and how to deal with them easier. So

thanks for dumping me Kara (! Sorry for stealing your "pshhhh" Jessie, but it

fit in right there really well

So lets get off that sour note and move onto the dance.

The dance was a blast. There were a ton of first timers (Blake, I cant believe you didnt

dance with anyone! Thats why it was boring for you bud!). David Youd had fun I know, because

he danced. Most of the time I jumped from group to group. Of course, something dramatic

happened at this dance too (not involving me, my drama for the day was Lindsey). I only did

like six slow dances this time though... which is low for me . And then I got home about 11,

called Jordan (because I promised her I would, Jordan is my cousin for those of you who dont

know). Then I talked online with Bethany, Jessie, and Trish (I'm still talking to Jessie,

and its like two in the morning ). I need to do some writing (including Jessie's poem, Sam

the Worm with the Mowhawk). And then I think I should start working on my webcomic thingy...

I hopefully have enough sketches to get started so lets hope so!


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Saturday, February 28, 2004

Wow, today was sure dramatic...

Woke up late today and so I skipped school yet again. Not a good thing, I am a bit behind in

my work... but I procrastinate so I probably won't do it .

Instead of doing work, I decided to go to the mall with my mom and sister (she had oral

surgery last thursday, so she's missed like the last seven days, she's doing better

though!). Went to Hot Topic and bought a Jack Skeleton wrist band then headed to Games

People Play and bought a booster for kicks. Picked up some chinese food and went home.

I worked on the computer, and tried to clean my room a little (still not done, too many

interuptions that I caused). Ended up getting in an argument for about an hour and a half,

which I have resolved with Kara but not Jessie (Jessie, I really want to talk to you ). Then

I went to dinner with the bishop (No Kara, I didn't ask him about the best make out places

in the church, though I was tempted. I'm sure I will be able to find some). It was for

passing off a scripture, so myself and 8 other people went over to his house for dinner.

Ended the evening cleaning up and working on my portfolio, I think I'm almost ready for the

web comic which I hope to get up in the next week!

Then I talked to Lindsey around 10:30 for about 45 minutes and we planned a little more. She

should be comming down around two or so then we are headed to a movie and then to the dance

at eight. So it should be a fun day! I'm looking forward to it.

Well, I'm a bit tired and I still need to take a shower and update my portfolio so I will

see you guys later!


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Friday, February 27, 2004

Kara and Jessie, sorry about the mean stuff I wrote. I still mean it but that wasnt

the most polite way to put it... Can we just be freaking friends again instead of going on

with this?

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No one's there to talk to so I think this is the only place I can write. After sitting and

listening to my two "friends" chewing me out for an hour and then acting like it didn't

matter, I of course am not in a good mood. I realize how much I hurt Jessie, I have only

heard and understood the entire time. Now you guys have had a chance to tell me what pisses

you off about me and how you think I am, now I think that it's my turn.

First off, Jessie already knows what she does that pisses me off. Just the smart little

comments she comes up with after every word I say. Whenever I say anything I always have to

think to myself before "Hmm, are Jessie's eyes going to roll in the back of her head and

what smart thing is she going to say?". Now I realize, its not worth it to me. She may have

warned me when I first met her how she was, but every time she says something it hurts. If

she actually cared, she would stop. But she doesn't so it doesnt matter anyway apparently.

Every time I think about Kara, I almost die laughing with the things she comes up with. She

talks all this trash, says she was kidding, and feels good that I felt bad. Her and Jessie

jump on me and then she pretends she solved the problem. I recognized and apolidgized for

what I did to Jessie, then she tells Jessie "Don't listen to him Jessie, he is just trying

to be the hero". Hero? She wants me to solve the problem so I try, then when I try she comes

up with something for that. Another thing Kara, shut up about Lindsey. It seems every

conversation you have with me you come up with some crap about her. Saying some unneccary

comment about us doing something. Good thing I didn't do that when you were with Kimball

huh? That night at the movies I could have shot my mouth off to everyone, but I didnt in

respect of you and your feelings. I didn't appreciate you shooting your mouth off to anyone

because it wasn't really your business anyway. There are times when you just need to shut up

and mind your own business. That was one of those times.

I recognize that I hurt Jessie, and I feel bad about it and I am sorry about it. But you

guys dont realize how much you hurt me, pretended to patch it up, and then continue with

life. This issue is not over so if we want it to work out, we are going to need to continue.

Though with "friends" who say some of the things you do, I question if its worth it. Jessie

pushed, I eventually snapped, she got hurt, I got hurt. No good has come of this situation

(stating the obvious). And you guys have been about as mature as I have about it, which is

not at all. Kara can pretend all she wants to be the "good guy"but its not going to happen.

My life is not perfect, and I no longer strive to get involved. You keep telling me things

that may seem that are true, but really aren't and you can either believe me or not. I laugh

a little to myself that you guys think that I assume that I am some perfect person who

doesn't have problems and tries to help others. Yet another reason why you guys really don't

know who I am, and probably never will.

Thanks Jessie J. for letting me complain to you and listening, same with Trisha (who told me

a while ago that I can be annoying which I know I can). Helps you realize who your friends

are. Hopefully your dad will let you go to the dance Jessie (also glad that you actually

want to go:happy)! It's too bad that your moving though . Lets just enjoy the time your



Friday, February 27, 2004

Relinquished Soul-

Relinquished soul, become my fate

Become my state of mind

Your alone, your life forfeit

Your shadow left behind

Hopeless, useless, no one cares

Alone and yet forgotten

Nothing left for you to feel

Life’s hung you out to dry

Alone and tired, no one cares

Just sitting in the dark

Relinquished soul, become my fate

Alone and yet forgotten

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Written on Friday Morning:

Well, my "stay up loaded on sugar idea" was a success, I made it till about 3 in the morning

before I went to bed. Then I slept in till about 10:30. Worked on my Geometry Video (who

came up with that stupid idea?) all day long. It's finally done (took me till about one in

the morning to get it done) and I slept in, so this is "Skipping School Day 2"

I talked to Lindsey yesterday on the phone for like twenty minutes cause she couldnt talk

longer then that (which is pretty short for us) so hopefully I can call her again today.

Plans for Saturday are still on, and we made driving arrangements so it should all work out.

Tomorow is the Dance and I get to see Lindsey so it should be a good weekend! Today I'm

going out to dinner with the Bishop at 6 (he made a deal with us that for everyone that

passed off memorizing a scripture, that he would take them out to dinner, I was pretty

shocked) so that should be fun.

Today I plan on going to the mall and then I need to do some major house cleaning (My room

is the worst off it has ever been... just looking at it makes me sick ) So I better get and

start the day.


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Thursday, February 26, 2004

Sorry for skipping a post yesterday, I didn't get in till a little after 11, and I still had

some stuff to take care of. So here is an extra long one for today :)

Flashback to yesterday...

It was a typical B day. Got up, went to school. The only real eventful thing that happened

during school was Erin telling my to tighten my stomach and then she like punched it as hard

as she could twice (lol, it was actually kinda funny) during US History. I ran around and

got signatures for all my classes and stuff and talked with Blake and Brent about some

"security loophole finding" and methods to do it. Word is also out on a legal hacking forum

on, where no illegal methods will be discussed (of course). Hopefully that will be up

soon because we can sure use that as a major resorce.

Then I had to stay after for Tech again till around 5:45. Then I went home and got my hair

cut (finally) then was 30 min late to mutual. I ended up only staying for like 5 min because

it was over, so I got a ride home and spent the rest of the night uploading my sketches,

making posts and then around 10, I called Lindsey.

We had fun, I sat out in my car and talked to her while it was raining (finally Kara!) for

around an hour or so. Plans for seeing her on Saturday are still going to work out, we may


STAKE CENTER THIS SATURDAY EVERYONE! 14 AND UP, or if your *cough* close !). So it should be

a fun weekend .


Got some last min applications for classes signed (like way last min). Mrs. Jennings put on

some scarry old age makeup stuff that made her look, well, old. It was kinda scarry and

extremely booring to sit there watching her explain as she put it on. We have been doing

makeup for the past two freaking weeks... Time for a major subject change Jennings! Stop

training us to be your professional unpaid slaves and let us get back to working on a stupid

set for the sucky play that has terrible acting. Because your current use of the blocks, and

then using people as the trees, bushes (what the heck are you thinking?) as opposed to

building a set, or at least making it look better then it does now. Techies make actors look

good, because they dont. Though this will be a tough job making these guys look good...

There are some who are talented but it is very few. Our Manager for this play is off with

some random girl instead of running the play, so we are screwed in that department too. lol,

it will be amusing to see Jennings lose her entire tech crew next year due to wasting our

time and nickle and diming us to death with a test every other freaking day. Time to stop

and wake up, no one has higher then a C in your class so there is no reason for any of them

to come back next year and no one will (found this out after taking a pole ).

*sigh* Well, that class sucks right now and most likely will for a while. I got a freaking

65 on my test (and of course, Paulson marks like 2 of them that are correct as wrong.) I

plan on definately retaking tomorrow, though I wont be able to because I have to ride the

bus... hmm, that reminds me. I better call Aaron to see what he is up to tomorrow hopefully

we can go to a draft or something. By the way Aaron, PSO: III comes out on the second of

March, I will buy it so we can all play I most likely will buy a month so I can play it

online (it also includes a PSO:I&II subscription which is sweet).

Went to guitar (it has started getting even more fun then it was before I gotta work on

switching chords though). Then came home and talked online while working on History homework

(whoopse, thats not done...crap it's due tomorrow too) Went to Karate, decided to go buy a

booster so I did (nothing but crap) and I have eaten 5 boxes of red hots, so I am wired for

the rest of the night. I need to go find some caffine too so I will be wasted tomorrow

morning and not need to go to school (what a shame ) Hmm. That is actually a great plan. I

think I will be doing that tomorrow!

Yeah, tomorrow I will ditch I believe. I have some work to take care of anyways, so I can

work on it then. I will just stay up all night tonight watching PSO:III movies and finding

screen shots . And then play FF:VII till about 1-2, and then finish off the night playing

FF:CC. Trick is staying awake... hmm better go get some more sugar and find some caffine

somewhere in the house...

Goodnight people, I should be up for the next few hours!


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Tuesday, February 24, 2004

Today was a monday, one of the more eventful ones. Made it through school alive. Had a

Geometry test (which I dont think I did to well on... I hope I got like an eighty, that

would be a miracle). We learned about registration for 9th grade today. Most of my classes

all require a signature (Honors english, algebra II, yearbook, advance PE, office aid, and

theres one more but I cant think of it) so I get to get all those signatures tomorrow.

Had to stay after for Tech Crew today, and of course, the three most important characters

dont show up for rehersal, so I waisted an hour there. Went to my grandpa's and worked till

like six. Then came home and hung around for an hour until Karate. Went to that then came

back, had family night, helped my friend Melissa with her Algebra, talked to Blake about

this awesome program (which I will find out more on later, you still need to teach me how to

use it, I played with it a little but not much).

And now I'm just talking to Jessie and writing in this. I still gotta to to Tech tomorrow

for a while after school, whopee...

Well, I gotta take care of some stuff and then I am off to bed. G'night everyone.


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Monday, February 23, 2004

Today I woke up at like 11:30, which is way too late for me... its like wasting half of the

day, though its nice to sleep for that long. I went to church and stuff as usual. Got home

and talked to Jordan and stuff online, I have just been really depressed all day with not

too much of a reason to be. Though I have been for the past few days... Anyways I had to go

do Home Teaching so I left for that. I have been getting all these little signs all week on

what I had been doing wrong, those of you who are LDS, 2 nephi chapter 4 15-35 are really

good. But durring home teaching, it just really hit me hard that I needed to find out an

answer and stop being dumb and just go pray. So after I got home I went into my car (the one

that has its transmission shot ) and prayed for like ten minutes straight, repenting for all

the things that I had done and asking for help with the current issues that I'm facing. I

guess its always best to go to Heavenly Father whenever you need help and I had kinda

forgotten that. But after doing that I felt a whole lot better knowing that it was going to

be alright, my parents seemed to be really concerned about me though. My dad talked to me

and asked if I wanted to talk about it but I just told him that I had figured it all out and

that I wasn't doing something bad (like drugs or something) that he needed to worry about.

So he told me that he was there if he needed me. But my mom was like really persistent all

night, its hard to avoid the subject with her... I dont know why but I really dont feel

comfortable talking to too many people about my problems. I used to have a handful of people

that I could talk (Kara, Jessie, Jessica, to name a few) and now it seems that I only have a

few left that are willing to listen and help anymore (Jordan and Lindsey is pretty much it,

though I can talk to Jessie occasionally, but it still doenst seem like I can like I used

to, and I have entirely shut myself off from Kara and Jessica unfortunately...). I really

dont see why I dont feel entirely comfortable with my parents, because I know that they

would understand, them being teenagers before. But I dont yet feel comfortable... I guess I

really dont know how to put it all into words either.

I finished off the evening putting together my weight bench while I thought. Then my dad was

very kind and let me borrow his cell phone for a half hour so I could call Lindsey. And that

was like the best thing he could have done all day . So I spent 30 min sitting out in my car

on the phone with her talking about various things. She has a freaking sore throat so she

better get feeling better before Saturday . I guess it's better that she has it now so she

has the week to recover then like the night before... lol, I hope she doesn't get me sick on

Saturday If so, oh well, right?

Well, its like 11 and I think I will go try out my new weight set thingy and do a few sets

of butterflies. So I will wrap up this post. Geometry test tomorrow *sigh* hopefully I won't

bomb this one like I do with all the others...

-Shane (who is feeling a lot better )

Sunday, February 22, 2004

Apparently the real reason was because they didn't want me to get into an obsessive

relationship (hmm...heard that somewhere before). So they are restricting my calling time to

two days a week for an hour each time so we can still have a relationship but it doesn't go

too far. It kinda sucks but I still get whre they are going, whatever makes them feel better

about what I am doing is fine with me. I still get to talk to her just not as often or as

much (lol, I spent like twenty bucks this week alone).

So, the trick is for her to call me more often, because if she calls me then I can still

talk also ya need to get the internet again (I really need to try to set you up with

something...). Though if she gets the internet, that will lead to "being on the computer too

much". There is like no way that I can do anything without it having some consequence. I

talk on the phone more then I am online, so I dont have phone privelages as much, I'm on the

computer too much so I lose computer time, ect. You cant have too much of one thing I guess.

Too much of one thing is a bad thing I guess. So Lindsey, I will most likely call you

tomorrow and let you know whats up (I am writing this incase you get a chance to go to the

library to use the internet or something so you know why I may or may not call you

tomorrow). My parents don't see Lindsey as a bad person of course, just that we may need to

slow down a little bit. We still get to see each other on Saturday though! (Unless something

else goes wrong and screws that whole mess up...).

Well, I gotta get to bed, I have a lot of things to sort through and figure out how to use

this system to my advantage instead of it being against me... I always find a way though

-Shane (who doesn't get to call his lover as much )

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Today wasn't real exciting or glamorous. I mostly worked on the basement and posted stuff on like crazy (which I actually ended up appolidgizing for too many short meaningless

posts ). That was the majority of the day. Bethany (Child) called me around 3 or so and I

talked to her, then Lindsey called me about 2 min later and we talked for like 5 min. Then I

went back to the basement. Later on in the evening I talked with Kara and Jessie for a bit

(about duct tape for part of it, which was an interesting comversation, lol). Then I called

Lindsey at 9:30 or so and we talked like we usually do. Then my dad told me to get off the

phone so I had to. And now him and my mom are 'discussing' some things... not a good sign...

I really dont see why, I call later at night so that I wont be monopolizing the phone line

(and we freaking have call waiting incase for some reason someone beeps in at 11 at night),

I'm spending my own money on calling, so its not like they are paying. Gall, it just doesn't

make sence, but I can shoot down whatever fake reason they come up with until they come out

and say why they really dont want me on the phone.

Here is the ironic thing though, a while back my dad told me that if I wanted to talk to my

friends, I should do it on the phone so I could get off the computer... hmm look where that

got me.

Then my parents are discussing the rules on 'dating', so this should be interesting to see

what they come up with (lol, shut up Blake ).

Anywho, I am a little pissed right now and I'm planning out how exactly I am going to work

this all out...


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Saturday, February 21, 2004

Finally, it was Friday. Started off the day with a History test (which I got a perfect on,

I was like holy crap...) then coursed through the day. Finished off the day with nothing

too special, like usual. Then argued online for a bit (gall I gotta stop). Practiced my

chords, and thats about it. Then John called me and we went to go see Haunted Mansion (which

got terrible reviews, but I was bored so we went to see it anyways.) Sean and Jared came

too. Then after the movie, we played basketball and MTG for the rest of the evening (until

about 9:45). Went home and talked to Lindsey (which wasn't as fun as last night... lol, I

dont know if I dare post what I wrote about last night on my weblog). I don't know what I am

going to do tomorrow, I really wanted to go see Lindsey but I don't see how thats going to

happen. Maybe there can be some miraculous way that it will happen, but who knows. Most

likely we will work on the basement tomorrow.

Well thats my day, I don't know whats up with me, I just don't feel very well right now...

I'll sort it all out though, probably by talking to Jordan, who is really the only person I

can talk to other then Lindsey. Though I maybe will just fix it all on my own. Who knows, I

am too tired to think more then one thing anyways.

Oh well, I will sleep on it I guess.


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Thursday, February 19, 2004

Went to school like I normally did. Day was just going as expected. Then I told Mr. Moon

that I wasn't going to district. He pretty much said "your going and thats the end of it" He

found a way around all of my excuses though... So I ended up calling my mom and telling her

to check me out (because I still had work to do...) Worked my butt off for three hours to

get it done then went to P.G. High to drop it off. Came back and went to guitar lessons till

5, then I had like 5 min at home before I left to go back to district science fair.

I really didn't want to go at all, but I am glad I did because it was actually quite fun.

Stood around while the projects were being judged then we got ask questions about our

projects. Did that till about 8 or so, then everyone was allowed to leave their projects and

go venture off to go check out everyone elses projects. I ran into Kimball there (he went to

see his brother). We hung out for the rest of the time while we waited for the award

ceremonies and talked about various random subjects (and for those of you who really know

Kimball, you can imagine some of the topics...).

We just walked around and stuff, found a paper mache rock, and Kimball was singing down the

halls (which I didnt appreciate as much as I know some of you would)

After a while, we went into the gym for the awards ceremony where I met Kimball's cousin

(she was a hottie, but she just wasn't Lindsey of course). We stood by the back wall and

talked for a while while the awards were going on. I didn't end up winning (which is

somewhat of a relief, though the next level had money...shoot). Anywho, so we just stood by

the back wall the whole time and talked and she swiped my armband (which was tricky to get

back.). After things slowly died down, I went to pick up my project. Mr. Moon pulled me

aside and informed me that I had gotten a 95, and another judge gave me a 35 simply because

they didnt like my project. I could tell that Mr. Moon was a bit pissed while I was fine .

It was kinda funny though. Eventually, my dad came and picked me up. Then he ask how it went

and all, and I said alright and told him bout it. Lindsey tried to call me but I of course

wasn't there (Sorry Lindz... I'll "make it up to you" ). And by the time I got back, it was

too late to call, oh well... I can always call her tomorrow.

Well, its ten fifty and I have geometry to do, showers to take, and Lindsey to dream.

G'night people


PS: Kudos to Blake and Brent for making it to the next level! You guys rock, your the kinda

guys who will change the world some day

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Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Today was an alright day. A typical 'A' day.

Well, that enough about school, fast forward to the end of the day.

I talked to my friend, who was really upset with me about something, I had no clue what...

After about an hour and twenty min or so of arguing, finally we got it figured out. I talked

some more online and then went to mutual.

Our activity for the evening was a fun one, I dont know if it really had a purpose or not,

but we had a competition to see who has the best self disipline. We knelt down and stuck our

arms out and held hymn books for as long as we could (I screwed that one up) and no one

could talk while the two people were knealing there or they lost their shot at the ten bucks

that was for the winner.

Second activity was to sit in a chair for as long as you could without moving or talking at

all. After about ten minutes of this, everyone was out except for two people (one of them

being myself). Then we had to look at each other, after about two min at that, we had to

stick our hands out, did that for a while (gall, your arms are heavy after a while), then we

had to do all that while staring at each other and not blinking. The not blinking was

extremely hard... my eyes were going all blurry and I almost lost, but of course I needed

the ten bucks so I could call Lindsey, so I won

I'm not like extremely proud of myself or anything, I was just happy I got ten bucks for

going to mutual. And now I can talk to Lindsey on the phone for like 3 more hours. Good

enough for me.

Anywho, finished off the night talking to people online some more. Called Lindsey and she

could only talk for ten min . So we had a little fun, at least I got to talk to her today


I think I have started going towards the Jessie route. The drama is slowly starting to get

to me. Every day I come home and something is wrong with someone (or multiple people). Not

that I dont enjoy helping, I am just starting to see why Jessie feels the way she does .

Also, I would like to get a list of things cleared up. *ahem*

First off, I will write whatever I want in my weblog. It's not here so you can critisize how

I think about everything. This is me writing in this, and some people may like a particular

part of a post while others dont. Its not specifically created for your guy's entertainment.

Thats simply an after thought for me (though I hope most of you enjoy ). This is who I am,

and I won't change anything. This is my one place to say whatever I want about anything I

want without any criticism from the peanut gallery while they judge how I think or act.

Please, just keep it to yourself. No "your such an idiot for doing this" or "I cant believe

you think like that" or all that crap. Simply read and if you disagree with something, don't

tell me about it. It's my life, I will do what I want as opposed to other people telling me

what to do or how to think. You can stick to controlling your own life. I love and

appreciate CONSTRUCTIVE comments or opinions about events in the day. Not some of the crap I

have gotten. Tell it to my face, not on the weblog.

Second on my list of getting things out, I am never comparing myself to anyone or anyone's

situation. I don't think I am better or worse then anyone else in the world and if I

complain about something small (like not getting to see Lindsey, though its big for me!) and

your great grandmother just died or something, dont think that I don't care about you! I

really am not trying to compare my situations to anyone elses and then having them say

"Well, you have no place to complain because I have some worse situation then you". Because

gueranteed, one of you out there will have something in your life that is worse then me

complaining about something small (well, small to you).

Third, I really understand now how few of you actually really know who I am. I really wish

some of you could read me like an open book sometimes, because none of you know who I really

am. None of you know some of the things I have been though (and its because I choose not to

share) so there may actually be some situation that you are in where I could have pipped up

and added in my two cents about how my situation was so much worse then your

boyfriend/girlfriend leaving you or something like that.

Everyone's life is dramatic, we all have problems, our moments, and we all need to vent. I

am sick and tired of people judging me for the way I feel and think. No one has room to say

that they are better then anyone else or that their situation is more important then anyone

elses becase there is always someone else in the world who is worse off then you are. Maybe

even the person you are "complaining" to (whoever that may be) has a problem larger then

yours and is worse off then you are.

Fact is, I am who I am. If I need to change myself or try to change anyone else to make a

friendship work out, then its not worth having a friendship. This is true in any

relationship, be it with a friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, whoever. No one should ever need to

change who they are for someone else, and no one else should change who you are. Of course,

knowing your faults helps make you a better person because you can fix your problems, but

changing who you are to please someone else? Thats just insane in my opinion.

Bottom line though is, I can talk and brag about Lindsey as much as I want on this weblog

and none of you can do anything about it . I love that girl to death. She has an amazing

personality and is drop dead gorgeous to boot. We have a blast together and I enjoy every

moment with her. So there

FYI everything before the bottom line didnt really have anything to do with Lindsey, so you

can put down your tourches and pitchforks and leave the poor girl alone. The bucket just

kinda tipped today with the occurance of a certain event, but this has been happening

frequently for a while. So I am not blaming one particular person for any one thing, infact,

i'm not blaming anyone for anything. Simply getting out how I feel and letting you all know

where I stand. Hopefully some of you understand me a little better now.


Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Presidents day was today, so a day off of school (yipee!). I went to my grandma's house

earlier this morning and worked. Plans to meet Lindsey would have worked, had I been home

about 10 min earlier...

Anyways, so that fell through again unfortunately... Gall it seems like we'll never be able

to do anything together. She will be here in two weeks though, even if I have to carry her

here (lol, wouldnt that be fun, tiring after walking that long though). I talked to her for

like 3 hours today though, which of course was fun. I don't think I will disclose any of our

conversations. Reason number one being Jessie's eyes falling out from rolling in the back of

her head so much .

Anywho, (inside joke) I played FF:CC with John for like 5-6 hours today. So pretty much

another day of Lindsey and FF:CC.

On a last note, I wanted to say sorry to someone (you know who you are. No Kara, its not you

this time). I should have been there for you, I guess I just didn't see what was going on or

I would have helped out as much as I could. If you need me for anything, don't hesitate to

ask. But I can't do anything about the problem, and neither can anyone else if no one knows

how you feel! You just gotta be a little more open (but not as open that you turn into a

drama queen like me ) and I sure as heck will be willing to listen and help in any way I

can. If life sucks right now (and we all have had moments where life sucked, some of us in

one right now) we can figure out a way to make it less sucky

I also read an amazing poem, er sonnet, or something. Gall who knows how you say it or what

specifically it is. I think that you really need to post it somewhere (your welcome to here

cause I think it would be awesome!) anywhere, cause that was good stuff. I was actually

trying to see if I could figure out a tune to turn it into a song (hehe, cause thats just

the kinda guy I am).

Anyways, its 11:45 and I have school tomorrow so I will get to bed and talk to you alls



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Monday, February 16, 2004

Today I went to church and stuff, the usual. Talked to Lindsey for a few hours too. We can't

go see each other tomorrow (awww.... ) so thats post poned for a bit, no clue what I will

end up doing tomorrow. Oh well. I NEED TO SEE LINDSEY (this is where Jessie tells me to quit

whining and suspence with the drama).

Speaking of drama....

Today was like the most dramatic day of my life (this evening). I listened to a million

people about a million different things. Gall everyone has so many problems. I have heard

the same side of a story like 3 different times from 3 different perspectives. It's kinda

interesting to see how everyone pieces everything together. From everyone, you can pretty

much predict what will happen before it does. (haha, a tactic that Jessie and I use all the


Anyways, had an "interesting" conversation with Kara and Jessie *shudder*. Learned some

stuff from Jessie that I didn't know before... And finished off the night writing in this.

Not too much to say really. I finished a picture from a different perspective (back) just

for fun to see if I could.

I am a little tired, so I think I will make this a short one. Summing the day up is easy,

flirted with Lindsey all day, and talked to 11 different people online at the same time...

*yawn* goodnight


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Sunday, February 15, 2004

Hey peoples, today was V-Day. I woke up to a bunch of candy from my sweet mother (she is

awesome ) and she gave me a MTG fat pack earlier in the week. If only everyone was as nice

to me as she is

Anyways, I called Lindsey fairly early in the morning (told you I would Lindsey, that

deserves bonus points ) so we could figure out if we could meet up somewhere and do

something. Unfortunately, her mom had taken off to Provo earlier for something. If I had

only called her earlier...

BTW, for those of you who don't know Lindsey, she lives in Heber, but we all know that she's

a Florida Girl at heart

We talked about various things and just flirted up a storm like we normally do and talked

about all the things we were going to do the next time we saw each other .

Anyways, plans with her didn't work out for today, so we are planning on doing something

possibly Monday (hopefully). So we can pretend that its New Years and Valentines all over

again on Monday (inside joke, for all 2 of you who probably got that).

Also, if Trish and my plan works out, we may have a little get together Monday evening. Like

a movie or something, either at the theature, or someone's house. Anyways, its in the works

right now, but we are all spur of the moment people anyways, so it will all work out, or it

wont simple as that.

I feel a little poor right now, I have 3 bucks to my name, which I plan on blowing on a

booster come Monday (or if I go to the mall, I could go to hot topic, hehe). So I need some

other scheme to make money, most likely via ebay. Trick is finding something to sell. Oh

well, I always find a way, I just need to make sure I have fundage in time for PSO:III.

Hehe, I am really enjoying my last purchase of my home theature system though. Its quite

nice, LOTR sounds amazing on it, and its fun to blast Something Corporate and Linkin Park

over it. I have had some fun tinkering with it all day long.

John came over and we played FF:CC with, oh yes, my new surround sound system. (It wasnt as

amazing as I wanted it to, FF:CC isnt Dolby Digital Surround Sound Enhansed). Lindsey called

like at 5:20 and we talked some more while I kept playing with John. He had to go about 20

min later and I continued talking to Lindsey for a little bit. Eventually she had to go, so

I talked online with Trish for a while. We had an interesting conversation, then she had to

leave then my parents took off for some dance they had been invited to so I watched my

little bro (which he was amazingly good tonight, so it was easy). Talked to Jessie, Mattie,

Jordan, and Blake for a bit tonight while listening to various songs on my surround sound

system (if you cant tell, I love that thing).

And then I polished off the evening listening to Something Corporate while reading Megatokyo

and 8-bit Theature, and now I might take a walk to Sinclair. Just waiting for Lindsey to

call me (again) and that finishes up my V-Day.

I have really been slacking off this week, like no new pics infortunately... I have been

busy and lazy. I may do one tonight just for fun. Who knows.

Hope you all had an amazing valentines day and were able to spend it with your "loved ones"


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Saturday, February 14, 2004

Today was V-Day to some extent. Not too bad, not amazingly awesome either (cept for the end

of the night with Lindsey, but more on that near the bottom, lol). Got up at like 7:50...

barely made it to school on time (actually, I was a little late, but Mr. Write is cool so he

let it slide ). Had a "party" in History (consists of doing whatever you want for 1 1/2

hours). Didnt really do too much, just wrote Kara a note cause I was bored. Made it through

the rest of the day. Stole a rose from Skyler and gave it to Kara. You know, the usual.

I ended up buying my surroud sound system (WHOPEE!!!) and spent the majority of the night

setting it up as well as rewiring my whole room. For those of you who have seen my room, how

everything is connected to each other someway. like my computer, game systems, everything,

is connected to my receiver, making rewiring a difficult task...

While I was doing that, the 9th Grade Dance was going on. No, I didn't try to sneak in

unfortunately. I heard that Mr. Wright ended up break dancing and from an unidentified

sorce, he "is a sexy man"... Hmm I dont want to touch that one...

Finished off the night talking to Kara and Jessie. Not to sound like I am comming on to you

or anything Kara, but you looked like REALLY hot tonight. I was like DANG!

*ahem* anyways...

Finished off the evening talking to Lindsey, she didn't get to be with anyone for Valentines

either so we ended up being each other's Valentines. Thats the kinda people we are, "spur of

the moment, flirt with each other all the time" kinda people. I really really need to go see

her, I wish I could tomorrow, but I most likely won't be able to. Though it would be really

sweet to see her, especially on V-day. I have a bunch of "bonus points" to cash in so I can

get my wish (lol, inside joke. Sorry I lost some of you there). We need to like go see a

movie or something.

Anyways, I know I lost Jessie right there with that last paragraph (Sorry Jessie). But its

like 11:55 and I am "borrowing" Hybrid Theory from Mitch, so I better get to bed. I actually

better finish setting up my room, hmm, decisions, decisions...

FYI, the room I am talking about is my upstairs room, downstairs will hopefully be cleaned

out by tomorrow!

Night you guys, I still need to buy a how to draw manga book, but I used like all my money

today... I have all of 3 bucks left out of the 150 I had. Though I put like a ton of it into

savings and tithing and paying back my savings. I had about 70 bucks left after savings,

then I owed my mom 16... Then I spent the rest on my surround sound system, speaker wire,

and triple A batteries. (Oh, I saw Trish at Walmart too).


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Friday, February 13, 2004

Ok, its a little late and I am quite tired, so I think I will make this as brief as

possible. Last night I was up till like 1:30 working on my Tech Crew project, so I wasn't

able to get up in time for school today. So yet again, I skipped another day. My first task

was to clean up my disaster of a room so I could actually move. I got that done quickly,

then my uncle came over. We went to Walmart and found a surround sound system for me

(finally) and since my money hadn't made it from my paypal account to my paypal acount (the

$150.00 from the stuff I sold on ebay), we put it on layaway. I should have the cash

sometime this weekend, most likely tomorrow, so I can get it then.

After we went to Walmart, we just kinda hung around the house for a while and talked about

various things and figured out the different ways we could connect it to the receiver. We

also ended up draining out the old water softener so we can hall that piece of crap out

finally (hopefully do that saturday along with the rest of the stuff in the basement so I

can actually start building on my room).

After that, I did homework and talked online and stuff, then around 6 or so I went to John's

and we drafted (I trashed him both times, hehe thank you Memnarch) Came home about 8:30, ate

some pizza, finished my homework, then sorted out some Darksteel stuff. Hopped in the shower

and then wrote this.

Anyways, I have no particular plans for tomorrow unfortunately. I wanted to do the rose

thing (hehe, I remember when we did that for mutual back in September) cause I thought that

would be fun to give my friends who are girls a rose, just to remind them that they were

special . That kinda fell through unfortunately... I can still try I guess, hmm... I guess

we will see what happens...

9th Grade dance is tomorrow, I dont have any plans on sneaking in unfortunately... I dont

know what I will do tomorrow night, maybe go to a draft or something, who knows...

Hopefully, we have a free day in History tomorrow, so I may do some sketching then. I think

its about time for me to invest some cash into some "how to draw manga" book or something,

cause I can only draw in one perspective... Yes, definately time to invest.


Wednesday, February 11, 2004

I woke up late today, well, not too late. But anyways, I made it to school and stuff. Walked

out with Trish to math (Kimball wouldn't walk with her. You better whip that boy into shape

Trish, keep him on a tight leash ) and then was late for Tech Crew again (though I dont

think she marked me! Yay!)

Rest of the day I trudged through slowly, waiting till I could get home and finally play

Final Fantasy Crystal Chronicles (hehe, obsessive? I think so. Though, surprizingly, I still

have a life.) I really don't play games too much anymore, but when I do, I make it count.

Example, 5 hours of FFVII last Saturday. I really only played for bout an hour tonight


Had an etiquite dinner for Mutual tonight. It was alright, we ate like stew and stuff and

had older widows in the ward come as well. It was alright I guess. I didnt sit by any of the

older people because the tables were mostly taken. So I sat with the bishop.

Then I got home and worked on homework... which I am still in the process of working on

now... *sigh* whopee. Though one assignment is to draw a book cover with the main character

on the front. So I took advantage of this to do the 4th sketch of Kairi, hopefully this one

will turn out the best. I plan on scanning it in sometime tomorrow, but I started it (and

may possibly finish it) tonight.

And as a final note, Stake Dance on the 28th of February so you all should come (well, all

you who are in AF and are older then 14).

Well, I have to finish off this sketch tonight I believe, so I will go and see you guys



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Monday, February 09, 2004

Alright, today was a typical Monday nothing too special happened. Went to school and that

whole deal (its kinda weird without Kara there, hmm weird isnt the right word. Lets say

"different"). Just kinda hung around today and crap, nothing too new and exciting.

But that all ends tomorrow *cue dramatic presentation*

For tomorrow, the wait is over... after waiting for like two and a half years.... FINAL



*ahem* alright, that was fun. I plan on doing that for most of tomorrow, probably just say

"screw homework" and do that instead...hehe. I probably should go to mutual though... hmm

decisions decisions...

Anyways, as far as getting my daily sketches done, its going to be hard this week cause I

will be so "preoccupied", but lets just pretend I will at least try .

Anyways, I am a little ticked off because I can't get freaking MSN Messenger to work for

some screwy reason... hmm... I will work on that for like 5 min, but then after that I think

I will give up and go to bed (after eating something, I havent eaten dinner yet and I got

back from Karate, so I am like extremely hungry...)

-Shane (who is extremely hungry...)

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Today, hmm, let me think a little.

I got up and kinda hung around, did some more sketches (that need critiquing!) and shoveled

snow and hung around with the family. Then I talked to Trisha and Jessie later in the

evening and I dont feel too great...kinda like I have a fever, but my temperature is actualy

lower then normal (95.something...) so who the heck knows. I most likely will go to school

tomorrow (partly because I have been gone for a bit of it anyways, taking Friday off and


Watched "Pearl Harbor" tonight. It kinda gives you a sence of how bad it was, I kinda like

seeing war movies like that just because it gives you a feeling inside of how bad it really

was... How hard times were during war and how terrible the attack on Pearl Harbor was

(though I know that the movie sure as heck didnt capture how bad it really was). I should

probably buy that movie...

Anyways, I got my $150.50 from my sell on ebay today (in my paypal account). I have some

stuff to take care of (20% deducted from tithing and savings, then I owe 60 bucks to my

savings account because I decided to go out and buy every Final Fantasy game created the day

after Thanksgiving). So I am left with about 60 bucks, which I plan to add to my "lets buy

Shane a surround sound speaker system" fund. (hehe, that will sure be a nice edition to my

room). I got to hold off a little and NOT buy a ton of Darksteel... however tempting that

may be...

Anyways, I havent showered yet and I am tired so I am headed to bed now so talk to you

peoples later. I am hopeing for an eventful week, who knows though...


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Sunday, February 08, 2004

Lazy was my theme of the day. I woke up at 9 or so to breakfast in bed from my dad (how kind

) and then hung out till my parents took off for SLC. Then I played Final Fantasy VII for

like 4-5 hours while they were gone (and did some stuff for my music vid). Tried to dig a

little more of the hole out in the snowstorm and then I hit rock so I decided to stop. I

took a walk to my grandparents (while listening to Something Corporate, those guys are

awesome). Hung out there for a little bit then went to the store with my mom. Finished off

the night around with the family and did a rough sketch (its on my page if you people want


I may actually get up a webcomic soon, I just need to start in more then one perspective of

the picture (instead of just front, hehe. I will practice with some Megatokyo stuff to try

to get it right). I need to find some book on drawing manga because my "try again till I get

it right" technique isnt as good (as well as my "I should draw with a pencil instead how I

do it now with a pen and hope not to screw up" technique) as an actual technique. So my

skills now are really limited...

Till next time, remember to do as Great Teacher Largo says:

"ph33r m7 l33t ph16ht1ng 5k1lls"


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Saturday, February 07, 2004

Alright, I finally got my webpage with all my sketches up!

Please, please, please check it out! I hopefully will be able to get a story going after a

few more weeks of sketching... but it will be soon so enjoy the sketches for now

Thank you guys so much!


Saturday, February 07, 2004

Today I was like really tired, and I didnt really feel like going to school, so I didnt . I

decided to take a day off for fun, and also so I could get some more work on my room. Aunt

Trudy ended up comming by, which was totally awesome. She totally saw how I wanted to do my

room and came up with all these innovative ideas. We are going to do like the whole room

sheeted in different kinds of metal. It's hard to describe, but Trudy knows what she is

doing . I cleared out more crap from the room (we need to hall stuff to DI and then get a

truck and take some stuff to the dump) and then dug a hole for the window well (though I

need to make it about two feet deeper, which I can do tomorrow). Anyways, my goal for

getting done by March is looking good.

Today I also got a ton of Something Corporate songs (great band, I love the song Forget

December). and then at about 2 or so went and bought some Darksteel (finally came out today)

and went and played a few games with John and Aaron, unfortunately, I didnt draft today...

oh well, maybe I will do that next week if I have time. Usually something is going on Friday

nights, but Kara had her sisters come into town and then the lucky girl is going to

California (gall, wish I could go...) so we didnt do anything this week. Tomorrow I hope to

stay home and get sometnhing done, but I dont really have a lot left to do till we get a

truck and pick up the crap and hall it off. So all I can really do is dig the hole...

I dont know what I am going to do tomorrow, I will find something fun though, I usually

do... I dont know why but I am really tired right now... *yawn* so I better finish this up

and get to bed. Though I really want to sketch some stuff out tonight... hmm, decisions,


Then I still gotta finish the work I missed today, and then work on the geometry video



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Thursday, February 05, 2004

As far as school goes, today was a typical B day, nothing really happened new at school. Did

the ususal crap I do, nothing new unfortunately.

Went to the orthodontist after school and I finally dont need to use my rubber bands


Got home at like 4 or 4:45 ish and worked on my music video (almost got that one). I still

need to record vocals and do some editing, but the hard parts over (I hope).

Tonight I pissed a number of people off (and hurt some others...), you know who you are, and

I would just like to say sorry for that. I have had a sick feeling in my stomach all


I still dont feel right for some reason, something is wrong and I still dont know what.

Jessie apparently still thinks I do... But I really dont understand why I feel the way I

do. Gall, life is just messed up sometimes. I can make it through though. There are a

handfull of people I can usually talk to if something is wrong, but tonight I really couldnt

talk to any of them for some reason. I didnt really feel like asking anyone to help me or

even talking ot anyone. I think there are those times that you need to fight alone. I have

no clue what the heck my problem is, but I was really being a jackarse tonight (editing for

all of you cept Jessie).

Maybe I should stop worrying about someone elses fantasy and realize the one I am in...


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Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Alright, lets see, today today today, what the heck happened today?

Well, I got up and decided to socialize instead of being on time to US history. Then I went

through my classes (had to help Mr. Moon figure out how to boot from his CD rom drive, gall

it wasnt that hard...) and just made it through the day like normal, nothing special

happened really today (other then Kara got Kimball's jacket, but that isnt as important to

me as it is to her, of course).

Had to ride the bus home again (gall I hate it) and then I went to my grandpa's for like 15

or so and then went home and talked online for like 45 min or so. Then I found out that my

uncle came by and tuned my guitar (lessons tomorrow at 4, along with Karate at 7) so I

messed around with that for a little. Then I sketched out a few different emotions out to

tryi to see if I could figure those out (on to bodyshape next, for those of you who are

actually waiting for my page, give me till the end of the month to get it up, that should

give me plenty of time.) Then I like halled butt on the basement and took down all the

shelves on the walls. The hard part about it though was that the shelves were like built

into the walls and reached the ceiling, so after about an hour or so of ripping it apart, I

finally got it down Hopefully the whole room will be cleared out by Saturday and then I can

start working on the actual building of the room. Any of you who are feeling kind and would

like to send in a cash donation *cough cough* I would appreciate it. Or if anyone happens to

have one of those awesome little refrigerators, cause I think I need one of those to make me

feel happy, along with a blacklight and some christmas lights and a few more posters I can

track down, any extra speakers (or subwoofers), AV Y splitters, or anything else you think I

would need or could use

Anyways, I am off to bed, I gotta get to school earlier from now on, though I plan on

spending the next 20 min or so on some more (hehe).


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Tuesday, February 03, 2004

School again...

I was really anxious to get to school because I really wanted to talk to Kara (gall I care

about her WAY too much...) but I was late, so I didnt get to walk with her and Trish this

morning. I just plowed through the day pretty much. Geometry test was today, I bet I either

did really good, or screwed it up like the last one...

Anyways, made it through the day, and got to talk to Kara at the end of the day for a short

time. Then rode the bus home with Aaron (I hate the bus...) and went to my grandparents to

work for a while. Got home around 5:30 and read more on "how to draw manga" (hehe, I drew a

really good pic today, maybe I will scan it or something later). And talked to Jessie and

Kara for a little online and then went to Karate.

I was late, which didnt help. I am like the new guy in the class so everyone is at least

yellow belt but me . I just kinda learned a little today, like some basic stuff and then how

things work.

Got home about 8 and read more on my favorite page while talking to Kara and Jessie some


Then I had a VERY interesting conversation with Trisha, Kimball, Jessie B., and Jessie J. I

think you guys are crazy. I so dont think that, and you all know it (nice suggestion though

Trish, but I gotta past on that one ). Jessie J. is the only one who knows that I don't

really, even though that Kimball, Jessie B., and Trish do. You guys beat me three to two,

hmm there has got to be someone else to back me up

Oh, I know, what about Kara? I bet she could back me up definately, so I guess that means

that its 3 to 3 so HA!

Well, anyways, I gotta get because my dad is telling me to get to bed, plus I have been

online too much anyways (addicted to, hehe) so I will talk to you guys later!


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Monday, February 02, 2004

Today was Fast Sunday, it was extremely difficult to be able to make it through without

eating. I am actually quite good at fasting normally, but today was hard for some reason to

be able to get through.

Talked to Kara for a little, she will be fine with a little support.

I went to my grandparents today with the rest of the family for dinner. My grandpa gave me

his guitar today too. I am way psyched out, though I have no clue how to use it properly yet

. Lessons start on Wednesday.

Tonight was very, very interesting. Between Jessie and Jordan, I figured out that my life is

almost perfect. And now that I think about it, it really is... Its amazing. There is like

nothing wrong at all in my life right now. No major problems (other then homework).

Socially, I am doing great, school, I am doing great, faith wise, I am doing great, friend

wise, I am doing great, family wise, I am doing great, and finding fun stuff to do so I am

not bored, yet again, doing great. I have no real problems to worry about and no areas that

I need to improve on, save one. the "relationship" section of my life. I haven't been in a

relationship with anyone for the past 3 months or so. I kinda miss that feeling. I know I

cant like go out "hunting" for someone, things like that just kinda happen. when I find

someone, I will know, or they will let me know (haha, like when kara 'let me know').

Eventually that part will fill itself in. If I can get that part to fill itself in before

something goes wrong with my life, then I think I can claim that my life is the best it has

ever been,

But of course, whenever I say things like this or feel things like this, something

tragically goes wrong... I hope no one dies or hates me or anything soon...

Gall, that kinda sounded like I am full of myself. Sorry people... I know there are people

out there who are so much worse off then I am, and have been that way for quite a long

time... you know who you are... If you ever need my help, I am here for you (Kara, this isnt

refering to you for once, though I am here for you as well).

I guess all I can do now is help everyone else, right?

Tomorrow is the start of Karate, and I ride the bus home with Aaron (I hate the friggin bus)

and then go work at my grandparents. I made about 20 bucks more today on my bid. I really am

quite happy with my life right now, its awesome. I am SO SORRY if it sounds like I am

bragging or anything you guys, I feel terrible if I sound like I am gloating, please forgive

me for that.

Kudos to Jamison for pointing out its my new favorite webpage! I love

Manga, its great. That has kept me going for a few days now . I really need to learn how to

draw like that. I finally figured out how to properly draw eyes today in church (lol, I

know, I am terrible, doodling durring the lesson, though thats not as bad as someone I know

who has checked out guys during the sacrement *cough*)

Well, I have to still get in the shower, work out, read some more on and find some

place to stop on Mega Tokyo (so addicting, I cant stop reading up to 354 pages in the last

two days) So I will catch you guys later!


Sunday, February 01, 2004


Loved once

Lost now

She's gone

A tear runs down your face

There you are and so is she

Waiting for a word from you

Heart is breaking, World is stoping

Tears quietly fall to the ground

Is this comming

From the one who loved you

Less then a week before

Eyes glisten and tears fall again

She cares for you, just not the way

You longed for and once lived

Can you in turn care for her

Or does her sight still hurt you

A fear in your heart is awakened

You are alone again

Your heart gives in to darkness

And there you have withdrawn

She tries to tell you she is happy

But hurt that she caused you pain

Tries to tell you it is simple

And can't see why you still cry

You shed tears

For you have lost

The love that you once had

Eyes close and the pain comes again

Tormented by the thought of her

Dancing accross your mind

Hole in your heart, just grows larger

And tears quietly fall again

You seek her smile

Seek her touch

Wish more

To hold her again

You knew this would happen

Someday it would end

Is the pain worth the love

Shadows dwell in you

Now you must decide

Is enjoying a lie

better then the pain of truth

The shadow grows again

Days go by

Time goes on

No more love

Shadows grow again

You remember her

All that you loved

And it is now away

The fantasy ends


What does it mean

Is it the same

For everyone

You still don't see

How you'll go on

Without her soft touch

Giving you strength

Now you are alone

Simply alone

No thoughts or feelings

And tears fall to the ground

-Shane Seagle

Wrote this a while back, and when I looked for it on, I realized that part of

it was missing (the part selected for editors choice, published twice, ect). I also didnt

have any copies on my computer, so I decided that I beter retype the missing part so I can

have the whole thing together finally! I know that there are some of you out there (David

Youd) who haven't seen it yet and have been bugging me to. This seems like an opportune time

to do it too...


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I think that was the longest post I have ever written, Kudos points to me!


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There isnt a ton to say today, it was a little depressing and I have been thinking a lot

today. Around noonish, I talked to Kimball and he told me everything and what he needed to

do. He didnt know how to tell Kara. He actually wanted me to tell her that he was breaking

up with her (there is no way in heck that I could ever do that to her). So he just asked me

to read the email he was going to write her and make sure it was ok, so I proofed it and

reluctantly sent it to Kara...

I felt terrible for her after that. I dont even know why I do this, possibly because I know

the pain that she is going through and how terrible it is. It takes quite a while to be able

to recover and move on, but until then, its a feeling that is always in the back of your

mind that torments you endlessly until you can move on and realize that its going to be


So I tried to call her to see how she was doing. I couldnt get her at first because she was

on with Jessie, and then I talked to her for all of 10 min. She didnt sound to good for the

time I was talking to her, but she wasnt as bad off as I was afraid that she may have been

(thankfully). We just casually talked about it while she gathered her thoughts and tried to

construct a conversation while telling me that she understood how I felt when she dumped me

and was sorry for it.

Jessie, I can't not help her out. I can't watch her be like this. I definately am going to

be there for her. I have to be...

I know way too much about everyone and their situations before everyone else did. I knew

about Trisha and everything she felt. I knew how Kara felt about Kimball (obviously,

everyone else did too). I knew how Kimball felt about both Kara and Trisha (one reason I was

able to draw a conclusion that I didnt have a chance with Trisha quite a whlie back) and I

was able to piece it all together... though Jessie and I knew exactly what would happen from

the beginning... and did.

Jessie, my bet was off by two days... and I still dont feel good about it.

Though, after talking to Kimball, I know that it needed to happen and why it needed to

happen. He still cares about Kara and what happens to her very much, but there is no way he

could live the lie of being with her when he didn't feel that way anymore. You can't

controll how you feel, its simply impossible to pretend that you love someone when you truly

love someone else. And those who pretend end up even worse off. It always seems like when

you truly seem happy, the world screws you over. I guess you always got to remember that

someone is always worse off then you are.

But thinking on it, all relationships with anyone at this time in our teenage years end up

in pain for someone, and the more close you are to each other, the harder it is. So I guess

you need to decide, is the pain worth the love? Personally, I have decided that I am willing

to take the pain, because without pain, there is no joy. And having someone love you is one

of the few things in life worth that pain that is caused when you know its over.

Well, that was an interesting insight of how I feel and how everyone else does, tonight

brought up a lot of memories from what I had to go through 3 or 4 months ago. And now

thinking that someone else would have to go though that is terrible, so I will do whatever I

can to help. I mean, its my job as Kara's guardian angel, right ?

Well, today between the other major events was me cleaning out the basement. I am like

kicking major arse on this project, I am quite proud of myself and how quickly its getting

done. I almost have the entire room cleaned out (probably one more day is all I need) then I

need to get the actual building of the room done, My goal for March is looking good!

Well, this next week is going to be the start of my hecticness. Tomorrow is Fast Sunday,

Monday is working at Grandpa's, getting my guitar, Karate and more working on the basement,

Tuesday is mutual and oh yes, more working on the basement. Wednesday is my holy shiz I am

busy day. Guitar, Sister's Fencing Lessons (when I go to the mall and hang out at Hot Topic

and Games People play for a while), and Karate lessons. Which all ends at, oh yes my

friends, 8 o clock. Which means I dont get home till 8:30 or 9, and then I need to still eat

that day and do my homework, and work on the basement some more! *whew*

Thrusday is my break for the week, I hope... I think it is simply a standard day, so

homework and basement work prety much. And Darksteel is releaced on Friday (so that either

means that I will go out and blow my money on like two tourney packs, or something of that

nature) and I may do some kinda Friday Night Ritual like I have done the last two weeks with

everyone. Then Saturday, will be some recovery from the events of a Friday night, or

Saturday night MTG at Aarons (hopefully with the releace of Darksteel). Then Final Fantasy

Crystal Chronicles comes out on Tuesday (10th), so I want to have a party with a bunch of

friends to be able to play that on Tuesday possibly. And all of this requires money that I

am running slim on...

But everyone knows me, I cant stay broke for too long. Thats why I am yet again ebaying more

stuff so I can have more money to play with. I made an increase of a whoping 42 bucks with

99 people who have already looked at it


3AMEASE%3AIT&rd=1 for you non believers out there, I know who you are...).

So, now that I have my life filled with tons of fun events, and money to fuel it with, it

looks like things are going good for me (not trying to brag or anything). And I have been so

inspired by, that I am also going to start working on Manga as well and I

should have a new webpage up with something of the likes soon! Even if it isnt animated, I

think I will branch off on some writing with the likes. And then I still have my music video

to do... Gall people, I am freaking busy!!!

Well Blake, this tops Friday's post I believe, so enjoy.


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Saturday, January 31, 2004

Just a quick question for you all. Who knows of any female punk rock vocalists? I just

thought this up tonight and realized that there are like zero off the top of my head...

Though many of you (Jessie and Kara) would probably be able to think of at least one! Please

leave the name of the vocalist and the band in the comment box of this entry, or email it to

me! Thanks!!!


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Today was mostly just a kinda kick back and relax day. I didnt really do anything till

Mikelle's at 5 (cept for Kara with her webcam and the tanktop but we wont go into that).

Just kinda hung out around the house and stuff. Played with my little brother (who had to

get a bunch of shots today, poor guy). Then at 5 (ish, I was a bit late...) I went to


Started off the evening twenty minutes late. I saw Kimball walking to Mikelle's so I decided

to join him. We got there and realized that the only person there was Kara (and Mikelle of

course). So we just waited in Mikelle's room with Kara till Trish and Beth came. Played with

Kara's hair clip till I broke it , whoopse. Sorry Kara, I owe you now.

After Trish and Beth finally showed up, we walked to Sinclair to get some sugar for the

evening. Most of the time I hung back with Kimball and Kara (gall, Mikelle, Beth and Trish

like flew there). We slowly got there, while talking about various random subjects, from

hobos, to what we would do if Kara got hit by a car the subjects were all random. But hey,

we are all random people right?

On the way back, Beth and Mikelle walked up front while Trish and Kimball hung in back and

Kara and I were just kinda in the middle. Talked about more random subjects, while Kara and

I noticed Kimball and Trish... I seriously dont know what the heck Kimball is thinking.

When we got back, we started the movie. I really didnt watch it too indepth because we were

all talking to each other during most of it. I got the general jist of it though. It wasnt

like amazing or anything (the Goonies) but it was alright.

After the movie, more random subjects and talking. Just listened to music and hung out.

Trish and Kimball were still flirting a bit the whole evening. But for the most part, he was

with Kara (which is where it should be, concidering he is going out with her). This kinda

ticked me off that he was with Trish instead of Kara (not the fact that he was with Trish

and I wasnt, I was more worried about Kara). I know Trish wont give up on Kimball until he

is hers. She just like cannot let go at all, so I know I have like zero chance with her. So

I majorly question if I will even try. She wont be able to have a successful relationship

with anyone if she truly likes someone else, so even if I did make it work out between us,

her truly wanting Kimball would just make the relationship go down the drain. Plus on top of

that, we dont know each other extremely well. So friendship really is the best thing to stay

with right now.

But if Kimball hurts Kara by leaving her and going for Trish, I may just kill the guy.

Anyone who hurts my friends is in for it .

I dont know how that whole issue resolved tonight between Kara and Kimball, but it really

isnt any of my business anyways. I tend to worry too much anyways. So Kara, if you are

reading this and saying to yourself "Why the heck does that stupid idiot care so much?" I

know I do . I always worry about you. Its part of my job.

My dad ended up picking me up at about 10:15 ish so I had to leave then. Trish and Beth were

sleeping over at Mikelles tonight and I have no clue what time Kara and Kimball left (I was

the first to leave).

Well, its 12:13 in the morning, so I think I better get to bed cause I am a bit tired. All

and all it was a fun night, hopefully we can do something similar once every week!


Friday, January 30, 2004

Finally, it was the last day of school for this week! (we get tomorrow off!). Just kinda

coasted through the first two periods as normal and then we had this really awesome workout

in PE where we went up and used the weight system for a while. It's really great, I can't

wait till I can take weightlifting in highschool. I dont know why I like working myself as

hard as I can. I guess whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger . I was spazzy like all

day today, it was kinda scarry... but I was awake and happy and I guess thats the best part.

And this time, I wasnt even loaded up on caffine and sugar.

Polished off the day with Keyboarding, which I didnt do too well in today... My speed was

like slipping into the high 60s and 70s when its usually 80s and 90s (WPM, for those of you

who care, which is few) Then after school I met my "two hug per day quota" .

Worked on my Geometry project while talking to Trish for most of it. After I got done, I

went to the basement and started cleaning it out.

I came accross my mom's journal from when she was in Jr High (actually, she went to the same

Jr. High I do, AFJH). Its really interesting to see what she writes and how she thinks. She

was like obsessed over this guy named Kendal (hmm, sounds like someone I know...) and she

talked about her best friend Kara and Sheree (hmm, also sounds like a certain someone I

know. I seriously am not lying about the names! I kinda found that funny, Kara Sheree). It

was really awesome to see what she thought during that time. It is in someways similar to

how things are now, and also VERY different at the same time.

But now about 1/2 of the basement is cleaned out so I should be able to be done by Saturday

hopefully. Then I got to sketch out some drafts of how I want to physically design my room,

any cool little features that would be cool to add. Please send any ideas my way.

Mikelle's cool little movie thing is tomorrow at 5, so that should be fun.

I have about two weeks to meet my goal so hopefully that will work out well! Hoping for the



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Thursday, January 29, 2004

Ok, last night I was too tired to be able to write so I am writing for both days tonight.


Finally got DSL router, nuff said

THURSDAY THE 29th (Today)

Late for Tech Crew today (she actually marked it this time so I wont be able to do that too

much anymore) and just made it through today. Tomorrow is the last day of school for this

week and then we get Friday off. Today after school, I just worked on homework and went to

Gamestop, then went to Johns for an hour or so. Came home and worked some more, then I

finally deided to screw working so I played Final Fantasy VII for the first time in a long

time. Tomorrow I can (hopefully) start cleaning out the basement, and be done by Saturday!

Well, its about time I got to bed, I need to get to sleep earlier tonight then I usually do

so I can be less tired tomorrow.


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Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Today was a monday. Thats pretty much it. I went to school, didnt have lunch money so I got

to skip lunch . Then I just kinda made it through the rest of the day. I went to my

Grandpa's after school and worked there too. Then I came home and just kinda hung around

with my family. I cant wait till I can get my freaking room I am making in the basement

done. I hope to have it cleaned out by the end of this weekend so the actual building can

start. And of course, I am wiring it for surround sound .

My internet usage is somewhat limited because my dad is using the DSL for work, and I dont

have a router so we can share the DSL yet, but I promise I will try to get one soon! I have

the cash, its just a matter of being able to go and get it. My dad agreed to pay half (so

about 35 bucks each) since he can benefit from a wireless router (In truth, I can too

because I am moving into the basement). Not too much going on right now in life, just kinda

quiet...too quiet (jk).

Next week is when all my activities start, Guitar, Karate, ect. So I am still looking

forward to that! Its noce not to be busy I guess, but its not extremely exciting. A break is

nice though . The only school related projects that I have going right now is the music

video (Brent, since I am stuck with vocals, I get to pick the music. I can do all the sound

recording and sound/video editing as well, as long as you can do video recording ) and then

finish a Novel Portfolio. Whopee...


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Monday, January 26, 2004

Today was basically chuch and then hanging out at home and talking online in the evening.

Bishop said that he would take anyone who memorized D&C 90:24 (I reccomend it for any of you

who are LDS or have a copy of the Book of Mormon & Doctrine and Covinents). So I memorized

it durring church today.

Then when I got home, I just hung around and read basically, nothing too exciting. Then we

FINALLY choose a movie to watch on Thursday (but apparetly, Mikelle doesnt know yet...) so

that should be fun. Talked to Trish tonight and finally figured some things out (VERY GOOD

THING, sorry I mentioned it Jessie. Sorry about being an idiot tonight too ).

My goals for this week are to freaking buy my wireless router (computer people out there

know what I am talking about) and clean out the basement so I can build my room there! My

goal is to move in by March, so hopefully I will get done by then! I get my accoustic guitar

(from my grandpa) sometime this week hopefully too (electric comes after I learn ) Then

Guitar lessons and Karate start up next week! Should be fun!


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Sunday, January 25, 2004

Well today was not too eventful (compared to yesterday). I just hung around the house till

around 1 or so and my dad and I moved Sister Dawson's dryer (however you spell it). Then we

went to Salt Lake for lunch-dinner (or something) at Grandma Marie's and stayed there for a

while. I slept a lot of the time because I was tired for some strange reason. And then we

just went home and I hung out there too, and tried to fix my old computer. Then I took ALL

the posters off my walls and re arranged them so now they look even more cool . Maybe

someday I will take a picture or something to show you guys how incredibly awesome it is.

Well, I just rung in the new day with Trish, Mikelle, and Beth. So happy new day to you all!


Saturday, January 24, 2004

No one left me any comments this whole week


Public - 1:20 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Today I slept in again and missed most of school. I decided I would go for the last 45 min

or so (so I could go to the dance and finish keyboarding). So I went to school and made it

through to the dance. The dance was alright, I didnt get to dance with Trish like I wanted

to partly because I had other people who asked me to dance and stuff. I danced with Megan

(Gowers) and we got our picture taken for the year book whlie we danced (haha). then I

danced with McKenna (Rohas) next. She asked if I had a girlfriend and I made the stupid

decision to tell her "no" and she was like all over me all night Kinda scarry. Samantha also

was in a hugging mood tonight which was interesting.

After the dance I went to Big Fish with Trish, Kara and everyone else. It was the strangest

movie I have ever seen. I cant even describe it. Very far fetched and out there. But it was

still fun. The end of the night was the most fun I guess. Trish rested her head on me and

Mike gave her a funny glare (In respect for Jessie and that I know she doesnt want me to go

on and on about Trish the whole time, I won't expand on that)All and all it was a fun night,

we may possibly go see Lord of the Rings next week so that should be fun too! Well that

describes my very eventful day. I am tired now so I guess I will get to bed!


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Friday, January 23, 2004

For all of you know my obsession with Final Fantasy, here is a simple way to explain it



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Alright, summary of the last two days right here. Last night (technically this morning) I

stayed up till 1:35 finishing science fair... Then I woke up around 7 ish and went to school

(yesturday I skipped out on it so I could do all of my science fair, I ended up loggin in a

14.5 hour shift on it yesterday... I probably could have gotten done earlier if I hadnt woke

up at like noon).

Well, working on it was all well and good and then today I just went through school half

dead because I was so tired. Kara is now my favorite person on earth because she kindly lent

me 50 cents so I could go buy a Coke to get some caffine in my system. (your the best Kara )

so that managed to help me make it through the rest of the day alive. I was late (again) for

Tech Crew (This is like the 3rd time in a row, two of the three was walking with Trish

instead of going to class).

Talked a little with miscelanious people after school and then went to science fair. I AM SO


Or so I thought...

Well, its not over yet, because I ended up "getting" to go to District because I won this

one... so me and 24 other people out of the school are going to district. Whopee...

At first I really didnt want to do it, because that meant extra work for me (learing more

stuff to answer all the stupid questions they are going to pelt me with). But I decided why

not, and my mom finally convinced me that it looks good on a job application. When I told

Mr. Moon I didn't want to do it, he just kept whispering "money" in my ear [refering to me

being able to win money at State, though I serioulsly doubt I will be able to get to

State]... kinda creepy (Kara of all people should understand this... and how its a little


So I finally figured, why not go for it? This of course, is after a buttload of convincing

from a million people...

Came home and we took a long long while to finally decide which movie we were going to see

tomorrow. After much "debating", we decided to go see Big Fish (I could really care less

what we see nothing great is out now anyways). And then the dance is tomorrrow too, so that

should be fun (Stake dances are always so much better then school dances). So the plan for

tomorrow after school is Dance, Movie, Bed. Then there is a possibility that we could go

bowling on Saturday. Well, it is 11:09 and I am freaking tired. I hope something exciting

happens tomorrow. Some amazing exciting thing or something. I dont know, I am just hyper and

tired at the same time!


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Wednesday, January 21, 2004

I am really really tired cause it is 12:22 so I am going to sum this up EVEN SHORTER then

the last one.

Worked at school, came home, worked on science fair (talked to Trish a bit too), went to

Mutual (and ran 3 miles) played basketball, and worked on science fair until now.

I am ditching school tomorrow so I can finish science fair. wish me luck people...


Monday, January 19, 2004

Today, what about today?

I got up and then went to the Mall with John (and got my 1UP Mushroom wrist band finally!

For those of you who have not clue what the heck I am talking about, its this hehe, I want to get the

Jack Skeleton one next, lol) and then went to my Grandparents and worked over there for a

while and then I worked on my freaking sketches for Tech Crew (finally I am done with them!)

and didnt get ANY science fair work done which is not a good thing... It is due Thursday, so

I need to get it like ALL DONE tomorrow night. Completely and totally finished, though I

should have done it quite a while ago instead of the week before, but oh well I guess!

Well that was pretty much my day, another short one to add to the book of short things.

(Well, technically, I played Bowling with Kara and Jessie at 1 in the morning, so that

counts for today too right?


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Alright today I dont think I ever got out of my Sunday Clothes, infact, I am still in my

white shirt and tie.

Today was Youth Session of Conference, and then Stake Conference, and then a Youth Trek

Meeting (in which two girls wanted to dance with me, cute girls too but why they wanted to

dance with me after a meeting where there was no music, I have no idea. I know it was funny


Well, nothing too exciting, working on science fair STILL!!! (I need to get it done by

THURSDAY!) and I still have a ton of other homework to get done *tear*

Well, I think I may take all of tomorrow morning off, possibly go to the mall with John (and

swing by hot topic to get my 1UP armband )

Well, I am tired and I think I should get to bed before I die so I will log this in as one

of the shortest entrys ever!


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Sunday, January 18, 2004

Well, today wasnt extremely eventful. I went to Davids for a few hours (after I practiced a

bit with my sister with the Boken, she is getting better, its cool to see her skill

improve). We hung out for a bit and watched a little of Dumb and Dumber (because I still

hadn't seen it) and then went to Pets Mart (or soemthing like that) so Dave could get a Frog

(we were bored as you can tell). We ended up leaving with a Japanese Fire Newt or something

of the like and we talked about music the whole way up (Brad was driving, we all sung allong

to Blink 182, it was funny. I forgot that I can sing, but few of you know that little bit of

info ). We figured out the various ways we could put together a band and see how many people

we knew that we could use. It was funny, we had two electric guitarists (david, and the

other yours truly ) a base guitarist (Brad of course) and we couldnt figure out a

percussionist (and everyone with half a brain knows that Keyboards dont belong in bands so

we left them out ). We all had a good time.

I figured out that in February I am going to be super busy. I help my grandma and have

Karate on Mondays, I have mutual on Tuesdays, I have Guitar and Karate on Wednesdays and I

go to my sister's Fencing classes as well (I wanted to take Fencing so bad, but I had too

much going on already ). Wednesday nights I wont be getting home till 8 or so at night...

Thursday is my free day (or so to speak) and so is Friday and Saturday.

But I am going to be working on cleaning out our storage room so I can move into the down

stairs! Which means more work, but who cares? I can finally have my own room (wired with

Surround Sound I might add. Because, you know you can't live without it ).

Then I need to figure out something to do on Monday, I probably will go see some movie or

something, possibly with Trish but nothing too good is out now... hmm I better see whats


Well, I am going to go finish Dumb and Dumber so g'night you guys!


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Saturday, January 17, 2004

Another day.

Well, it was a typical Friday. Kara finally brought "the pictures" so I got to see those

this morning. School just continued on as usual. I was like 1 % from a 4.0... Oh well, maybe

next time.

I really pushed myself in PE today, which is a huge mistake when you are fasting. I ran hard

and pushed myself, but since I hadn't eaten or drank any water all day, I felt dizzy and

nausiated. By the time we had moved on to the next game, my eyes were diolated and I couldnt

see straight. I played the rest of the game until we moved on to Kickball. I knew I coudln't

run it so I talked to Coach Clayton (he is an awesome guy) and told him what I felt and that

I thought I felt that way because I was fasting. He told me that it would be fine to skip

out on Kickball for the day (though, I wish I could have played because it looked like a

blast). I just sat and watched everyone else play (kinda fuzzy people because of my eyes )

and talked to Coach. He is really a more sociable guy than I thought he would be which is


After I made it through PE, I went to lunch and felt great for some reason. I was energetic

again and happy and didn't feel tired like I did in the morning. I finished off the rest of

the day on a good note.

I went to my grandparents after school because my mom had to help my Grandma with something

(I was over there a lot this week) so I worked on some homework and stuff. Then we got home

around 5 ish and I talked online as usual for a bit while I worked on some more homework.

Then my mom left at 6 to go pick up my dad from the airport and I stayed at home and decided

my room needed to be cleaned. I kinda on and off talked to Jessie for a bit of the night

while I cleaned and talked to Trish for a little too. And I talked on the phone with Lindsey

for a grand total of 8 min. Happy Birthday Lindsey (*on last tuesday )

I have so much freaking homework its not even funny. Geometry and History for my "short"

assignments, Science Fair and my Tech Crew Sketches for my "longer" projects. All of my

longer projects are due Thurdsay and Geometry and History are due on Tuesday and Wednesday.

But there are too things that make the future seem a little better

Three day weekend and School Dance on the 23rd.

I need to find something to do this weekend, so if any of you guys can think of something

fun you want to do, be it a movie, bowling, egging people's houses, ect. Then call me or I

will track you down.

Speaking of calling people... I tried to call Kara a grand total of 28 times within 3 hours

tonight but the whole time it was busy. Hmm, I wonder what that means... . So apparently I

will need to talk to you tomorrow I guess.

Well, I am tired and I still need to work out tonight so I will be getting to bed now. See

you guys.


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Friday, January 16, 2004

I really dont know what to say or think right now, things just get more confusing day by


Today was a standard school day as usual. I gave Trish her hug. But thats pretty much all

for school.

Later that evening, Kara, Jessie, Trisha, Kimball, and I went to the movies (School of

Rock). It was fun but I didn't get to sit by Trisha (I thought it would be cool to talk to

her and get to know her better). I ended up sitting by Kara on the far side (so I didnt get

to sit by anyone else either ) The movie was funny to say the least, and it was fun to be

with friends, though I didnt do a ton of talking durring the movie. It was an interesting


I called Lindsey and talked to her for a bit, and then I talked to Kara online about some

stuff. I really need to talk to her tomorrow, I need to tell her something, but I dont know

what yet or how to even say it. Its just confusing I guess, and I dont even know why it

matters to me. I feel involved somehow like its part of me and I dont know why. I cant wait

until tomorrow when I can finally see her and talk to her again. I hope I get a chance alone

because it will only be then that I can actually talk to her without a mask for either of


Hopefully tomorrow will come in haste,


Thursday, January 15, 2004

Alright, I am extremely tired so this is going to be a quick one. I dont even think I will

be able to work out tonight . I had to work on costumes for Tech Crew and finish my 4

sketches tonight. two of them are sketched and colored, while the other two have been

sketched but not colored (I decided to copy them so I was able to save how good they were,

coloring ruins everything. Some things need to stay in Mono Black and White )

Today was school, did the school thing, finally figured out who Amberlyn was (Yay Lindsey!

She is in a class with me and I know who she is now!). Had to go to the mall, (got a

buttload of shirts, but the mall itself wasnt too exciting). Came home, worked on my stuff

and casually talked to people online, and now I am writing here, with the pictures finally

done (whew). I wish school would just be over with, I am sick of doing stuff and working

hard. I always do though, try as hard as I can, I question if that is a good thing or a bad

thing. Oh well, it gets me A's I guess

Well, time to take a shower and fall over and die and hope I wake up tomorrow on time. See

you guys later.


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Wednesday, January 14, 2004

Alright, my entire weblog didnt go through for somereason(todays) it was really good too!

But its 11:15 and I am tired so there is no way I am going to retype the whole thing. So I

will sum up booring parts till I get to the fun parts.

Short responces to how my day was.

School, No friends have lunch with me, Went to Grandmas, talked my mom into getting me an

electric guitar (if I stayed interested in Guitar, yay I can form a garadge band! Any of you

female vocalists out there that have a voice as amazing as Amy Lee's, please contact me!),

Haircut, Bleaching, Actually talked a little more to Trisha and got to know her a bit

better, promised Trisha a hug, Mutual, Eat Chili Dog from Sonic's, briefly talk to Jessie

and Kara, (briefly talk to Trisha), call Kara

Alright calling Kara is where it starts to get interesting. I guess this was the most fun

part of the night just because we were just able to be ourselves and have some fun just

being us. Gall we talk about the weirdest things but its a blast Gall Kara, you better bring

those pictures tomorrow.

Well, its about time I should be getting off to bed. So as a last word, I want everyone to

remember to test their Fire Alarms


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Tuesday, January 13, 2004

School was interesting today, a lot different then usual, but a good kinda different I

guess. Gave Kara's the 3 CD's I worked so hard on (you better appreciate that). and talked

for a little in the morning. Then went to Wright's class (history). I just kinda bumped into

everyone all day long. I have a class with Aaron for the first time EVER, David Youd for the

1st time this year, and David Cummings for the 2nd class this year . I dont know if I have

any classes with Megan though, I will find out tomorrow though. I have at least one lunch

with her (B day). I have zero classes with Kara or Katy or Jessica or John and zero lunches

with Kara and one lunch with John. But I still have all my lunches with David Cummings I


I deep cleaned my room today, there is still crap all over the floor and all this old stuff

all over. I read through my journal from 2001, it was very interesting as far as how I

thought and acted. I have changed a lot since then. I seem a lot more mature, and I seemed

so alive back then... Now I feel kind of dark, solemn, like back then it was a shadow of


As far as life goes, I seem to wear a mask through it. I act like everything is fine and

dandy at school, probably because I am able to have fun with my friends and forget my

problems. But when I think to myself alone at night, I remember it all again...

An inner strength grows within myself. A power that grows within my heart. A burning

passion, indescribable, uncontrollable. The power to live my life the way I want. To always

live my fantasy. Or to stay in my neverending void of darkness. My life, my


I guess that describes it best. I don't even know what I am fighting against. Some darkness

within myself that is corrupting me, consuming me. And I don't see a reason why there should

be a darkness in myself as nothing in my life is necessarily going the wrong direction at

all. Mind you, its not the right direction, but its not a wrong one.

Thats why life isnt in black or white. We make choices, decisions and we live with them in

the back of our minds. There isn't always a right or wrong answer. Someone may feel what you

are doing is the wrong thing to do, when it is actually the right, or you may feel something

is right when everyone else thinks it is wrong. Or you may have no clue where your choice

will lead you or what others will judge you for it.

To put it simply, screw those who judge you

It is your life, live it the way you want. What others think matters the least. Others

judging your decisions is a wrong thing to do. I have decided that it doesn't matter if

anyone is dissappointed in me or not. The world may be against you, but when the world turns

its back on you, you turn your back on the world.

That doesnt mean to completely forget your problems though, just to know that it doesnt

matter what people think. If I feel someone is dissappointed in my decision, of course it

hurts if it is someone I love. I have decided that is human. But you cant do anything about

it and you can't please everyone. You can't live your life trying to please others, though

you cant be selfish as to please yourself only.

I have decided the only remedy to stop this darkness, at least until I am ready to face it

and I know what it is, is to try to forget about it and ignore it, though it will never

completely go away. I have decided that my friends are far more important than I am, as are

their affairs. I would gladly give my life for many of my friends and want to do anything in

my power to help them, because thats simply the right thing to do.

My problems come last, my friends come first.


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Monday, January 12, 2004

Alright people, on to todays events.

Today was my "Play Mario Kart With Little Brother for Most of the Day" Day, which is always

fun to do. Just went to church like normal and my dad left again on a business trip. The

stupid guy from Peru still hasnt given me my 200 bucks, so my hope of getting it is slim,

and then I get to contact ebay and so they can either make him pay me my money, or punish

him. So HOPEFULLY it will come soon. Talked to Jessie and Kara as usual tonight. I think it

will be fun to watch them go shopping in 98 days, Jessie is planing on mapping out the mall,

so I imagine it will be interesting... I still need to get my 'shroom armband from Hot

Topic, which I probably wont end up getting until I go with them . Then to finish off the

night, Jessie and I made some more "Predictions" on the way Kara's life would be headed,

just for kicks (gall, we are so rude its not funny, but I apparently still have 9 bucks on

that bet)

School tomorrow and its a new schedule, and for some wack reason I have a Woman PE teacher ?

I have no clue what the heck is up with that but I guess I will find out! Going early

tomorrow so John can get his schedule and stuff so I guess I can ask questions then.

Nothing too exciting planed this week, I still need to see School of Rock, which I may

possibly see this week. And then I get my hair cut on like Thursday or something and I have

a doctors appointment on Wednesday! SO EXCITING!!!

Well, Lindsey's party is on Friday and supposedly we are going to Classic Skating so that

ought to be fun. Being able to see her and all. She got back from Florida like last week and

is back in freezing cold Utah. Gall Jordan, I think I am about ready for California! Call

Bethany and tell her (hopefully you got me that freaking email address).

Its 10:30 and I stil need to work out and then wake up at 7 tomorrow and get to school (on

time, unlike Friday, hehe) Hope you all are doing well and life is treating you good.


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Sunday, January 11, 2004

Today was alright, I woke up at like 9 or so and then talked to Kara and Jessie for a bit.

Then I went sleding with John till like 3. We went to this sucky little Lindon park place

and then we decided to do better and went to a place called Ceder Hills or something like

that. It was great, really steep and so I had no problem in filling my "Get injured once per

day" quota (so you can be proud of me Kara ). I finished the rest of the day just kinda

hanging around the house and talking to people, playied a little FFX-2. Talked to Jessie and

Elise for a little while (Kara, remind me to tell you about that, its funny ). Then I talked

to Lindsey for like 15 min at 9:30 ish. I guess the plan is to meet at Classic Skating on

Friday so that should be fun, I am looking forward to it .

Well, Monday is the start of a new term so that should be a nice change. An interesting

switch I guess. I hopefully will get to see School of Rock while its still in the Sticky

Shoe. But thats my plan for this week! Hope your guys' lives are going good! Email me and

let me know whats up!


Saturday, January 10, 2004

Alright, after watching Seabiscuit and going to bed at one, I slept in and didnt wake up

till 11.

so at 11:30 I went to school and basically spent the LAST DAY in astronomy talking (Gall

Kara, hope you get to sleep tonight...) I will kinda miss astronomy, just because its my

goof off class with my friends. Now I dont have any more classes with Kara and Katy so I

guess I will just see them arround school and stuff.

But now the day is over, and so is the Semester. we are finally 1/2 way done with School,

which means all my 9th grade friends go to high school next year . I kinda still wish I was

in 9th...

But I spent the rest of the night over at Johns till 5, then talked to Kara and Jessie

online for most of the night. Went for a run too so I could think things out.

Now I am all thought out, and I think I got my answer from fasting finally. And I am happy

with it. Hopefully it will work out for the best. I am thankful for all I have and the

amazing friends that I have who help me with my problems as well as my Heavenly Father. I

dont know what I would do without him because I am helped and blessed so much.

Goodnight you guys,


Public - 1:40 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

Friday, January 09, 2004

Today was great!

This time I am actually serious believe it or not, I dont even know what made it so great, I

was just really pumped up and energetic today! I did like a million pushups last night (at

like 11) and then I got up at 7 and read the scriptures. And then I decided to fast today so

I skipped breakfast. Then I hurried to school so I could track Kara down (But of course, by

the time I found her I forgot what I was going to talk to her about) Then I hurried to class

and sat through that crap, went to 3D Design (I wish I had that class next semester) and

ditched part of it to go play out in the halls.

Now more about the halls (No Kara, not the kind of 'halls' that we had. Jessie, shut up and

stop lauging.)

Let me tell you how fun it is to go into one of the hallways with the lockers in them (like

locker hall A, ect), start from one end, and try to kick off from one wall to the other in

mid air (and see how long you can stay in the air). I did that for a little while (Until a

Janitor saw me, then I decided it was safe to stop until I snuck down to the next hall) and

then I tried running up the side of the wall (also fun). It was like my own little Matrix .

Maybe I will try to do backflips by running on the side of a wall tomorrow.

Well, Haladay kept us in past the bell so I was late for lunch (and I missed Kara and Jess,

who decided to take another route today anyways and forget about me , jk it doest matter as

I would've missed you anyways.)

So I went to lunch, and watched my friend eat (I was still fasting) then I decided to try

the halls thing again, and I ran my hand into a door knob and it felt like it had stabbed

me... At least I had my Tetnis booster yesterday right?

So with an aching hand, I finished off the day and got a good grade on my US History test

(which means that Mr. Wright owes me an 'A') so that means one thing.

I got a 4.0 and Kara didn't (lol)

Well, the rest of the night, I went to John's (where he actually beat me at MTG TWICE! thats

like a first! But in round 3 I really polished him off ) and then I talked to Jordan and

then Kara popped on so I talked to her for a while (Jessie never got on. JESSIE! KARA STILL


And now I am about to go watch Seabiscuit so I will see you guys later!


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Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Today was very, eventful I guess you could say.

I woke up like any other day, and then was a little late to school... (hehe, at least it

wasnt like the time I was walking out to seminary with Jess J, or ditching Tech Crew with

her). Then I got to work in Tech Crew and jammed a nail into my shin. Continued the day with

a hole in my leg (and then Katy asked to see my leg, I had a LOT of fun with that one,

hehe). Gave our Astronomy presentation (98! yay!), and finished the day with English (waved

to Megan before french started, lol).

Then I went to an Orthodontist appointment (yuck) where I got my braces tightened AND I got

rubber bands on them (double yuck) and then I waited at the Docters office to get my Tetnis

booster for like 45 min and it took 30 seconds to have it. My arm is going to kill


Well, with my teeth aching, my arm aching, and a hole in my right leg, I spent the rest of

the night ripping my CD's, Talking to Kara and Jessie, and watching Brooke and Bryan. And

now I am talking to Jessie about something I should do or not... And then I plan on getting

in the shower, reading the scriptures, practicing a little knife fighting before bed, and

then go to bed and hopefully wake up at 7.

Any of you who have had a more eventful day then I have please tell me


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Yet another day of school today. Nothing too exciting happened. I have A's in all my classes

except for US History (B+ because I have a C- on one of my tests...ouch). Mr Wright said

that if I did well on the Final and it didnt quite kick me up to an 'A', he would help me to

get the A (which is yet another reason why he is such a great guy, best teacher I have ever


So hopefully, that means another 4.0 for Semester 2 I am doing well so far I guess, its not

easy though...

Well, tomorrow is 'A' day, which means it is finally time for our Astronomy Presentation (I

got an A on my webpage by the way ). Kara did most of the work on it, and I probably did the

least. But OF COURSE I asked what I could do, but Kara has seen my work on

webpages/presentations, and we all know she is better at it (and HTML) then I am.

There you go Kara, a little section dedicated to you and your amazing skills, now will you

go for the Mullet?

Well tonight I worked on homework and actually started my Science Fair project (which is in

two weeks, so much freaking WORK). Then I went to Mutual and we went Bowling for a Duty to

God requirement. I ended up winning by one point I would have won by more if FREAKING JOHN


so too bad for him

Then I went to work on cleaning and organizing a bit of the crap in my room because it

desperately needed it. I have been listening to Blink 182 - Blink 182 all day (edited) that

Dave gave me since I burned him a copy of Nickelback.

Well, I gotta read scriptures, my goal is to finish the Book of Mormon by the end of the

month, I am in Alma so far


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Tuesday, January 06, 2004

My weekend: To Hades and back.


Alright, so on Friday my computer crashed, I had to delete EVERYTHING (good thing I saved my

astronomy the night before). I put Windows 2k Pro on it again, and it wouldnt drag and drop,

copy, paste, open certain windows, internet problems, ect. Then I got XP from my uncle on,

and that didnt work for some stupid reason. Then I fixed one problem with it, and my

internet was screwy. Then I downloaded a MILLION updates and now it finally works good

enough for me

Alright Jessie, you can look again.

Well, yesterday my little sister Brooke Marie Seagle was blessed (she is a cutie). But thats

all that really happened, other then freezing cold fast offerings at 11 in the morning.

But today, was the first day back to SCHOOL! Which is a good and bad thing, one because I

get to see my friends more often, and bad because its school and that means work and that

means geometry and that means thinking!!!

Well, Kara wouldn't get a mullet if I put on mascara (long story, for those of you who dont

know, dont ask) so I guess that deal is off. The only time she is going to get a mullet is

when I have a (edited because I would prefer not to stick it on this webpage). And thats not

going to happen

Well I need to get going, ready for bed and then school again tomorrow! *sigh* Hope your

guy's lives are going great!


Saturday, January 03, 2004

Today was interesting to say the least. I finally told Kara how I felt (after a ton of

pushing from Jessie). I knew that she already knew what I was about to tell her, I dont even

see now why I did. Though, she got the satisfaction of knowing that she was right . I guess

you cant control how you feel right? I will eventually get over her, its will just take

time. I hope we can just stay friends the whole time because thats all I want. No matter

what I dream about, I know what I want.

Alright, that sounds kinda stupid and cheesy. sorry I lost a bunch of you there.

Today basically was hang at home day, then go to the mall day, then go to Johns day and help

Sister Taylor take down christmas decorations/lights. Then I ate a Mcdonalds burger that

made me sick. Then I went to Gamestop and spent the rest of the night on the phone with

Lindsey, talking to Kara and Jessie, and watching my little brother. As of now, I am still

having a very interesting discussion with Jessie and Kara is still working on Astronomy

(which she has done all day... I dont see how she can do it!).

But Jessie and I are talking about various stupid things, I think we are drunk on life or


Well, I will get back to talking to her. We are having a little competition right now, and I

lost already


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Friday, January 02, 2004

Well, as far as things starting off great and hopefully staying that way for a while, I have

pretty much kissed that wish goodbye.

Today I woke up at 11 or so, talked to Kara for a bit, and then just pretty much hung around

for the rest of the day. Nothing too exciting. Around 5 or so I went to my grandparents and

had dinner. Then came home and trudged through my Astronomy homework. I finally have my

webpage totally done for Astronomy and I spent a few hours trying to make my freaking CD

burner work (which it does now, YAY!). So now I finally have my Astronomy webpage completely

done and on a CD, all ready for school (which is in like 3 days... *sigh*)

Well, that pretty much sums up my day, right now I am talking to Jessie then I still need to

take a freaking shower and get to bed


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Thursday, January 01, 2004

I found out that what I thought was wrong. Oh well.


Private - 2:50 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

What was included in the last Weblog:

Most of it I can barely remember now because of something Kara told me that made me think a

little... I know what she ment by what she said (at least I am almost positive I am) But I

am not about to tell her what I think, too scared I guess. Kara, if you are reading this,

tell me if what I think you mean is true or not. Cause it is going to bug me forever until

you confirm what I think is true (or if its not true), So hopefully you will get on tomorrow

so we can talk...

Gall, that sure was an interesting way for her to end the night... on a good note

Private - 2:48 PM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it

The Stake Dance was amazing.

Well, I lost track of the number of girls I danced with after about 10 or so, but I danced

every slow dance Some people (like Kara) I danced with twice. It was fun, I just asked

random girls to dance or asked some girls I see around school.

Anyways, I brought Jared and Sean with me (cause I decided they needed to go and have some

fun ). Sean went off with his friends and had a good time and Jared hung around both me and

Sean for most of the time (like hung out with me for a little, then Sean, ect).

Most of the time I hung out with Shawn (Darrington), Morryah (sorry if I got your name

spelled wrong! Please correct me!), and Cassie (again, sorry if I spelled it wrong). Then

out of the blue, Kara showed up. I thought she would have still been in Wyoming, but

apparently she drove down from Wyoming to here and then went to the dance. So that was a

nice surprize. I hung out with her most of the time, as well as Morryah and Cassie. Katy was

there too, but she wasn't the most happy camper tonight...

Well all and all, the dance was great. We act like crazy monkey people durring the fast

dances, and had fun dancing with people durring the slow dances. This dance was ultimately

better than the last one, probably because of the way the last one ended, and the way this

one ended. One with a solemn look on my face as I walked out, and the other with a quiet

smile. Its nice to be happy again.

Well, the start of a new year and I am already off great. Its just like nothing really

matters about my problems last year and I am happy. I hope life stays this way for a little

while, without major trials and problems...

As far as a New Years Resolution, I sure hope mine is resolved.

Hope you all had a great night,


Wednesday, December 31, 2003

11 or so last night was AMAZING! (last night as in 12-30-03). I was up talking to Blake and

Lindsey (Not Lewis, yet another Lindsey to add to the list of Lindseys I know) and I was

checking ebay and I found out that some guy bought my item for $200 bucks! YAY!!!!!!!!!!

For those of you who lack proof, please go to

I am dekuscrub128 (duh) the seller.

So now I can sit back and smile, knowing that finantially (spelling?) wise, I will be doing

prety good for a while :hapy:

Well, I got to get, headed to my grandparents in a little. See you guys at the Dance!


Public - 11:16 AM - add eprops - add comments - edit it - email it


Alright, now that I have your attention with that, on to how exciting today actually was.

Today we got up and went sledding. I met up with my friend David there and we hung out

together like the whole time. After about 3 or so hours of sledding, we went back to Davids

house and hung arround. I saw his electric guitar (finally) which was pretty sweet. He can't

play a ton yet due to the fact that he hasn't had any lessons other than some from his

Uncle. He is pretty good, but he needs to move on and take some lessons . Guitar lessons

dont start up until beginning of February unfortunately, so there is something to look

forward to for me

Well, the rest of the day after Davids (all of 4 hours, cause I got home at 6) was alright.

I just checked my email, took care of Ebay stuff (20.50 so far this week and it can only go

higher) talked to Lindsey (not for too long, she may need to get a root canal tomorrow...

yikes...) Jordan (about some interesting subjects...), Jamison, Blake, John, Mitch and Erin.

I didn't talk to Jessie (Brauer) like all day! Where were you? I also played FFX-2, just

like usual

Well, I better get to bed, tomorrow I am headed to Salt Lake to spend some time with some

family that came up. Then the Stake Dance is at 8:30 (I am going, the question is though, of

those of you who are allowed, who else is going?) so I will be there until 12:30 (4 hours!

Yay!). I hope it will be a blast!

Well, later guys!


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Monday, December 29, 2003


Wow, that was Dramatic.

Alright, I went to my grandpa'a and snow plowed the huge driveway and the sidewalks, and I

was feeling nice so I did my grandparent's neighbors as well. I am so nice

Well, sleading fell through because I got home too late, so we are going to go tomorrow.

I talked to Lindsey a lot more today. I dont know if I like her or not. Either way, I know

its not going to work out, long distance relationships never do unfortunately... but that

doesn't stop us from having fun right?

Jessie, call Kara tomorrow. It's your job as her best friend to bug her.

Well, time to play FFX-2! See you peoples

-Shane (playing FFX-2)

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Well yesterday was just another typical Sunday, I had to give the lesson. It went alright I

guess Nothing spectacular but not bad I guess. We had Tithing settlements, and I figured out

that I was $73 bucks off of making $1,000 this year. Which is not bad at all for someone who

is 14 without a job . One great reason why everyone should ebay

Well I worked my butt off last night for my Astronomy Webpage that I have to get done for

Astronomy Class, I have 28/33 done now, finally...

Well not too much is going on, probably going to go sleading (spelling anyone??) sometime

later today.

Well, now that Mattie thinks that I like Lindsey (which I actually dont, is it so wrong to

just like flirting with her? ) I will set it straight. I don't like her more then a friend

alright Mattie? So you can quit buggin me

Well, I gotta get, sleading calls...


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Sunday, December 28, 2003

Well, not much has happened over the last two days, basically just hanging around the house

and talking to Lindsey online or on the phone. We have the funnest random conversations its

great. Like last night we were on the phone till like 12:15 her time. I don't dare mention

the topics we discussed because its non of your guy's business anyways

But yeah, the past few days have been "Lets flirt with Lindsey" days, which is always fun. I

havent seen her since like August so it is nice to talk to her and have some fun again.

Well, enough gushing about Lindsey (sorry hun, I will gush more about you later ) Lets

describe the rest of the day shale we?

I got up at like 9, Played Final Fantasy X (dang fun game, I am so glad you got it Dave)

till like 10:30 or so, talked to Lindsey online, watch my little brother (who wasnt being

too kind today), Played Fire Emblem (while talking to Lindsey on the phone) Hung around the

house some more, cleaned my room, put more posters on my wall, ran to Smiths to get some

eggs, went over to the Daltons to find out where the New Years Eve Stake Dance was

(hopefully I wont get my heart ripped out at this Stake Dance too, if so then I probably

will avoid Stake Dances...) Then went over to John's with Jared and Sean, came home, found

out that Lindsey had called and I missed it (sorry Lindsey), ate some potatoes & sweedish

fish, checked ebay, then wrote in my weblog.

Well there is my fun filled day (not too thrilling today).

For any of you interested in the New Years Eve Multi Stake Dance (14 and up, all of you

American Fork peoples) Its from 8:30-12:30 at 975 N. 60 E. which is kinda up towards the

Junior High. EVERYONE who can should go (Blake & David, you should go even though your not

14, you can pretend to be some inactive person that I am trying to fellowship )

Though of course Jessie isnt going because "she doesnt feel like it" (just giving you a hard

time Jess, Kara you should come though!) so for the rest of you, no lame excuses like "I

dont feel like it" or "I have a date that night" or "I am butt ugly", just freaking come so

we can all have fun.

Well, now that I have pretended to be the Multi Stake Activities Director (does even such a

calling exist ) I will go off and do something else now that I am finished with this really

long entry, hope you guys enjoyed reading the whole freaking thing.

Ah crap, I still have a lesson to prepare for tomorrow... see you guys!

-Shane (who has a lesson to prepare, Lindsey call me tomorrow)

Friday, December 26, 2003

Computer was still down yesterday, so I didnt get a chance to write in my weblog. But

Christmas was awesome. I woke up at 5:20 and couldnt get back to sleep (gall I sound like I

am 7). We ended up starting at 6:30 ish.

Alright, here is my big list of stuff I got, if you have zero interest, then skip ahead.

Nickelback The Long Road CD, Final Fantasy X-2, Fire Emblem, Lord of the Rings The Two

Towers Extended Edition, Freaky Friday, A bunch of Calvin and Hobbes books, A Boken,

Hadhafang, and a bunch of candy (including a box of swedish fish, yummy) just to name a few.

We went to my grandma's in the evening, and I talked to Lindsey for a few hours (I havent

talked to her forever). Then went to bed and enjoyed a bit of sleep

Today I went to Aarons and ate candy and hung out at home, to sum it all up.

I also watched my little brother while my parents went to a movie.

Well, that was my exciting day! Hope you all are having a great holiday season away from



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Wednesday, December 24, 2003

My router was fried in a power surge so my internet has been shot for the past couple of

days. My dad has been using a direct connection ionto our DSL box thingy because the router

doesnt work (for all you computer savvy people out there). So now I need to go buy a new

Router (30 bucks ish... any contributions are welcomed! Remember, Christmas season!).

Most of my days have consisted of hanging out with John all day every day. That and watching

my little brother (which I did yesterday for a whoping 4 hours...).

But tonight is Christmas Eve, I slept in today till 11 (I hate the flu...) and then John

stopped by at 11:15. We went to Target and Gamestop and then I went to my Grandpa's house to

wish him a happy birthday (yes, happy birthday, not Merry Christmas cause today is his


And now I am at home, trying to fix the Router I already have and cleaning up my now messy

room... *sigh*

Well, tomorrow is Christmas, so all is right with the world I guess (not really, but I say

that to make myself feel better and hopefully make you guys feel good too).

What are you guys wishing for for Christmas? I am hoping for a girlfriend (Kara, this is not

a prayer into cyber space, its an insanely hopeless wish. Get it straight ). Miss those of

you whom I don't see every day! Those of you who I do, who cares, I will probably see you

soon anyways.

Merry Christmas peoples! (Now that I know that Jessie isnt the only person who comes to my

site. I guess people are actually interested in what I say )


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Monday, December 22, 2003

Alright, here's the past two days summed up.

I talked to Jessie and we laughed at funny pictures that none of you are privelaged enough

to see Then I got tired and had to go to bed. Then I woke up, hung out with John till like

6, and then tried to fix my stupid computer.

And now I am talking to Jessie again, but I better leave soon cause I need to watch League

of Extraordinary Gentlemen.

Sorry this is so boring for everyone. Wait, not everyone, only Jessie cause she is the only

one who ever reads this anyways!

Bye Jessie,


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Sunday, December 21, 2003

Ok, I am really tired and I still need to hop in the shower before I get to bed, so this is

going to be a quick one.

I woke up today

I went to my uncles till like 6

Came home, vaccumed my room and the stairs

John came over till 9:30, and scared Jordan making her believe that he was me.

Wrote in weblog

Well, tomorrow's another day, hopefully a bit more eventful. I still need to get a freaking

innertube for my bike, which I will do on Monday.

If any of you have any exciting anything, please tell me about it. Kara is going to Wyoming,

Lindsey is going to Florida (call me tomorrow Lindsey! Cause I dont know if you have left

yet!), And I dont know what I am doing. I really wish I could go to California to see

Bethany and Jordan, or go to Florida with Lindsey to watch her get stung by a bee again

(inside joke, hehe. I bet she is going to hurt me now...)

But of course, I am stuck in Utah. Where it is 39 degrees outside...

Oh well, I will figure some way to have some fun! If anyone has any suggestions, no matter

how crazy and wild (and random) please feel free to share!


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Saturday, December 20, 2003

I decided to change my background, I decided white was a nice change from black, I need to

find a good background now though...

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Saturday, December 20, 2003

I finished off the rest of the week after taking a break on Wednesday to see Lord of the

Rings, and now, finally....

School is over!

YAY! It took long enough, the only thing that I will miss about school is being able to see

my friends as often. Other than that, I am glad for the long break.

I saw Lord of the Rings again on Friday with my cousin Tara. We didn't get home till about

midnight. So I slept in today but I am still tired... Good thing it's the break, now I can

sleep in every day!

Well, John's plane flys in in a couple of hours, so I gotta go! Merry Christmas Break

everyone! Hope you are all doing something fun for the holiday season!


PS: Kudos to Jessie (Brauer) for being the ONLY ONE who subscribes to this page. I hope she

has the best Christmas break out of everyone else . So Jessie, go reward yourself with the

fun time chocolate taste of a Snickers, because you deserve it.

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Correction to the quote,

"It is but a shadow and a thought that you love. I cannot give you what you seek."

Aragorn to Eowyn

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Wednesday, December 17, 2003

"A Shadow and a Thought is what you loved"

-Aragorn to Eowyn

Hey everyone,

Lord of the Rings was simply an amazing movie. You are missing out if you don't go see it. I

am going again on Friday with my cousin. It is almost perfect, they included almost every

part in the book I could think of, save for two. One of them I was looking forward to too .

Its not a major part, but they didnt include the part with the Mouth of Sauron (for those of

you who have read the book). I really wanted to see what he looked like

Other then that, the movie was amazing. That sums it up right there. I don't want to tell

anyone anything about it so I don't spoil it for anyone else.

I really loved the line Aragorn says to Eowyn above. It really hit my cousin and I and

helped us to realize something that personally, I have been wondering about for a very long


Hope everyone & their love lifes are doing well.


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Tuesday, December 16, 2003

Today was another day, just trudged through school prety much. I forgot I had to do a Play

Evaluation until it was too late... So I think I am going to fail a 120 point assignment

(whoopse). Lucky for me, with a little work, I think I can still pull off an 'A'...

I went home and finished a ton of homework (sigh), I still have to finish my Web Page for

Astronomy. I cant wait till the Semester is over, it will be nice to change up my classes.

Though I will miss wasting time with Kara and Katy

Well, tomorrow starts Lord of the Rings, then I am going again on Friday with my cousin.

See you guys later,


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Today was yet another school day, nothing too new. Jessie wasn't there today, I guess the

flu is getting to everyone (poor Kara, glad you are feeling better ). I can't wait till this

week is over and the break starts! I will miss my friends though... at least all of you who

I dont see a lot outside of school, or those of you who are going somewhere for the break.

Hope you have fun with whatever you guys are doing!

Well life goes on, I already have my tickets for Lord of the Rings, hope you guys do too!

And John is still moving here so we can get into trouble with girls all break long

Hope everyone's life has been hectic yet fun.


Sunday, December 14, 2003

Today I was late to church again... I still made it for Sacrement Meeting though. Then we

went to my grandma's to eat dinner and I went home and hung out and we are about to watch a

movie. So that was my day all sumed up right there. Tomorrow we are going to decorate our

Christmas tree (finally) and I am going to my Grandpa's after school to work. We also may go

pickup some strings so I can start playing the Guitar (yay). Then David and I can start a

Garage Band after we find a percussionist and some vocal talent (this is a dream, lol).

Well, I got to go watch that movie, I dont even know what we are watching .


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Well, today was another eventful day, I woke up at 9 (a little to early for me on a

Saturday) and hung around the house till 1. My uncle came at one and then we went to a

Christmas party for my mom's side of the family (Grace, not Deveraux for those of you, like

Aaron, who may know). It was long, but there was food. I know like 0 people in that family.

Me and my Uncle Shaun (he is like a big brother to me, we grew up together for two years,

then he left on his mission) played a game to see how many people we could name. I ended up

getting more then he did . Hopefully Jess & Kara were able to make it to the Rec. Center and

have some fun (Jess was talking to me about the possibility of you guys going if you felt

better). Jess and I have been talking about doing something different to change our boring

lives. Nothing yet, though maybe we can think of something by Monday.

At 5, I tried to call Aaron to see if Saturday Night MTG was still on, he wasn't home (where

the heck were you?). My parents, youngest sister, and brother went to a reception while

Katie and I stayed at my grandparents.

I still need to go see a play before Friday for Tech Crew (dang it!). And I am seeing LOTR

twice next week. At least once on Wednesday while everyone is still at school with my dad,

and another time later in the week with my cousin Tara (used to be a Jazz Dancer, amazing

dancer and an amazing person).

John moves up on Saturday, I am so glad to have him here so we can hang out again. Also

Saturday, I have a ward party at 8:30 AM (early...) and we are going to my uncle's house to

play games later that night. Gall, this sure is going to be a busy week!

Well, hopefully you guys have some plans for the holidays, I know Lindsey (another hottie,

but just my friend ) is going to Florida to see her dad and friends, but thats all I know as

far as my friends plans go.

Well, its 11:30 and I am tired, so I better wrap up this log and get to bed. Happy Holidays

and goodnight everyone!


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Friday, December 12, 2003

Ok, its been a few days since my last post, so I will try to recap what I have done. Nothing

too much happened Tuesday or Wednesday. Wednesday we went to the mall and I finished off

some last minute Christmas stuff (Kara and Jesss presents) and played a few games of MTG. We

ended up staying till like 11 and didn't get home until around midnight. I am really not

some big shopping guy, I just like the girls to run arround the store while I sit in Games

People Play the whole time .

Today was fun (yay finally!). I went to school, David gave me the MXPX cd so I can copy it

on to my MP3 player, my cousin (Tara) got me out of class so I could call her. She asked me

if I still wanted to go to Lord of the Rings (I of course said yes) so she snagged the

tickets during her lunch break. Tara is awesome

I went through the rest of the day. I found out I got a 68/100 on my Geometry test (ouch) so

I retook it, hopefully it went up a little bit...

Went to Astronomy, where I was very suprised to find that we had a substitute for the first

time ever, definately a nice change. I ended up talking to Brittney (9th grade Brittney,

hope I spelled that right ) most of the period. Astronomy just wasn't the same without Kara

there . Missed you Kara, hope your feeling better.

4th period, we didn't get to go to the 9th VS Faculty game because Mrs. Phillips (who

happens to be pregnant, which is not good news for us...) wouldn't let us go

Got home from school, and hung out at Aaron's house with Aaron and Adam for a while, then I

went to Elf with Lonny and Jordan. Great movie for those of you who haven't seen it. 5 days

till Lord of the Rings!

Well, since Kara thought I was praying into cyberspace for a girl, I will decide to stop .

Besides, Megan is a total hottie anyways .

Hope everyone is doing great!


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Tuesday, December 09, 2003

7 days...

Gall, I am a little upset, there is like NO place in Utah that has LOTR midnight tickets

anymore, all sold out . So that means I will need to go to the really really early in the

morning show (and skip school, yay!). If any of you guys happen to have tickets to the

midnight show, I would be more then happy to take them off your hands...

Nothing too great happened today, school is still boring. Thank goodness Christmas break is

on the way or I may die. Also, classes change after a few weeks of the new year (which is

both a yay and a neigh, because I will be losing 3d Design, and I won't have anymore classes

with Kara and Katy). I still have a bunch of stuff to do including Science Fair, Astronomy

Webpage, Astronomy Project (Kara & Katy, we need to get our butts in gear :smile:)

Oh well, life goes on, and John is moving here, things are starting to look up!


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Monday, December 08, 2003

Currently Playing
My Immortal
By Evanescence
see related
- Awesome Song, really sad though

8 days till Lord of the Rings!

Ok, that started off on a good note! Well today I went to school, got my grade in Tech Crew

raised from a C to an A, slept through Geometry (Kara would be wide awake ). Listened to

Kara and Katy talk during Astronomy, Went to lunch, saw Megan (Hottie ) in the halls but

didnt get a chance to talk. And slept through English.

What a great day!

Ok, I am about sick and tired of my life right now, I need something (or someone ) to make

it more exciting. Life drags on, and there is something keeping me up at night that I cant

get off my mind, hopefully I will be able to get over it...

Good news is my friend John Taylor is moving up here on the 20th of the month, so we will

have fun getting into trouble so that will be a blast, now if only I had some hot girl move

in close by then everything would be perfect.

-Shane, looking for that one special (very hot) girl.

Sunday, December 07, 2003

I fixed the picture finally, yay for me!


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Well, today was so-so. I was prety late for church so I barely made it to Sacrement Meeting,

then I had two fast offering routes, that took me about 2 hours to do . My uncle came over

and we figured out how we could build another room in our house that I could have. That way

I can finally have my OWN ROOM (Lucky Kara, Aaron, Caleb, Jordan, and a bunch of other

people who have their own freaking rooms). Then we went to my grandparents house to visit

for a while, my grandpa told me that he would teach me how to play the guitar and that he

would give me his (yay!). All we got to do is buy two strings for it (I think an E and a B

if I remember right) then we are all set. I still need to see (and hear) David's electric

guitar .

Well that was prety much my day, unfortunately for me, we have NO hot, or even cute for that

matter, girls in our ward. It is so sad it isnt even funny. I need to find a better ward

with at least a few cute girls .

Oh well, school is tomorrow, and its A day unfortunately which means Geometry... For those

of you who are not yet in Geometry, fear proofs, they are evil...


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Saturday, December 06, 2003

Hey everyone,

I decided to do this for fun, and the fact that I was bored out of my mind... So I put this

together! I spent like an hour and a half finding a cool background, and of course, it

worked for a bit, then didnt work... I will continue to work on it till it works.

That is what it looks like, but better :)

Well, thats about it, nothing much happened today :( A more interesting post over the next



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Sunday, October 05, 2003

Hi stupid people!

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